<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Into the Unknown by annaregina</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23178664">Into the Unknown</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/annaregina/pseuds/annaregina'>annaregina</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Into the Unknown [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood, Captivity, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fairy Tale Elements, Fire Powers, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Frozen/ATLA style magic, Happy Ending, Ice Powers, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kylo is Emo Elsa who can't control his powers, NO FROZEN OR AVATAR KNOWLEDGE REQUIRED, No Pregnancy, Panic Attacks, That's as far as the frozen references go, Voices in head, Water Torture, author merely stole the vibes, deconstructing mindsets put in place by an abuser, rejecting change even if change is good for you, wishing for the reliability/predictability of a familiar bad situation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:35:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>69,590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23178664</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/annaregina/pseuds/annaregina</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren rules over the North. With ice in his veins and his long buried heart, the kingdom hasn't seen Spring in years.<br/>But he yearns for something and he doesn't know what; his mother would know, but she is long gone, as is his father. There is none of the boy who was, there is only his magic.<br/>Only his magic and... her.<br/>The Emperor in the South doesn't know exactly what the skinny girl in his dungeons can do, and he doesn't want to find out. He just knows he has to keep her from Kylo Ren, or the world as he knows it will crumble around his throne.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Into the Unknown [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1788868</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>160</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Whispers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>The marble railing around his balcony is cold, the chill biting into his skin even through his thick, black gloves. The wind whipping his dark hair across his face is colder still, but the cold has never bothered him.</p><p>Surveying the dark landscape in front of him, he drags the icy air into his lungs and allows it to calm him down. The balcony faces away from the city and towards the mountains that split the land in two, the southern kingdom lying way beyond the icy peaks, a natural barrier that no one has crossed since he ascended to the throne. Distant and snow-capped, the mountains are a solid reminder that there is more to life than the city behind him even if it's out of his reach.</p><p>He doesn’t want to look at the city tonight. Longing sits heavy in his chest. Longing for what, he doesn't know, but it's there and it's insistent. Insistent that the throne he had fought for, the family he had lost along the way, the puppet strings of Snoke that still bind him aren’t worth it and never will be. That even now as he sits on a throne he made with his own undeniable power, it's not enough; despite the changes he's wrought, the people fear and loathe him and will never love him, will never afford him their loyalty. The same magic that allowed him his rise to greatness is the reason he will always be alone.</p><p>Kylo shakes his head to clear it of the traitorous thoughts and turns his back on the scenery decisively, marching back into his rooms with a finality he doesn’t feel. The large glass doors slam shut with an icy blast of cold air, the panes shivering in their frames as he passes into the warmth of the castle. He'd made his choices, he reminds himself. He'd made it long ago - <em>you didn't know then, you didn't know what it would cost, Ben</em> - and now he lives with it.</p><p>Despite his immunity to the temperature, he checks the windows are closed firmly and adds another log to already roaring fire in the great hearth. The castle had been built long before his reign, and so even the royal chambers were designed for a normal human, one that needed great furs and rugs and fires and were not designed for a monster like him. Most of the time, he doesn't care either way for the design of the place, but tonight something in him seeks out the extra warmth and so he peels his leather gloves off and discards them on the table, holding his hands out towards the flames for a minute, allowing his vision to blur as he stares at the flames - through them - seeking some kind of meaning.</p>
<hr/><p>Rey shivers, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. She puts it down to the distant footsteps of the guards on their rounds, but she knows that the familiar feeling of being watched doesn't always match up with any visible trigger.</p><p>She puts it down to a breeze and takes a deep breath, forcing herself to lift her head and focus her eyes as the sound of keys jingling and spears clattering on the flagstone echoes around the winding corridors. If they're coming to visit her again, she wants to be conscious and she wants to be aware. She wants to fight what they’ll do to her just as hard this time as the last, and the time before that, and the time before that.</p><p>"Is she awake?" a voice says as the two guards, both silhouettes decidedly male, stop at the corner of her field of view, obscured by the bars of her cell and the lack of light - they'd learned quickly, once she'd grown into her powers a few years ago, not to give her too many torches to work with. The guard that had forgotten what her magic could do had suffered immensely, both at her hands and at the Emperor's once he'd learned about the error. Rey hadn't seen him again.</p><p>"She's always awake," the second voice answers quietly, stepping forwards nervously, holding a bucket.</p><p>"They doused me an hour or so ago," she says, her voice low but steady, the dangerous, warning tone making the shorter man step backwards, his grip tightening on the pail of water he holds. "I highly doubt I'm flammable yet."</p><p>"Emperor's orders, I'm sorry," the taller man replies, taking the bucket from the other and unlocking the door to her cell. "Please don't make a fuss."</p><p>“Easy for you to say,” she snaps, using the length of chain from her wrists to the wall to move as far away from him as she can. “Stay away, I’m warning you.”</p><p>“Poe?” the man by the door calls, his voice shaky. “Poe, we don’t need to do this. She’s just a girl, she’s still soaked from last time, this is cruel.”</p><p>She feels the angry bile fill her mouth and she speaks before she can stop herself. “Locking me down here is acceptable but throwing water on me for the second time in as many hours is one step too far?”</p><p>Poe takes a step back and Rey uses the chance to scramble away from him again, even if it only delays the inevitable for a few more seconds.</p><p>“Finn, the Emperor will know,” he says calmly, but his eyes meet Rey’s and they’re sparkling, like he already knows how this conversation will end. She stares back at him, bewildered, her anger tempered slightly by the unexpected warmth in his eyes. She doesn’t know this script and she doesn’t like the unexpected.</p><p>“No he won’t,” Finn says firmly, “I won’t tell, she won’t tell, no one else is here. I… I didn’t realise it would be like this. I don’t want to do this – we don’t <em>have</em> to do this.”</p><p>Poe’s eyes slide down her body quickly but she doesn’t flinch away like she usually does when the guards come to leer – his gaze isn’t for that. He takes stock of her dirty hair, still damp from the last round of water, her collar bones sticking out sharply from her chest beneath the filthy tunic she wears; he notices her skin, pale as moonlight, all the freckles that she should have from living under the scorching sun of this empire long gone. She doesn’t look dangerous: she looks like a starved eighteen-year-old in chains far too heavy for her body.</p><p>The corner of his mouth quirks into a grin and he actually <em>winks</em> at her as he turns back to Finn, still hovering by the door after his speech.</p><p>“You’re with us then, my friend?” Poe smiles, setting the bucket down by the wall and glancing back to Rey.</p><p>Finn frowns. “Who is us?”</p><p>Rey wonders the same thing, the fire in her veins dying down and the cold setting in again as she stares between the two men, anger replaced by primal fear.</p><p>“The Rebellion,” Poe says proudly, the smirk still playing across his features. With one quick movement, he retrieves a rusted key from his pocket and twirls it around his finger gracefully. “You ready to go, Rey?”</p><p>She stammers, her hazel eyes wide with panic. This has to be a trick, a test – she’s going to be hurt, maybe thrown in a whole tank of water, maybe they’ll bring back the ice, she hated the ice, what if they-</p><p>“Hey.” Poe’s voice is gentle as he approaches her. He doesn’t miss the way she backs away until she hits the wall and she can’t go any further. “No one deserves this. But you? This country spent years waiting for you after Kylo took the North. Turns out you were here the whole time, right under our noses. It’s going to be okay, I promise you.”</p><p>Rey can only let out a little whimper.</p><p>“I know, I know, I can explain more on the way – but we need to go now. Do you want to get out?”</p><p>This is a trick, but once again, her mouth moves before her brain can catch up. “More than anything,” she breathes, her heart rate spiking just at the thought of the sun and the sky and rolling dunes and <em>freedom</em>.</p><p>She holds her breath as Poe inserts the key she’d thought had been lost years ago into the holes on her cages, hardly daring to believe it. She still doesn’t believe it as the iron crashes onto the floor with a sense of finality and she flexes her fingers desperately, ignoring the pain the sudden movement brings. She’s felt worse pain, and this is inconsequential compared to the fire surging through her whole body at the thought of being out of this cursed cell.</p><p>Rey laughs, the sound bouncing off the curved ceiling of the room, and she spins on the spot, flinging her arms out in relief. Poe steps back quickly to give her the space she’s long since earned, watching the pale face transformed by joy.</p><p>“When do we go?” she asks, breathless. If this is her one chance to get out, she’ll grab it with both hands.</p><p>Poe glances at Finn, who still hasn’t confirmed whether he’s with them or not. Feeling eyes on him, Finn wrenches his gaze away from Rey and Poe sees tears glistening in his eyes. He nods.</p><p>“We go now,” Finn decides, stepping back to let Poe lead the way through the tunnels and towards their future.</p><p>“Wait,” Rey whispers, pausing in the doorway turning back. Everything was so sudden and fast, but she feels more powerful than she has in years. “One last thing.”</p><p>“We won’t have much time, Rey,” Finn warns but Poe gives him a look, his shoulders tense.</p><p>She sets her jaw and raises her hand towards the cell that has been her home for nigh on nine years. “This won’t take long,” she promises.</p><p>The anger, the hurt, the grief, the aching for something more – every awful feeling she’s been forced to endure down here comes surging back up, fuelled by the knowledge that this is <em>it</em>, she is <em>leaving</em> and anyone who tries to stop her now will burn.</p><p>With a yell, she forces everything she has through her heart, down her arm and out of her angled palm, the room immediately engulfed in a stream of flickering blue light, the iron cages that had contained her instantly reduced to a bubbling pool on the floor. The wooden bed, the stool, the hated bucket, all gone, ash in the wind as she lets her hand drop, heaving with the exhaustion. Nine years of rage released and <em>oh</em> does it feel good.</p><p>Poe rests a hand on her shoulder gently, not wanting to spook her. He doesn’t seem altogether surprised by her outburst, knowing he would do the same. “Rey, it’s time to go,” he murmurs, squeezing her shoulder.</p><p>“Yes,” she whispers, turning her back on the corridor that had been her entire world and following Poe and Finn, holding a lamp in one hand, up a narrow staircase, “It’s time.”</p>
<hr/><p>Kylo Ren sits up in bed sharply, his chest beaded with sweat as he stares blearily around at the empty bedroom. He doesn't remember falling asleep and when he looks out the window, he sees it's well into the day.</p><p>“It’s time,” he chokes, but he doesn’t know what the words mean or what dream they’ve been dragged from. He doesn’t dream, not like this. “It’s time,” he repeats, slowly, as if hearing the words properly for the first time. Something wild and untamed in his chest purrs and if it understands what the phrase means then at least someone does.</p><p>He stands, running a hand through his dishevelled hair, and heads for the door, not bothering to pull a robe back on. Kylo yanks the door open and looks up and down the corridor for a guard.</p><p>Seeing one just outside his door, he grabs the man’s uniform and forces him to look at him despite the man’s fear of him. “Find Hux. Tell him we start tomorrow. Tell him I know what I’ve been waiting for, and it’s here now.”</p><p>The guard stammers a reply but the king isn’t listening. He stalks back into his room and heads for the glass doors again. There’s something out there, something that he’s been told never to ask about again, and declaring war won’t calm the beast in his chest that wants him to find it – but it’ll certainly do for now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Come follow me on twitter for writing updates and general reylo shit posting!! <a href="https://twitter.com/annareginar">@annareginar</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Conceal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>Rey staggers with exhaustion as they reach the top of the steep staircase, the sandstone rough beneath her pale fingertips. Light seeps into the stairwell from around the door at the top, the only other illumination the small lamp that Finn still carries, lit only by Rey continuously coaxing a flame out of the rapidly dying embers inside. Poe is pushing against the heavy wooden door at the very stop, throwing his entire weight against the planks in an effort to budge it. He grits his teeth and turns to Finn.</p><p>“You’re going to have to help, they said it would be unlocked and it’s not,” he muttered, shifting to one side so they could both move at once. “On three, okay?”</p><p>Finn nods and throws a reassuring smile at Rey as he sets the lamp down. He needs the comfort too, and so she smiles back, trying to promise him that they aren’t going to be caught before they even make it out of the cells. “On three.”</p><p>There’s a commotion down below and Poe swears violently under his breath. He’d hoped the palace wouldn’t notice until much later – they must’ve sent more guards to check on them when they didn’t return promptly.</p><p>“We need to go now, Finn,” Poe says sharply, nodding to the other man.</p><p>“You’ll hurt yourselves,” Rey cuts in, and she pushes Finn gently to one side. “It’s wooden, I can deal with this.”</p><p>“Rey, you’re weak enough as it is,” Poe mumbles, glancing at her in concern. “You don’t need to exert yourself more.”</p><p>“Do we have another choice?” she retorts, ushering Poe back too and taking a deep breath. She focuses, reaching inside herself for the magic that she’s tried to repress for years. It feels natural, instinctive, like it’s been waiting for her even though she’s tried to hide it. Flaring up at her request, it surges forwards and she takes care to direct it – they’re in too much of an enclosed space to risk the wild flames she’d created before.</p><p>Finn whistles in awe as the bellowing heat melts the hinges, only singeing the wood closest to the metal. The old door stays standing for a few moments, unsteady on its edge, until Poe grows impatient and kicks it, sending it thundering to the floor. It’s impulsive – the noise could draw all kinds of unwanted attention, but she doesn’t deny that it was satisfying.</p><p>Rey throws her arms up protectively as the Jakku sunlight streams into the stairwell, blinding her. She steps backwards unsteadily and Finn easily catches her, having moved behind her just in case. He tucks her against him and glances over his shoulder at the sounds from below that are definitely getting closer.</p><p>“There should be two horses waiting, I’ll take one if you two take the other, you can both ride, right?” Poe instructs, not waiting for an answer to his question as he steps over the ruined door and into a deserted courtyard. He wraps his hand around his standard guard’s sword, but as Rey blinks, adjusting to the light, she sees he has far more weapons than that – this has clearly been planned for a long time if he’s managed to smuggle them all inside. There are two lethal looking daggers in his belt, another strapped to his arm and what looks like a smaller one poking out of one boot, all of them glinting in the sunlight.</p><p>Finn shifts his sword to his other hand so he can keep his arm around her waist, which she appreciates. While the magic had come to her easily, it’s left her feeling drained and sore. It’s more magic than she’s been permitted to do in ten years, and it came at a cost.</p><p>Poe slips quietly across the courtyard to avoid detection but the trip has been timed well; it’s midday, and most people are inside avoiding the worst of the heat that’s already blistering Rey’s delicate skin. There are a few guards up on the parapets but they’re too far away to have heard the door fall and haven’t bothered to look around. Rey wonders about this – even with her limited knowledge, she assumes that a stairwell leading from the cells to the courtyard should be very well guarded, but apparently the Emperor thinks no one would make it this far. Whatever the reason, she’s grateful for it.</p><p>“Follow me. Leia promised there would be someone to let us out of the gates, the horses will be there,” Poe mutters and pads across the sand, muscles tense. They don’t have the manpower if it comes to a fight and they need to make it into the city without being seen if they stand a chance of making it to the waiting Rebellion.</p><p>Once they duck under the arched gateway out of sight of the guards, Poe fishes around in his pocket for a signet ring as Rey leans on Finn and tries to adjust, her body already at its limits. She’s barely moved in ten years save for the occasional monitored walk up and down the corridor when her muscles cramped up too much, and even this much is too much. She watches as Poe knocks lightly on the gatehouse door and it cracks open just a sliver. He says nothing, just twists the ring to reveal insignia she thinks she recognises, and the door shuts again as quickly as it was opened.</p><p>Poe steps back out into the sunlight as the portcullis is hauled slowly up to half height. There’s a shout from up above – the guards have finally noticed the noise and have put two and two together, if reports of an escaped prisoner and runaway guards have made it up from the dungeons yet – and Poe ducks under the metal spikes quickly, ushering the other two after him. The gate crashes back down the moment they’re through to give them more of a head start and Poe is already dragging them towards the two horses tied up in the shade. Rey hopes that whoever opened the gate has time to get away too.</p><p>Her heart is in her throat and she urges her aching limbs to <em>please, oh please, keep working</em> as Finn frantically helps her onto the blue roan and swings himself on behind her, Poe already astride the chestnut and white horse tossing its mane impatiently, shifting on the spot, nostrils flaring in alarm. He doesn’t wait a moment longer, urging the horse forwards and yelling at them to follow him.</p><p>Finn kicks the blue roan’s sides and it lurches forwards, Rey grasping for its neck and wrapping her arms around it tightly to prevent herself from slipping off as they chase after Poe down the dusty, cobbled street, the guards’ shouts ringing in her ears. Her breathing hitches every time the horseshoes ring on the stones, but it’s only the palace guards who know who they are and what they’re wanted for and with the gate shut firmly behind them, all they can do is holler and curse as they’re left far far behind.</p><p>Poe lets out a whoop as they hurtle down the main road, deserted in the midday heat and even Rey, all her limbs shaking with exertion, laughs loudly as they begin to reach the edge of the main city of Niima and enter the sprawling outskirts, the street narrowing and fading to dirt.</p><p>The horses are tired, flanks heaving from the race through the streets, so Poe signals and pulls them into a gentle walk, certain that they’ve put enough distance between them and the palace for the time being. The Rebellion was always going to have to make a hasty move once Rey had been rescued, and he knows that the moment they get back to the others, they’ll be on the move again and well beyond the Emperor’s reach.</p><p>He reaches into his satchel and chucks a thin piece of linen to Rey, who catches it deftly despite her fatigue. “Here, cover your head. The sun is strong at the best of times, but your skin will fry if you’re not careful,” he chuckles. “And out of the three of us, you need it most.”</p><p>That definitely isn’t an exaggeration. She can already feel her skin burning and with Finn’s dark complexion and Poe’s tanned one, she is by far the most exposed. The heat itself doesn’t bother her, it never had, but she’s lost the protection of her golden skin that she had as a child. She throws the cloth gratefully over her head and shoulders, shading her face from the rays overhead.</p><p>“It’s another hour to the Rebellion camp,” Poe continues, pulling his horse back to walk beside theirs, noticing the way her shoulders sag. “Will you be alright until then?”</p><p>She takes a deep breath and smiles. “I’ll have to be.”</p><p>Finn snorts slightly and glances over his shoulder, still half expecting the army to appear and drag them all back. Executions in Jakku were common and they weren’t pretty. There was no axe or sword, no arrow through the head, nothing clean or kind. It was being hung drawn and quartered, or strung up in a cage to starve and be picked to death by the vultures, or any number of increasingly cruel methods that the Emperor came up with. Desertion and attempting to free the Emperor’s most important prisoner would come with a punishment to match. But he’s made his choice now, and even if the choice catches up with him, he’s glad he made it as he remembers the fear in Rey’s eyes as Poe moved towards her with the bucket. He shivers despite the heat and turns back to the road ahead but Rey notices the shift in tension and covers his hand with hers and squeezes reassuringly – they’re in this together now, for better or for worse.</p><p>They leave Niima behind soon enough and before Rey knows it, they’re back in the desert she knows so well. Even with ten years between her and her last memories of this place, the rolling dunes, the shimmering heat as the day wears on, the shifting sands, are a gentle welcome home. A lump appears in her throat and she swallows hard. She never thought she’d miss this place, but then again, she reminds herself softly, you never miss things until they’re gone and you can’t get them back.</p><p>Taking in a gulp of dry afternoon air, she allows a smile to creep across her face as her eyes grow wet. She lets the tears fall, knowing that Finn and Poe won’t see, as focussed on the horses as they are, and she straightens her back, wanting to feel like she’d been a part of her own escape. Rey doesn’t wipe the tears away and her eyes slide shut as she lets the exhaustion wash over her, realising she can sleep if she wants to. She’s as safe as she can ever be now, with someone she already trusts behind her, and she’s on her way to people who will look after her. She can rest.</p><p>She’s woken up by the horse stopping, the change in gait stirring her from sleep. The sun is less intense now and it doesn’t burn through the cloth over her head quite as strongly so she shifts it back and blinks, her eyes adjusting to the brightness again.</p><p>Poe is standing next to his horse, talking to a short women with intricately braided hair wrapped around her head. Her robes are light and makeshift, evidently scavenged to some extent, but she still looks regal and Rey knows she must be important. She regrets that she’ll have to meet her wearing her dirty tunic.</p><p>Seeing her move, Poe looks up at her and beams. “Rey! I’m glad you’re awake! We’ve only just arrived, you’ve not missed anything.”</p><p>Realising that she’s awake, Finn stretches his back now he can move without disturbing her and shifts to get off the horse behind her. It seems Poe has already explained Finn’s situation to the woman, because she greets him warmly once he’s off the horse, clasping her hands around his and smiling. Rey watches them interact and Poe hands Finn a full water gourd – her mouth is parched and she’s never felt it more keenly than now.</p><p>Hauling herself off the horse, she takes a moment to steady herself, her head spinning at the sudden movement, and leans her hand against the horse’s warm haunches.</p><p>“Rey, come and meet Leia,” Poe smiles.</p><p>She looks up and shifts the scarf off her head. The light desert wind blows her hair across her face and she wishes she had something to secure it with. The guards hadn’t cut her hair in a long time and it's heavy and tangled down her back now it's dried.</p><p>“It’s lovely to meet you, Rey. We’ve been looking for you for a long time,” she says softly, her eyes fixed on Rey, drinking her in, “I’m Leia Organa, and this is the Rebellion.”</p><p>Rey stumbles forwards to greet her properly, knowing even without titles who is standing in front of her, but after her imprisonment, the escape and the horse ride, her legs are like jelly and they give way. She falls, hearing Finn’s strangled cry from beside her as her knees hit the sand, her eyes roll back in her head and she faints on the ground in front of the displaced Queen of Alderaan.</p>
<hr/><p>Kylo takes a step backwards as his head spins. The spell of dizziness comes on out of nowhere and it takes him by surprise. Leaning against the railings of the staircase, he balances himself and then pushes through.</p><p>“Your Majesty, are you alright?” Hux asks but it’s obvious that he doesn’t really care – the sneer in his tone is ever present, especially around Kylo Ren.</p><p>“Yes, thank you, General Hux,” he mutters. “I trust everything is going as planned?”</p><p>“Of course, it’s going splendidly, I-“</p><p>“I didn’t ask for a description, I asked a simple question,” he says, cutting him off before his general gets carried away.</p><p>“But, your Majesty…” Hex hesitates. “The news from the front of the column is that the area around the city is too cold now they aren’t sheltered properly, even the extra cloaks aren’t cutting it. They wished me to ask you…”</p><p>Kylo clenches his jaw. He knows what Hux is about to ask, and he knows he can’t do it. His weakness will be exposed to Hux and to everyone else in ear shot, and if <em>that</em> happens and Snoke finds out about it… “The cloaks should be more than sufficient. It’s not that cold, and they shouldn’t be lingering by the city at all. I won’t be drawing the ice back closer to the castle, General, so don’t ask or there will be consequences.”</p><p>He <em>can’t</em> draw the ice back. When he drove his parents away three years ago, the outburst of his power hadn’t been entirely under his control, and the eternal winter he’d created in the capital of Alderaan and the surrounding area had remained despite any attempts to alleviate it. It was just one of the many things his people resented him for; until him, Alderaan had been beautiful. Cold, yes, they were too far north for it to be anything else, but green and covered in lush forests and nestled peacefully between the mountains to the south and the other kingdoms around it. Once he ascended to the throne, his powers had spiralled, plunging the temperatures, freezing the lakes and leeching the warmth and laughter out of the country. Slowly, the people had adapted, but they’d never forgiven him for it. And he’d never forgiven himself.</p><p>Hux considers his king’s words and then nods sharply, deciding it isn’t worth it to question him today. “As you say. I’ll relay the message back to them, and I will continue to follow your plans.”</p><p>“That will be all, Hux,” Kylo warns him, not wanting company after the strange symptoms had continued after his dream yesterday. He draws his fur lined – and redundant – cloak further around him and continues down the front steps of the castle, meaning to take a turn in the gardens before he has to go and be fitted in his armour.</p><p>Hux quickly makes himself scarce, not wishing to be impaled if Kylo loses his temper and flings ice around him as he’s prone to doing, leaving Kylo to stride into the hedged gardens, flexing his hands in his leather gloves.</p><p>Once he’s alone, Kylo tugs at the collar of his dark blue jacket, regretting his decision to head the campaign himself. But Snoke is impatient and he wants the other Northern kingdoms under their control as soon as it can be done. They have the men, they have the power, and the Summer Solstice is behind them, his powers are on the rise. There’s no time like the present, and Kylo knows this, but he still wishes he could do anything but this. He doesn’t want to spend months on horseback, he doesn’t want to march alongside men who despise him or at best, like Hux, tolerate him out of fear of what he could do, but he’s made his bed, and now he must lie in it.</p><p>His thoughts wander back to the dream and the strange feelings he’d had since. Buried deep down is the hope that this is what he’s been waiting for his whole life: he remembers his younger self, still Ben, still hopeful and waiting for the day he’d feel it. It had been promised to him, whispers of it around the court once he was old enough to understand that no one else had magic in their veins like him. No one else could create the snowflakes he played with, or could jump into the lake in winter without dying. But, Snoke had told his parents when he was born, he was one of a set, one of a pair. And yet there was no hint of the other.</p><p>He'd always been faulty, always a problem, a freak, a monster. The promised ‘other half’ never materialised. There was no knowledge of another person with magic anywhere in the land. Not in Alderaan, not in the North, no news from Emperor Palpatine in the south, either. He was alone.</p><p>And so he’d grown bitter.</p><p>This feeling – the daydreams, the sudden suspicion of being watched – he’d forgotten they’d ever happened. It had been ten years or so, maybe. He could barely remember the last time he’d dreamed of landscapes he’d never seen and spices he’d never smelled. Snoke had searched for him, he’d devoted years to research and nothing had come to fruition. He wasn’t a dyad, but alone. Alone with his powers and no one to balance them out.</p><p>Gritting his teeth, Kylo flings a hand out and a section of the hedge is blasted apart by a shockwave of ice from his fingertips, even through the gloves. The destructive feeling passes, but the hedge is still gone – another reminder that the only thing he does is destroy. He clenches his fist.</p><p>Go to war he must. He turns back towards the castle and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes.</p>
<hr/><p>Rey’s eyes flutter open and focus on the darkening sky above her, streaked with red as the sun sinks below the gently curving horizon. Pushing herself upright, she rubs her face to remove the sand that’s blown over her while she’s been resting. She quickly remembers what happened and flushes red – she hopes the Queen doesn’t think her completely useless considering all the trouble they went through to get her out.</p><p>“Rey, you’re awake!” Finn calls and she turns her head towards the sound of his voice. He’s changed into something more desert appropriate, the guard uniform no doubt repurposed already. “I’m so relieved, you hit the ground pretty hard. Poe reckoned it was just exhaustion, but even so. Rose was worried too.”</p><p>“Who – who’s Rose?” she says, swallowing hard and feeling the dry scrape of her throat and the rumble of her stomach.</p><p>The heat of the day has gone now but she knows it won’t be long until the temperature on the sands plummets. Everyone thinks the heat is dangerous in Jakku, but anyone who’s spent any time there knows it’s the nights that follow that really kill you. She pulls the blanket tighter around her, seeking the comfort of the covers for a little while longer.</p><p>“Rose is the master of horses for the Rebellion, but her and Poe are thick as thieves, she came by to see how you were doing,” he explains, crouching down by the low cot she’s been placed on. They’re in a different part of the desert now, the city a glow on the horizon, so she knows they must’ve moved while she was out. It’s disconcerting, but she still thinks she knows where she is. She doesn’t like not knowing.</p><p>“I see,” Rey says distractedly. “Finn, is it possible to get… just some water, or bread, or something?” She feels bad asking without being offered any, but she assumes where she’s come from is kinder than what she left behind.</p><p>“I can’t believe I forgot,” Finn chokes, his eyes widening. “Rey, I’m so sorry.”</p><p>She laughs slightly as she swings her legs off the bed and sees someone has given her shoes and a new tunic. She should probably feel embarrassed that someone’s undressed her to bathe and change her, but she isn’t complaining. Her hair is clean, her skin feels fresh and the clothes she’s in are a dusty cream colour, light and loose against her limbs and there’s a supple leather belt around her waist. She already feels a million miles away from the Rey who escaped Niima Palace.</p><p>“Nothing to apologise for. And I’m glad to see you too, Finn,” she smiles, holding her hand out to him, his apology more than accepted.</p><p>He helps her up with a grateful smile and picks up the plate of food and gourd of water from the smooth sand by the cot. There’s a fire crackling some distance away and she thinks she sees Poe seated to one side, head bent in conversation with a woman. Rey takes a wild guess that this is Rose. Finn beckons her over and so she follows, lowering herself onto a spot next to the others and taking the food from Finn hastily, her stomach practically digesting itself at the sight of her meal.</p><p>“Don’t eat it too fast, you’ll make yourself sick,” Poe warns as she tears off the first chunk and it vanishes down her throat before she can even properly chew it.</p><p>Rey glares half-heartedly at him but she forces herself to slow down and swallow properly. She looks at Rose who is watching her with an amused smile. Really, she should be frustrated the way they’re all staring at her like she’s a freak show, but as she takes a gulp of water and her shoulders slump with pure relief, she can’t bring herself to be too annoyed. It’s still a damn sight better than being tortured.</p><p>“You’re Rose, right?” she says, wiping her hand across her mouth to clean it roughly, not really caring to remember her manners.</p><p>“Yes. And you’re Rey,” Rose replies, but it isn’t a question. They all know. They’ve been waiting for her.</p><p>Suddenly, Rey thinks maybe she should’ve known what the Rebellion wanted her for before she agreed to go with them. But it’s too late for regrets now, and it can’t be worse than what she left behind.</p><p>“I am,” she confirms, chewing another large chunk of bread before saying anything more. “Thank you, by the way. For saving me.” Her voice is low but she knows they’re hanging off her every word.</p><p>Poe’s warm eyes seem to dance, but she knows that’s partly due to the flames that are next to her. Her own pulse seems to jump in time to the rise and fall of the embers, mirroring her own joy at the steady thrum of power under her skin now she’s not constantly covered in water.</p><p>“You’re welcome, Rey,” he chuckles.</p><p>“It’s lovely to meet you,” Rose adds, her voice genuine. Rey feels like they’ll be friends once she’s got her bearings – apart from the Queen, who Rey doesn’t think really counts, Rose is the only woman she’s seen so far in the Rebellion. The others scattered around the fires are all men.</p><p>As if sensing her question, Rose laughs. “Don’t worry, it’s not just you and me. Kay will be so thrilled to meet you.”</p><p>Rey grins, the muscles feeling stiff to use. It’s been a long time since she’s felt like this. She doesn’t even mind the millions of questions spinning around her mind when she can sit by a fire and stretch her legs, eat bread and not have to listen for the sounds of doors opening or water sloshing.</p><p>“Rey?”</p><p>She turns around slowly, recognising the voice of Leia Organa. “Your Majesty, I-“</p><p>“Oh, come now, there’s no need for that. I’m not really the Queen, I suppose, and there’s no point in it here anyway,” she smiles, watching as Rey scrambles to her feet and tucks her hair behind her ears.</p><p>Rey flushes and ducks her head, not quite wanting to ignore custom, even if the woman would laugh at a curtsey – not that she trusts her legs to hold her after she tried that earlier. “Thank you.”</p><p>Leia chuckles. “Come, walk with me for a moment?”</p><p>“Of course,” Rey promises, grabbing her water from the floor by her feet.</p><p>Leia directs them away from the gathered Rebellion members and towards the edge of the group, the glow of the scattered campfires a welcome comfort even if they’ll need to be put out before night falls to keep their location hidden.</p><p>“What do you know of your powers?”</p><p>It’s the question Rey expected to be asked, but she still doesn’t know what to say. She doesn’t know much.</p><p>As a child, it wasn’t as noticeable, she assumes. But her earliest memory is of playing with the fire, drawn to it before she even knew why, and her mother screaming and dragging her back, burning her own hands in her panic before she realised the young Rey was entirely unharmed – healthier than ever, even, with rosy cheeks and a musical laugh. As she grew, it grew with her. She could coax a fire from even the dampest wood after the occasional rains. She could go closer to their bonfires than her parents, could retrieve food that fell off the spit, couldn’t feel the heat of the day or the cold of the night. It had grown well beyond what her parents understood and when the Emperor’s men had come, she remembers her father’s <em>relief</em> that their strange witch child was no longer their problem. She likes to think they didn’t know what was going to happen to her, that they were told she’d be looked after and that they wanted the best for her despite letting her be taken.</p><p>Shaking her head free of the memories, she turns back to Leia, who is now gazing up at the star scattered sky, the splash of the Milky Way painted right down the middle, from the south all the way to the distant mountains in the north.</p><p>“I don’t know much,” she starts, contemplating her words. “I can control fire – and create it. But not just fire. Heat, hot winds, molten metal, anything like that. I don’t know the real extent, I never tested it, it was just part of me. My body runs hot, but I don’t feel either extreme. I feel it in my veins, the heat, and I know-“ She falters, flinching, but continues, her voice firm, “I know water damps it down, if I’m covered. Ice weakens it if it makes contact with my skin, almost to a painful level, but not because it’s cold, but almost like… it cancels it out. I can’t explain it, but it’s how they controlled me in Niima.”</p><p>Leia turns to her, her eyes sad. “Then we were right.”</p><p>“Right about what?” Rey asks, nervous.</p><p>“It is you. You and <em>Kylo</em>.” The name doesn’t sit right on her tongue. “You are the dyad.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Storm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p>
  
</p><p>“A dyad?” Rey whispers. “What’s that?”</p><p>Leia sighs and manages a small smile. “A very good question, Rey, one that me and my husband have been trying and failing to answer for a long time.”</p><p>“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” Rey says, hoping she still sounds polite.</p><p>“Of course, you’d know nothing of what’s been happening in the north,” Leia says, more to herself than to Rey. “You were underneath Niima Palace for how long?”</p><p>Rey winces. "Nine years.”</p><p>“And you’re how old now, may I ask?” Leia continues, clearly trying to work something out for herself before she tries to explain it.</p><p>Rey scrunches her nose up slightly. “I’m not exactly sure. We didn’t keep track very well before I was taken, and since then it seemed fairly useless to try and work it out. I know I’m around eighteen.”</p><p>“Eighteen,” the Queen says thoughtfully. “And then nine years ago… yes, it makes sense.”</p><p>“Please, Leia, what makes sense?” Rey begs, “What am I needed for? Why was the Rebellion searching for me?”</p><p>Leia sets her shoulders, preparing herself to recount the painful story. She wishes Han were here to help, but he’s away, trying to find more supporters in the surrounding kingdoms and gather any news.</p><p>“You have your magic, but it’s half of a set. A pair. Kylo Ren has the other half – ah, but you don’t know who he is either, do you?”</p><p>Rey shakes her head, mute. Someone like her? Her heart thuds hopefully. Someone who understands her, who knows what it felt like when her blood roars with magic, who wouldn’t think her a freak or a monster? It’s more than she’s ever hoped for.</p><p>“Kylo Ren rules Alderaan now,” Leia says, her voice barely above a whisper but carrying in the still evening air. “Three years ago, he used his half of the magic to force me and Han out and set himself up as King in our place. The dyad is supposed to bring balance to the world – they’re only born every few generations or so, if that – but we never heard about you, there wasn’t a whisper anywhere in the land of someone else with magic. It… twisted him,” she pauses, correcting herself. “We <em>let</em> it twist him.”</p><p>The grief in her voice makes Rey’s heart twist with yearning. She wishes she could do something more than stand silently and listen, but just as she’s about to open her mouth, Leia takes a deep breath and continues.</p><p>“Unbalanced, he wanted more power, wanted what he had to be used for <em>something</em> even if it was to destroy my country. We’ve heard news that he plans to attack the rest of the North just as soon as he can mobilise the army he’s been building up. Which is why we need you.”</p><p>“Me? I’m just… me. I can’t do anything against an army,” Rey says hastily, taking a step forwards, her grip tightening on her water pouch in fear. She’s spent ten years in a dark cell, she doesn’t know the first thing about fighting. “I’m sorry if that’s what you needed me for, I don’t think I’ll be able to help you, Leia.”</p><p>Leia smiles, “We’re not asking you to face Kylo Ren’s army. We’re asking you to face him. He is unbalanced, but you <em>are</em> that balance. You need him as much as he needs you.”</p><p>She scowls slightly. “I don’t need anyone.”</p><p>The older woman laughs and the sound is warm and rich. “Oh, I know you don’t. You’ve done so well by yourself, but you don’t need to do it by yourself, Rey. We won’t make you do anything, and we didn’t rescue you to force you into our service instead, I promise you. If you want to leave, you can. But we hope you’ll choose to help. It’s up to you.”</p><p>Rey is slightly stunned. Leia has managed to solve Rey's biggest issue before she could even voice it. She takes a gulp of her water as Leia watches her, her hands tucked under her robes against the cooling air.</p><p>But Rey doesn’t know what to do. Her list of desires has always been small. She only ever wanted to be free of Niima, and now that’s done, her world has both expanded infinitely and collapsed down to just herself. She no longer knows what she wants or who she is. She’s not Rey the prisoner. She could be Rey the Rebellion fighter. Rey the desert scavenger. She could look for her family. Or…</p><p>She turns her head North, following the path of the milky stars overhead and sets her gaze on the blue, snow tipped mountains that mark the edge of the world as she knows it. She’s never left the south, never even left Jakku. She could go with the Rebellion, find Kylo Ren, find out what Leia means about her powers, see if there’s more to life than shifting around like sand in the wind or pacing her cell.</p><p>A shiver runs down her spine as she makes her choice. The mountains call her.</p><p>“I’ll go with you. I’ll find Kylo Ren.”</p><p>Leia smiles softly, like she’d never doubted her, and Rey smiles back, glad something she’s done has eased the pain behind those eyes.</p><p>“Thank you, Rey. Welcome to the Rebellion.”</p><p>Rey nods and glances back towards the fire. Finn, Poe and Rose are still talking and she can see Poe glancing over at them to check on her. It sends a little thrill through her body at the thought of being cared about.</p><p>“Go back to them, Rey, enjoy your evening. I’m sure they’ll be able to tell you anything else you want to know,” Leia chuckles, starting back towards the other end of the rebel camp.</p><p>Rey nods again and flashes her a quick grin that makes Leia’s heart clench before Rey scampers back towards the fire pit. Leia realises that she misses her husband – and her son. She didn’t see enough of Ben’s smiles, and she wishes more than anything she could go back and undo her mistakes. She won’t make them again.</p>
<hr/><p>Kylo sends the squire out once he’s ready, his helm and gloves the only things left to put on.</p><p>A day’s ride is already behind them, the army moving at a brutal pace away from the capital and down the King’s Road towards Ajan Kloss, the kingdom closest to Alderaan and therefore first in their path of conquest. He already resents Snoke for this warmongering but the resentment is years too late, so he quiets his mind and lifts his helmet up and places it on his head carefully, allowing the weight to settle.</p><p>He doesn’t really need armour, his magic will do more than enough to protect him, but he still wears it and fights with a sword first and magic as a last resort. It’s the only thing he can do to remind his men that he’s human just like them. It helps he’s a good swordsman which earns him begrudging respect and he glances across at his weapon where it lays on the table.</p><p>They’re expecting to arrive at Ajan Kloss’s borders later today, hence preparing now, but he still dislikes the extra weight the dark armour forces onto him. Kylo doesn’t bother to glance at the small looking glass as he pulls his usual leather gloves on and sheaths his gleaming red blade at his belt: he knows what he looks like and he knows the black and silver helmet like the back of his hand. It’s an unusual design, not Alderaanian at all and nothing like the helmet his father wore into battle years ago but for him that’s only more reason to prefer it this way – the past is dead, and he rules now.</p><p>Kylo takes care not to catch his hand on the crossguards of his sword as he strides out of his tent and back over to his horse to mount it again and continue down the road. The original crossguards had shattered the night he’d lost control and started the fall of Alderaan and he’d never had them repaired properly, save for the ice he’d laced through the fractures to stop them breaking further; Snoke had tried to insist he forge a new weapon, but Kylo had resisted and kept his old one, splintered crossguards and all. It had, however, been treated to protect it from any future magical attacks, and the previously silver steel now shone blood red with whatever mineral Snoke’s alchemist had used on it to protect the king’s weapon from the king himself.</p><p>“Send word, we move again now,” Kylo calls and the generals up and down the lines begin to shift on their horses, quick to follow orders and alert their troops. Kylo pulls his black stallion round on a tight rein and starts for the front of the men, meaning to catch up to Hux. At least at the front he can see what’s going on and not have to rely on information being passed back.</p><p>It’s wrong to feel this way, but he can’t help but be calmed at the sight of the open air and the mountains. Despite their distance from the palace of Alderaan, it’s still possible to see the effects of his magic: the lakes below them to the left are frozen and will be all year round. The mountains swooping up to their right are snow-capped, the trees stripped of their leaves save for the evergreens that have been thriving these last few years. The people they pass on the way take one look at his infamous helm and vanish back into their farmhouses, calling for their children to follow. That makes him bitter, frost creeping over the leather of his gloves and onto the reins – he has never harmed an Alderaanian, not a single hair on a single head. If anything, despite the climate, he’s put in place plenty of measures to help them.</p><p>A quieter voice that sounds frustratingly like his mother reminds him that no matter what he does to help them, he still took the throne by force. It’s not something the country will forgive him for any time soon.</p><p>Shaking himself free of the thoughts, he takes a deep breath through the grating on his helmet and shuts off the flow of magic, the frost retreating back into his fingertips and he’s grateful for the little control he can exert over it.</p><p>“General Hux,” he calls, seeing the ginger man ahead, his own helmet resting on his lap as he surveys his men.</p><p>“Your Grace,” Hux sighs. “Well met.”</p><p>Kylo scoffs slightly – Hux rarely bothers with this much formality back at the palace, let alone when they’re away from it. “I suppose. How are they doing?”</p><p>Hux raises one eyebrow. It’s an unusual question for a king to ask, especially a king like Kylo. The General supposes he’s the closest thing the royal would have to a friend, but it’s not something he’d ever say out loud or risk being speared with a sliver of ice. “Why?”</p><p>“Because, Hux,” Kylo replies, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “If we’re to fight later on today, I don’t want my men worn out before we even arrive at Ajan Kloss.”</p><p>Hux rolls his eyes internally. “They’re doing as well as can be expected, Your Grace. Any other questions you have?”</p><p>“Not at this time, General,” Kylo snips, drawing his horse in line with Hux’s and falling into a fairly comfortable silence.</p><p>“You’re not having another <em>moment</em>, are you?” Hux asks, his voice thin. “Only you’ve been very quiet and-“</p><p>“Shut up, General,” Kylo snarls. No, he isn’t having another ‘moment’, but he almost wishes he was.</p><p>Last night he dreamed of the desert again, something he’s only seen in pictures. He’s never been south of the mountains, the range known as the Mid Rim, but he knows Emperor Palpatine, somehow an ally of Snoke’s, rules everything past the peaks. There’s said to be a line, visible only to the birds, splitting the mountains down the middle: orange sand to the south, grassy rocks to the north. It’s part of a tale his mother used to tell him before bed, back when she still had time for that kind of thing.</p><p>He doesn’t know why he’s being reminded of these old stories now, but he doesn’t have time for it, or for the sudden bursts of exhaustion, or the intermittent flashes of heat deep in his chest. It’s disconcerting and a distraction – the last thing he needs while he tries to coordinate this entire venture.</p><p>“RANGERS!” someone cries from the front and Kylo turns his head sharply from the scenery.</p><p>“STOP THEM!” he snarls – Ajan Kloss can’t find out they’re coming. Their strategy depends on swift takeovers of each kingdom before word can be sent ahead. They cannot be allowed time to prepare. “SEND THE KNIGHTS!”</p><p>The Knights of Ren, his personal guard. They rarely guard <em>him</em> – he’s more than capable of doing that himself – but they’re brutally efficient and best suited for wiping out the Kloss rangers before they can send word back to the cities.</p><p>He sees them drawing together up ahead, taking instructions from the scout, and he kicks his steed into motion to join them, drawing his sword with a satisfying noise. He feels the flare of his magic in response to the potential threat and allows ice to crystallise around his grip on the hilt.</p><p>“Your Grace, they’re down beyond the turn in the road, five of them, they’ve not seen us yet.”</p><p>“Good, then we have the high ground. They’ll be dealt with easily. Come with me, although if there’s so few of them, I can’t see you all being necessary. We take no risks, either way,” he commands, digging his heels into his horse’s sides and urging it forwards, down the slope towards the bend in the road where the trail disappears into the dense trees, Alderaan merging into Ajan Kloss seamlessly.</p><p>Kylo takes the corner too fast, but the Knights are right behind him as always. He doesn’t bother to slow when he sees the five rangers on their horses, just levels his sword and races forwards, leaning low over his stallion’s neck, the ice crackling through his veins.</p><p>They recognise the helmet and the knights behind him immediately. Alderaan’s new ruler hasn’t stepped foot outside of the borders since his ascent to the throne, but that made no difference to the rumours that flew East to West across the lands. The men scramble to get moving, forcing their animals forwards frantically but they have no momentum and the knights are upon them within moments, the horses whinnying in a panicked frenzy, one rearing as the stampede of black mounts sweeps through the small group.</p><p>With a swing of Kylo’s sword, one ranger loses his hand, his sword clattering to the road and spooking his horse further. There’s a scream from the rider as the horse flails onto its two back legs, and then a cold blast of Kylo’s magic sweeps him from the horse and onto his back, landing heavily. It ends with a knight leaping down and plunging his sword into the ranger’s chest, wrenching it back out easily.</p><p>Kylo curses and turns his horse for another pass, this time back up the slope. He switches his sword to the other hand, knowing he can fight just as well with either, and throws his glove away. The Knights know to stay back, and Kylo grits his teeth, the magic surging through him along with the adrenaline.</p><p>The wall of ice knocks another ranger out cold. He’s decapitated by another knight, the red gleaming off his sword much like Kylo’s own. A white horse throws his rider at the unnatural sight and the man’s neck hits the floor first, the light in his eyes extinguished instantly.</p><p>Two left.</p><p>It doesn’t take long to dispatch the fourth, but the fifth rider manages to make it further into the trees on horseback. Kylo snarls, the sound feral, and stalks into the forest after him, abandoning his horse – the man can’t get far with the beast in the dense undergrowth of Ajan Kloss. He refuses to believe they had no way to contact the city so there can be no survivors.</p><p>“You can’t escape. Come down and I’ll make it quick.”</p><p>The forest is quiet, save for the rustling of leaves. He looks up.</p><p>“Ah, there you are,” he purrs, “I see you. Come down, or I’ll make you.”</p><p>There’s a ruffling noise and Kylo frowns before giving up and sending a wave of ice into the sky, slicing through leaves and branches and exposing the ranger’s feet where he’d scrambled into the trees to hide.</p><p>“Last chance,” he snarls his voice reverberating dangerously.</p><p>“Long live Ajan Kloss,” the ranger hisses, but his voice is laced with fear – he knows what’s coming for him, death on icy wings. “Long live Leia Orga-“</p><p>He’s dead before he finishes her name.</p><p>Kylo turns away before the body falls from the tree, nearly split in two with the shard of ice protruding from the man’s chest.</p><p>“Your Grace,” a knight calls from the edge of the trees. Kylo raises an eyebrow at the tremor in the voice – none of the knights were hurt and they don’t fear much so he doesn’t understand this.</p><p>“What is it? We don’t have time to spare, round up the extra horses and take them back to the others, Hux will know where they’re needed.” He pulls his helmet off and shakes his hair out, sucking in a lungful of the air, smelling the blood and the horses’ fear.</p><p>“The ranger in the tree… he had a bird.”</p><p>“He had a <em>what?”</em> Kylo snarls, whipping around to where the dead ranger’s horse waits, its head bent to pick at the long grass around its hooves. There’s a cage strapped to the side, the door swinging open uselessly in the aftermath of his haste. It’s a cage for carrier pigeons – of course the last one alive was the messenger.</p><p>“It got away, we didn’t have an archer, there was nothing we could do-“</p><p>Kylo screams furiously, hurling his sword at the tree, the gleaming blade embedded in the wood with the force behind his throw. The flurry of snow and sleet summoned by his rage swirls around him for a second before blasting outwards, the horse screaming in shock as it bucks and flees into the forest, riderless and desperate, the cage rattling .</p><p>Chest heaving with his rage, Kylo yanks the sword free, not even caring if it’s damaged. His hair hangs heavily over his eyes and he sheaths his weapon violently, snatching his helmet up and stalking back out onto the road.</p><p>Behind him, where there had been a lush forest is now a ruined clearing. The knight stares past his king to the shredded trees, stripped of branches and foliage, the shockwave of his rage frozen into a permanent ice sculpture and abandoned.</p>
<hr/><p>“Rey!”</p><p>Rey looks up from the fire she’s been trying to manipulate and sees Rose beckoning her from where the horses are gathered. She stands and dusts her leggings down before extinguishing the flames easily with a pass of her hand, leaving the embers alive so she can continue later.</p><p>“What is it?” she smiles as she makes her way over to the shorter woman. She’s been with the Rebellion for a few weeks now, eating regularly and sleeping well, building up her strength and her sanity after so long underneath the city they had long since left behind.</p><p>They’d crept into Pasaana at some point and the dunes had given way to rocky outcrops scattered across the horizon. Rey’s skin is adapting and is no longer the semi-transparent white it had been after her escape; her freckles are returning along with her ease of movement – and laughter.</p><p>“Leia wants us to gather, we’ve got news,” Rose smiles and links her arm through Rey’s despite their height difference. “How’s the training going?”</p><p>“Not well, I don’t really know what I’m aiming for. Anything Leia knew from seeing Kylo Ren’s power isn’t very useful – his is ice, after all,” Rey sighs. “Even so, being out here is helping a lot.”</p><p>“I bet,” Rose beams. “You look tonnes better already.”</p><p>“Thank you,” she smiles, but even so she squints against the sun and tucks her fly-aways behind her ears. Most of the length to her hair is gone – Rose had cut it for her on the third day after it became so tangled in the wind that they couldn’t undo it – but she doesn’t miss it much. Instinctively, she’d thrown it up into a triplet of buns, the way she remembers wearing it as a child, and that’s good enough for her for now, even if part of her wishes it was long still and could be braided like Leia’s.</p><p>Once everyone has gathered around the wagon that contains most of the spare supplies, Leia steps up onto the small platform on the side and clasps her hands together solemnly. Her face looks tired and Rey frowns. Next to her is a taller man, his hands lazily in his pockets as he scans the gathered rebels.</p><p>“That’s Han Solo,” Rose whispers as she pushes through to Poe and Finn who are a short distance away. “Her husband. He’s the one who delivered the message, he rode from further up the Forbidden Valley, it came from an ally in the north, apparently.”</p><p>Poe mutters a greeting, patting Rey’s shoulder quickly before falling silent as Leia steps forwards.</p><p>“Thank you all for getting here on such short notice. I won’t keep you long, but it will be a busy day. We have much work to do,” she says, her voice strong. “Han has returned with news. It’s not good, I’m afraid.”</p><p>There’s a ripple of murmurs but one look from Leia silences them. Rey can easily picture her commanding a throne room – it’s not hard to tell she’s a Queen, even if she doesn’t use the titles with the Rebellion.</p><p>“Kylo Ren, at the time this letter was sent, was marching on Ajan Kloss with his entire army. It’s been a few weeks since this letter. Whoever sent it managed to get it back to their capital, and they sent it on to me. They asked if we had found what we were looking for,” she slows and smiles softly at Rey where she stands a few rows deep in the crowd. Heads turn to her and she ducks her face quickly to avoid attracting more attention.</p><p>“We can only assume that he has succeeded in taking Ajan Kloss. We can only assume he plans to take the entire North, as we’ve feared. Takodana, Naboo, Endor, Hoth, all of them need us and our help.”</p><p>“Our timeline needs to be accelerated,” she continues, and Han wraps an arm around her shoulders to support her, picking up on something that the others can’t see. “We head north now. No more waiting, no more hoping more will join us. If they want to, they can come and find us. We’re out of time.”</p><p>Rose sucks in a sharp breath, already mentally preparing for the massive effort this will require: food and bedding for the horses, how much they can cover in a day, how long it’ll take them to reach the mountains, pass through, reach Alderaan.</p><p>“We have Rey,” Leia says warmly, “And she has promised to try and reason with Kylo, but she is not our only hope. We have each other. And we are going to save the north – and Alderaan.”</p><p>Poe cheers loudly, leading the response – “ALDERAAN! THE NORTH!” The call is picked up by the rebels and it brings tears to Rey’s eyes as the cheering continues; she knows only half of the Rebellion are Alderaanian or Northern, the rest of them have no reason to be here except believing in the cause. It’s a powerful feeling, being part of something bigger than herself.</p><p>As everyone disperses, moving with a renewed sense of purpose, Rey quickly promises to meet the others back at their camp and pushes her way forwards to Leia and her husband. She approaches quietly, her feet silent on the soft sand.</p><p>“I know, Leia, it’s okay. It won’t end like that,” Han says, his voice rugged but gentle as he cups his wife’s cheek.</p><p>“What if it does? What if we have no choice? I want our son back, Han,” she whispers, her shoulders dropping.</p><p>Rey clears her throat, her head spinning as she tries to piece it all together. She doesn’t want to eavesdrop, but they were speaking so fast and she heard more than she wanted to.</p><p>“Ah, Leia, it’s your miracle,” Han grins roguishly and Rey smiles back nervously.</p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“</p><p>Leia wipes her eyes quickly and forces a smile onto her cheeks. “It’s alright, I let myself get caught up. What can I do for you?”</p><p>“I just…” She stammers. She has things she wants to ask, but they all fly out of her head as she slowly digests what she’s just heard. “Kylo Ren is your son?” she whispers.</p><p>Han looks past her for a moment into the desert and swallows. “No,” he begins, before Leia can, "Kylo Ren is not our son. That's his new name.”</p><p>“But it is him, right?” Rey continues, wondering if she’s being rude but not knowing.</p><p>“It is,” Leia whispers. “And I should’ve said right away, but we failed him so many times, Rey, and it was my own guilt that kept me from saying anything.”</p><p>“Does he know?” Han checks, raising an eyebrow at Leia. “Does he know we’ve found her? I can’t see him putting up much resistance if we tell him. We told him for so many years that he was alone, and now… Here she is.”</p><p>Leia shakes her head. “He doesn’t know, no.”</p><p>“He’s in the north, right?” Rey asks, continuing with her original questions. “Forests, lakes, mountains?”</p><p>Leia and Han give her identical confused looks – all three of them know she’s never been there.</p><p>“It’s cold but not too cold, colder more recently, since he took the throne,” Rey whispers, feeling like she’s guessing but she knows she isn’t. All of this is straight from her dream last night: she was on horseback, her body heavy in black armour. “It’s beautiful, but as he moves, it gets colder wherever he is. The mountains are steep, the forests are full of vines and twisting roots, I… I think he must be further into Ajan Kloss, maybe, I – I don’t know the countries well.”</p><p>“You can see him?” Leia’s voice nearly cracks and Rey’s heart <em>twists</em> in agony.</p><p>She wishes she could see the man she’s linked with, could tell Leia how he was. She can only shake her head. “No, I’m sorry. It’s like I <em>am</em> him, it’s through his eyes – in my dreams.”</p><p>Han rubs a spot between Leia’s shoulder blades gently and watches Rey, considering it all. “You don’t have anything to apologise for, kid.”</p><p>She swallows and bobs her head. “I wish I could tell you more.”</p><p>“Does he dream of you, too?” Leia wonders softly, “He used to talk about-” She stops the painful train of thought and closes her eyes. “Did we miss this the whole time?”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Rey says again, hating the pain she’s brought them. She regrets ever opening her mouth.</p><p>Han leans over and clasps his hand on her shoulder with a warm smile. “Stop apologising, Rey. This means we’re on the right track.”</p><p>When Leia opens her eyes again, they’re wet with tears but blazing. Even Rey trembles at the heat in them. The Princess who fought against Palpatine’s rise to power stands before her now. “It means we can bring him home.”</p><p>“I’ll do it, I promise, I'll bring him home,” Rey says, and she means it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Gasp, who would've guessed Kylo Ren is Han and Leia's son? Not me that's for sure</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Test the Limits</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey sits on the very edge of the pool, her sandals unlaced in preparation for the wash she knows she sorely needs.</p><p>They’ve been moving north for a month now, skirting around towns and sending a small group in to buy supplies – or steal them where they have to, even if it makes them all unhappy. Progress has been slow but constant, and it’s given Rey plenty of time to adjust to her new life. It’s much closer to what she knew before the Emperor intervened, and rising each morning to travel, packing up her meagre things and relearning how to ride all feels familiar and more natural by the day.</p><p>Enjoying herself is a new feeling, and one that she’s constantly, endlessly grateful for: she laughs with Poe and Finn as they crack jokes, she gossips with Rose and Kaydel and learns to braid hair, she brushes down the horse that’s now hers – Artoo, the blue roan she rode the day she escaped – and it’s a life she could get used to very quickly.</p><p>She’s had a few quick washes with a damp cloth but now they’ve finally found a pool, and the rebels have been trickling slowly one by one to take a proper wash, taking advantage of the resource while they have it. She wants a wash, she really does, but she can’t quite bring herself to get into the clear pool.</p><p>Rey knows why it’s so hard. The thought of being submerged in any water, even by choice, still makes her body tense, forcing up unpleasant memories of the last ten years. The pool in front of her taunts her; it’s still and clear and otherwise beautiful, nestled in amongst the rocks and hidden from the rest of the world and yet she can’t bring herself to even dip her toes in.</p><p>“Rey?”</p><p>She turns her head and sees Rose’s dark head poking over the top of the rocks.</p><p>“Are you okay?” she calls. “You’ve been a while.”</p><p>Rey curses under her breath and tips her head back. Rose clambers down into the oasis and pads her way over. She had her bath early that morning, having been the one to spot the outcropping when she was scouting ahead with Finn, and Rey can smell the soap wafting off her gently.</p><p>“I can’t… I can’t get in,” Rey says through gritted teeth, her cheeks flushing at having to explain her issues. “The water, it brings up bad things, and I know – I <i>know</i> I need to wash properly, believe me, I know, but I can’t – I can’t <i>do</i> it.”</p><p>Rose doesn’t say anything, not knowing what to say. None of them had thought of this, and as her friends, they should have.</p><p>Rey stands up and starts to unwrap her outer layers with a set jaw. “I’ll have to do it, won’t I?”</p><p>“Would… would heating the water help? Could you do that?” Rose says, wrinkling her nose up as she tries to think of a solution. “Or I can tip water – no, that’s worse.”</p><p>“When I'm in water my powers are dampened, but I don't think I'd be strong enough to heat it even from here,” Rey admits. From conversations with Leia over the last few weeks, she gets the impression that Kylo Ren has more brute strength and she has more precision and control. As a child, she could never hurl fire the way Leia’s son seems to have been able to produce sheets of ice, but he had never been able to direct his powers like her either. Balance.</p><p>“Heat yourself then, remind yourself that you have your powers and nothing is going to take that away from you again,” Rose says, her voice fierce. She doesn’t like to think about Rey like that when she’s seen her walk through fire unburned.</p><p>Rey takes a deep breath and nods. “I can do that,” she decides.</p><p>“I’ll stay here, okay, I’ll be here if you need me,” Rose promises, turning her back on Rey to give her privacy but staying close to the shore.</p><p>Letting her eyes slide shut, Rey gathers her thoughts and strips the rest of her clothes off, shivering slightly as the warm desert wind snakes its way through the rocks and sends ripples across the pond. She nudges the bar of soap with her foot before taking a step forwards, dipping her toes into the cool water. Her body tremors in response and she stretches her hand out, calling on her magic and allowing her palm to fill with fire, the heat crackling millimetres from her skin. It reassures her – as Rose said, nothing and no one would take this from her again. She’d kill them if they tried.</p><p>She steps further into the water, feels her breath catch, but she just surges forwards, making the plunge. Her skin <i> sizzles</i> in response and she knows if she could feel it, her body would be burning, too hot for anyone else to touch. The water steams around her and she lets it.</p><p>“Go under, Rey,” Rose calls from the side, “You can do it.”</p><p>Her eyes are still closed and she can see buckets of freezing water being thrown on repeat, her face being forced under the surface, ice dripping from the ceiling onto her back and shoulders, echoing laughter as she shivers and shakes, the cages around her hands trapping her power inside her, leeching what energy she can from the wall mounted torches that were always just too far away, drowning in bath tubs and pails, water poured over her head over and over and over and she thinks she can hear herself screaming but she doesn’t know if it’s past Rey or present Rey and-</p><p>She smacks her hands down under the surface and forces her body down with them, gasping for air and filling her lungs before she’s under, the water closing over her head. Her eyes open and all she can see is the swirling sand in the blue water, the sunlight filtering through from the burning Jakku sun overhead. The dirt is firm beneath her feet, the water still bubbling with the temperature of her skin – she can still feel her magic, flickering under her skin, weakened but not gone.</p><p>She’s safe.</p><p>Breaking the surface again, she gasps and slicks her hair back from her face, calming her breathing and scrambling for the soap on the shore.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Rose calls.</p><p>“Yes,” Rey says quietly. Yes, she is. Her heart is still pounding, she still feels nauseous, but she’s okay. It’s going to be okay. “Yes, I am.”</p><p>She doesn’t linger in the water, she doubts she’ll ever particularly enjoy it, but neither does she flee from it and when her and Rose walk back to the camp together, she feels like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders for good.</p>
<hr/><p>Takodana Castle lies in front of them, their forces having retreated inside almost as soon as Kylo Ren’s army had appeared over the hills, the white armour gleaming in the sun. Kylo curses as he draws his stallion to a halt on the crest of the hill. He had wanted to avoid a siege but the ranger’s bird had apparently made it back to the Klossian city and onto the other kingdoms. They’d all had plenty of time to prepare, and their surprise attacks would now be useless. All because of one damned bird.</p><p>“Move forwards,” Kylo commands, waving them down the slope. It’s been months since they left Alderaan and the men are restless. Some have almost been looking forward to the fight if only to break up the monotony of marching. The time would feel wasted, but Kylo knows something they – and Maz Kanata, buried away inside her maze of a castle – don’t.</p><p>Summer is behind them now, the feeble heat of the season fading fast as they move into Autumn. Alderaan remains in permanent Winter, but Kylo – he <i>is </i> Winter. It lives in him, moves with him, follows his commands. And Winter approaches now, both in him and in the way the flowers are no longer blooming, the water around the castle no longer suitable for swimming as the cold inches closer.</p><p>His powers will only grow stronger as they head towards the Winter Solstice, still several months away, and this makes a first good test.</p><p>Kylo tucks his gloves into his belt and heads down the slope, his horse picking its way over the rocks and undergrowth carefully. The siege won’t need to be long if what he plans to do works. If he can control his magic enough to direct it where he wants it to go.</p><p>It takes his troops the rest of the day to move into place and surround the castle leaving the shore clear but once they’re in place, he dismounts his horse and makes his way through the rows and rows of soldiers, armed and ready. They don’t need to be – he’s not expecting a fight.</p><p>Far above him, he can see the small figure of the Queen on the ramparts and he smiles. Good. Let her watch her own ruin.</p><p>“Your Grace, what are your plans?” Hux asks, stepping into place at his side as he approaches the front ranks. “I assume you have one?”</p><p>“Yes, General, I have a <i>plan</i>,” he snarls. “Would you like to shut up and find out?”</p><p>Hux would.</p><p>“What do they need most of all, Hux?” Kylo says, watching the figures high above intently. They’re armed to the teeth but he doesn’t plan on attacking directly. They’re wasting their time.</p><p>“Supplies, Your Grace? Water?”</p><p>“Correct,” Kylo smirks, tilting his head to the side as he contemplates the lake behind the castle and the various streams filtering through the castle’s walls, all heavily fortified entrances. “And when you cool water down, what does it become, Hux?”</p><p>Hux’s face clears with recognition. “Ice, Your Grace.”</p><p>“It becomes ice,” Kylo purrs, throwing his hands out and pouring his energy through them as he grits his teeth, his face twisting.</p><p>The shockwave of magic blasts out from him, spinning at dizzying speeds through the air towards the fortified walls. The water in the rivers ripples gently at first before the magic hits it, sending it rocking madly against the banks, spinning with the currents before freezing where it splashes against the craggy walls. Kylo hears a roaring in his eyes and he yells, his voice shaking as he forces <i>more</i> through his veins, nearly dragged along with the flow of energy.</p><p>Hux watches in terrified awe as the tide <i>groans</i> in an effort to resist Kylo’s call but it fails all at once, crashing as a tsunami across the beach, completely drowning the lake facing side of the castle and freezing piece by piece, creating a staggeringly high wall of pure ice. The spray foams at the top for a moment before freezing too, like diamonds in the sky.</p><p>Every cell in his body trembles with the energy he’s expended but he keeps it flowing, his blood pounding in his ears as the soldiers on the walls start screaming, realising what he’s doing – what he’s doomed them to.</p><p>The lake is half drained, the banks muddy and lifeless, the water all pulled into the frozen wave of murky ice that blocks the castle in. The rivers and streams are frozen too, the waterways that flow through the keep unmoving and unfixable. The only water available to the inhabitants of the castle is that which was already there. And that can only last them so long.</p><p>They will need to surrender and abandon the ancient fortress or it will become their tomb.</p><p>He lets his hands drop to his sides and takes a step backwards, his limbs heavy and dull. It’s not so close to Winter Solstice that he can use that much magic without consequences – he needs rest and food as soon as he can get them – but it was worth it. The siege will be a week or less or Maz’s people will be dropping like flies, and both of them know she won’t allow that to happen. They can take the castle without a single life lost on either side if she’s sensible.</p><p>“Your Grace-“</p><p>“I need my tent to be set up immediately, Hux,” Kylo croaks, his throat hoarse and aching. “And food, I need food.”</p><p>Hux nods once, sharply, and then hurries off to see it done as Kylo kneels on the ground, trembling.</p>
<hr/><p>“Rey! <i>Rey</i>, are you okay?”</p><p>She feels a hand on her shoulder and she’s forced back to her surroundings, the lake-side castle vanishing before her eyes as Finn speaks again, crouching in front of her.</p><p>Shaking her head, she reaches for her water and takes a big gulp, grounding herself before she looks up to meet her friend’s gaze. They’ve been helping Poe with maintaining the weapons but she’d found herself dragged into whatever it was Kylo had been doing just then.</p><p>“I was with him again,” she croaks, leaning back on her haunches and setting down the dagger she’d been working on. “He… he just used a lot of magic, I think it drags me in. He’s exhausted,” Rey whispers. <i>She’s</i> exhausted too.</p><p>“Where was he? We should tell Leia, she might know,” Finn adds, standing up and looking around for the queen. “I’ll find Poe.”</p><p>“No, Finn, give me a minute, please?” she mumbles, “This is the first time this has happened while I’m awake, something is changing. What if he knows that I know?”</p><p>While the growing connection between them was proving useful for giving the Rebellion updates faster than messenger birds could reach them, it was something that no one, least of all Rey, understood. They had to use it carefully.</p><p>“Finn, what happened?” Poe calls, jogging over when he sees Rey’s crouched form.</p><p>“Another dream,” he explains, “But right now. She was just working and then I looked up and her face was all twisted, it didn’t look like her, it was… freaky.”</p><p>“I was seeing through his eyes,” Rey tries to explain again, “The water, he moved all the water, it was…” She shivers. “It was so much power, I could feel it running through me too. He feels stronger.”</p><p>Poe furrows his brow in thought. “How? How is that possible?</p><p>“What if… what if it’s seasonal?” Finn suggests tentatively, running his hand over his hair as he watches Rey pull herself together. “We’re moving away from summer, right. Makes sense if ice powers are strongest in winter.”</p><p>“It does, maybe Leia would know more, if she saw it when he was a k-“ Poe starts excitedly and then cuts himself off. Finn looks round at him curiously.</p><p>Rey sighs. “How did you know, Poe?”</p><p>“Know what?” Finn demands but the other two ignore him as they meet each other’s eyes and Poe’s shoulders slump in resignation.</p><p>“I grew up there. My parents know Leia and Han, they go way back. I used to play with Be-Ren. Kylo Ren.”</p><p>Rey bites her lip as she tries to reconcile the two Kylo’s she knows: there’s Leia’s son, Poe’s childhood friend, a pensive boy with little control over the magic he was born with and resigned to never finding the other half of his powers; then there’s the man she dreams through, a man who can move gigantic waves of water to freeze an entire castle and summon icicles from his hands with no effort, a man whose face she wishes she knew. They just don’t add up and she squeezes her eyes shut, the pulse of a headache forming in her temples.</p><p>“What was his name? You started saying something then, and you cut yourself off. I know he’s not really called <i>Kylo Ren</i>,” Rey says firmly, lifting her head once again. She needs to know. Needs to know his real name, at least, so she can try and sort through the swirling storm of thoughts and feelings in her head.</p><p>Poe smiles but it’s not his usual roguish smirk. It’s nostalgic, sad, even, for the boy he knew who no longer exists. “His name was Ben.”</p><p>“Ben,” she repeats, trying it out. Somehow, she thinks she’d know it was true – it echoes, somehow, around what she guesses must be their bond (<i>a thousand miles north, Ben pauses, his fork half way to his mouth as he hears his name from somewhere behind him, the sound running through his veins like electricity</i>). “It fits him,” Rey admits, feeling the weight of both Finn and Poe’s concerned gaze on her, “Ben.” (<i>It’s a woman’s voice, and only Hux would even dare say his old name, where is it coming from?</i>)</p><p>“Rey, we should head back,” Finn says softly, trying to draw her home from wherever she’s gone.</p><p>She looks at them properly, shutting herself off to the magic, and forces a smile onto her face. “Sure, sorry. I got carried away.”</p><p>As they gather up the weapons and trudge back over to the main camp to find Rose and settle for dinner, Rey tries not to let her thoughts dwell on the day, even if her limbs ache like she’s ran a mile over the shifting sand. It’s hard, especially when she’s quickly becoming obsessed with the faceless man that owns the other half of the magic inside her.</p><p>She’s not sure if it’s the anonymity of him that intrigues her, or the magic, a mirror of hers, calls to her,  but she knows that at least part of it is the simple fact that as the Rebellion head North, winding their way towards the mountains that grow clearer and taller with each passing day, there is the unescapable feeling of being led home even as she moves further and further from Jakku, the only home she’s ever known: Kylo Ren, or Ben, whatever name he goes by, is calling to her and Rey doubts he even knows he’s doing it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Rise Like the Break of Dawn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey takes a deep breath and opens her eyes, staring across the plains towards the mountains as she taps into the magic stirring through her veins. She can’t sense the others, but she knows they’re there – somewhere. She can’t sense the targets either but as she runs over the plan again, she knows they’re there.</p>
<p>Rose suggested this last night to see how her training was going – Poe and Finn had been more than willing to help out in whatever capacity, the idiots, and while she’s terrified of hurting them, even accidentally, Rey can’t deny she’s excited as the adrenaline starts to drown out her nerves. They’re moving away from Summer Solstice, her powers aren’t at their peak, but she’s eager to test them anyway.</p>
<p>“Are you ready, Rey?” Rose calls, shifting the target in her hands and checking that the water buckets have been filled.</p>
<p>The plan is simple, if it goes well: there are several stationary targets, repurposed from archery practise, that she’s to aim for at random to check her <i>power;</i> her friends are holding smaller targets, hand painted wooden scraps, which they’re going to run with to test her <i>aim</i> as long as she keeps the attacks light so as not to hurt them badly if she misses.</p>
<p>“As I’ll ever be,” Rey replies, gritting her teeth.</p>
<p>“Let’s GO!” Poe yells excitedly, pushing himself off in the sand and running to his left, trying to predict where she was going to attack.</p>
<p>Rey focuses, centres herself and <i>lunges</i> as she narrows her eyes to slits and throws all of her weight behind her first fireball, the target closest to her all but obliterated by the heat of the attack. Her back leg shifts around and she turns on the spot, spitting another glowing sphere towards Poe's laughter, following the trajectory of his run and aiming perfectly at the target he holds. Her foot scrapes an arc in the sand as she spirals around, dragging the magic along the path of her hands and it evolves from the tight spark she’d sent at Poe into spitting embers, reminding her of the core of a dying fire.</p>
<p>She leans back and then flows into the next move, twisting the fire between her hands before hurling it at the second stationary target further back. It’s burned to a crisp as her power rocks through it.</p>
<p>Rey is panting, feeling drained and sweaty already; she still has Rose and Finn to aim for, and one last target much further away.</p>
<p>“You got this!” Poe calls, having retreated to a safer distance now he was done.</p>
<p>Her chest heaves and she can feel the beginnings of exhaustion flickering at the edges of her consciousness – this is the most she’s ever tried to do in one go – but she shakes her head, smooths back her hair and closes her eyes. Her hands are burning still, the magic quick and eager to be used, joyful at the knowledge that it’s free and its own master again.</p>
<p>“Rey? You okay?” Finn calls, his voice soft.</p>
<p>She swivels and her arm curves over her head, a ribbon of molten lava snapping like a whip towards him; he throws the target up in defence and the whip strikes true across the very centre, leaving a scorched black line bisecting it perfectly.</p>
<p>Poe <i> whoops</i> from the edge of the circle, practically bouncing on his feet as Finn hastily joins him, leaving only Rose dancing on her toes as she watches Rey.</p>
<p>“Get her, girl!” Finn hollers too, grinning from ear to ear.</p>
<p>Rey doesn’t hesitate, and she throws her senses out around her, searching for Rose’s warmth. She’s never done this before but suddenly, with her blood pumping in her ears and her heart hammering in her chest, it feels like a natural extension of what she already knows. She pinpoints Rose moving fast clockwise as she tries to surprise Rey from behind, and Rey throws her fist out to stop her.</p>
<p>The bolt of fire catches Rose’s target right on the edge, flickering around the wood and dancing across the hand that had been holding it. Yelping, Rose drops it and clasps her hand against her chest, her eyes wide as she hisses in pain.</p>
<p>Poe and Finn scramble across the sand to help her but she acts quickly and by the time they reach her she’s already dunked the injured hand into the bucket of water and she protests that she’s fine, just startled.</p>
<p>It takes Rey’s brain a second to catch up with what’s happened but when she does, the power roiling inside her dissipates instantly and she races over to her friends, her eyes wide with guilt.</p>
<p>“Rose, I’m so sorry, I didn’t check before I threw it, I shouldn’t have relied on instinct, does it hurt? Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I-“</p>
<p>Rose cuts her off with a little laugh and rests her good hand on Rey’s hunched shoulder. “Rey, relax, I’m fine. You play with fire, you’re bound to get hurt,” she grins cheekily and Finn rolls his eyes as Poe barks out a laugh.</p>
<p>“I mean it, it’s not too bad. And it was a good shot!” Rose adds, her own smile stretching to a grin. “You <i>killed</i> it! Remind me never to get on your bad side!”</p>
<p>Poe looks up and around at the makeshift training ground: one target is gone entirely, one burned through the centre, Finn’s has a neat line of charred wood down the middle, his has a spectacular blast pattern on it. “Yeah, bloody hell. You don’t mess around, do you?”</p>
<p>“So much for ‘Kylo Ren has the power, I promise’,” Finn continues, putting on a silly voice that sounds nothing like her but has Rose laughing anyway.</p>
<p>Rey shakes her head with a snort, feeling her stress melt away. It’s hard to stay worried when Rose is giggling next to her, flexing her reddened fingers in the bucket of water. “He does. The things I’ve seen him do…”</p>
<p>“The things you’d like to see him do,” Rose quips, giving Rey a knowing look.</p>
<p>Poe chokes slightly. “What now?”</p>
<p>“Rey wants to-“</p>
<p>“Rey wants to meet him, that’s all,” Rey finishes, interrupting Rose before she can say anything incriminating. She’s forcibly reminded that Poe knew him, Poe grew up with him, knows every detail of the face she’s been yearning to see.</p>
<p>“Rey wants a lot more than that,” Rose finishes with a mutter and Finn smirks slightly, shaking his head at them.</p>
<p>“Can we leave this already?” Rey whines, knowing full well that her freckled cheeks are turning red – she can feel the blood pooling hot under her skin, giving her away. “I don’t… I don’t know what I want,” she says, her voice lower in her honesty.</p>
<p>Finn sits cross legged in the sand across from her and shrugs slightly. “You don’t need to decide just yet. You’ve got time, and no one is going to force you to tell us.”</p>
<p>Rose scrunches up her nose. “I might force you a little bit.”</p>
<p>Rey laughs lightly and leans back on the sand, digging her hands into the ground and feeling the coarse grains shift through her fingers. “Do you blame me? I know what he’s done is awful, I know he’s hurt people – hurt Leia, hurt Han – but he’s the only other person remotely like me. The only person that can <i>match</i> me. Is it so wrong to be curious?”</p>
<p>She thinks about what she’s just done. Her friends aren’t scared of her, not like her parents and the Emperor had been, but they <i>should</i> be or should at least have a healthy respect for the fact that she could seriously hurt them. It’s not like Poe and his swords, not like the weapons they clean and hand out. They can be defeated, you can train with them, improve – this, her magic, it’s so different.</p>
<p>Even now, even exhausted, even with most of the power of the dyad trapped much further North, Rey could set them all on fire and watch them burn, if she wanted.</p>
<p>She doesn’t, she never would, but she longs to know what it’s like to pitch her magic against something that can fight back properly.</p>
<p>“It's not wrong. I understand that,” Rose quietly says, watching Rey softly. “You’ve always been alone.”</p>
<p>Rey’s bottom lip trembles because it’s true. Kylo Ren, whatever else he is, is lonely too. But neither of them have to be.</p>
<p>“I don’t feel alone when I’m in his dreams,” Rey admits, the weight of the thought settling comfortably in her chest. She doesn’t feel stupid admitting it, not to her friends.</p>
<p>Poe and Finn exchange looks silently. Rose inches her hand out of the water and dries it gently, still watching Rey. “Come on,” she says, nudging the girl’s side. “Let’s go and find food. I’m starving.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>It’s several days later before Rey has any time alone. It’s her turn to scout around and she takes Artoo out eagerly into the evening air, her hair loose around her shoulders as it dries from a quick wash. The scrubland around them is still, the clouds gathering overhead dark and gloomy, but she can’t see anything that would make the Rebellion’s life difficult during the night. She’s about to turn back but something in her makes her pause.</p>
<p>Artoo shifts under her, as if sensing it too. She dismounts and drops the reins, knowing the stallion won’t run off; stepping away and letting her gaze settle on what had called her, she takes a deep breath of the cool air and allows it to centre her.</p>
<p>The mountains are closer every day, but today with the clouds above they’re barely visible. Still, she shivers at the thought of what waits for her there: Kylo Ren. Ben. Answers. Maybe a home.</p>
<p>A shudder ripples down her spine and she turns back to her mount with a soft smile, kissing the end of his nose before stroking it. “We don’t need to worry about that yet, do we, boy?” she murmurs, dragging her eyes away and looking back towards the Rebellion, a few kilometres behind.</p>
<p>Stepping to climb back into the saddle, she reaches her hand out to grip the reins and then freezes – a drop of water lands right in the middle of her hand, trickling to the ground afterwards. Her brow furrows in confusion and she tips her head back, wondering if somehow Poe is above her pranking her but it’s just the sky.</p>
<p>Another droplet lands on her mouth and she darts her tongue out to taste it, her expression clearing even as the sky does the opposite.</p>
<p>“Rain,” she whispers, the word sacred on her tongue. Rain. She’s not felt it in ten years and she hardly remembers the last storm Jakku had except for buried memories of holding her tiny hands out to gather the cold water and now… now she’s out in the middle of one, alone.</p>
<p>She thinks vaguely that she should be worried – rain weakens her and she’s barely begun practising with a sword: without her powers she will be at her most defenceless. But she isn’t worried, not at all.</p>
<p>In fact, Rey <i>laughs</i> as the wind picks up, stirring the fabric of her tunic and whipping it around her legs – there’s nothing out here to break up the gusts and now they’ve started they’re only getting stronger. Artoo shifts on his hooves impatiently and so Rey abandons her reverie and climbs up. The horse moves automatically to head back home, but Rey barely notices; she’s lost in thought as the rain starts to fall, first just a few more drops, then a light shower and then a torrent as if the sky was emptying all at once.</p>
<p>She’s soaked instantly, her clothes clinging to her, but she’s not cold and she throws her arms out in her joy. She’s so glad she took a bath, so glad she overcame her fear of the water so that now - <i>now</i> - she can truly enjoy this.</p>
<p>It only takes her a short while to make it back to where the Rebellion are camped and Finn runs over to greet her, first concerned that she’s cold but relaxing when he sees the grin across her face.</p>
<p>“Finn, it’s raining!” she exclaims as she jumps down and finds Artoo a blanket. Her hair is plastered to her cheeks, she knows she looks a mess,  but, like the desert needs the rain to bloom, she needed this to wash away the old and usher in the new.</p>
<p>“It certainly is,” Finn laughs, “Come inside, you crazy girl!”</p>
<p>Rey allows him to sling his arm over her shoulders as he leads her back to their tent.</p>
<p>Rose, Kaydel, and Poe are gathered inside, blankets around their shoulders and mugs of something steaming in their clasped hands.</p>
<p>“Rey!” Rose laughs, “Why didn’t you head back when you heard the storm?”</p>
<p>Rey grins sheepishly and catches the towel that Poe chucks at her. “This sounds silly but… I didn’t realise it was a storm. It was nice though, I didn’t mind it.”</p>
<p>“Come and have some cocoa,” Kay offers, her welcoming smile bright as she begins to ladle the silky liquid from the pot over the little fire.</p>
<p>Rey settles herself down in a space and towels off her hair lazily, watching the others chatter quietly as the rain beats down on the roof of the tent. She has no idea if they’re all planning on sleeping in here but she feels safe and warm and cared for. Finn waited for her to return, they kept her a space at the stove, they shared their cocoa, and her chest tightens painfully as she glances around at them all. She loves them, and she has no idea when or how that happened.</p>
<p>She always assumed she was a difficult person to love, and she always knew she’d guard her heart carefully. She never had a chance to learn differently. But she’s starting to realise that maybe that isn’t the case: she’s hardly been trying hard to get them to like her, no more than felt natural, but here they all are; and she’s certainly not been <i>eager</i> to let people in, but she knows she’d do anything for any one of them.</p>
<p>As her thoughts wander, her hands wrapped around her mug of cocoa, she doesn’t even realise she’s drifting. When she finally blinks, she’s not in the tent anymore.</p>
<p>She’s in <i>a</i> tent, but not the one with her friends. It’s much bigger, and while there’s still the sound of rain overhead, there’s also the howling wind and the space on the floor where her friends tangled blankets and mugs of drink were just before now allows the gusts to whip under the canvas and curl around the legs of the bed in the middle. Rey stands, the blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders, her cocoa gone.</p>
<p>Someone is asleep in the bed. Their chest is rising and falling evenly under the blankets and in the dim light leaking through from whatever lamp is outside, she can see it’s a man.</p>
<p>Rey doesn’t need anything else to tell her who this is.</p>
<p>She wants to approach him. She wants to run and find her way out of this, because this isn’t a dream anymore, not when she can feel the dirt beneath her feet – she’s never felt dirt before, this couldn’t possibly be her imagination. <i>He is right there,</i> asleep, unaware that he’s dragged her here, and she doesn’t know what to do.</p>
<p>This is new. And yet she feels like this has happened before, even if she doesn’t remember it.</p>
<p>She takes a shaky step forwards, stretching her hand out towards the bed without even knowing she’s doing it. She wants to <i>sob</i> because he’s so close, if she woke him, if she could just talk to him now, before they travel so far to find him, before anything else can happen, maybe she could-</p>
<p>“Rey, are you in there?”</p>
<p>She blinks in surprise and his tent is gone, replaced by hers. She curls her hand instantly, protectively drawing it back to her chest as she takes a ragged breath and stares blearily at Finn, who is now standing in front of her, his eyes deep with concern.</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>“Where were you?” Rose adds, her voice knowing.</p>
<p>“I was… I was with him again, in his tent,” Rey whispers, hoping she isn’t shaking because she knows they – especially Poe, who holds a personal grudge against Leia’s son – would interpret it as fear and it isn’t fear. She isn't scared of him or their connection.</p>
<p>“He was asleep, I nearly saw him, it – it wasn’t like before,” she stammers, meeting Finn’s eye. “If he’d woken, I think he would’ve seen me too.”</p>
<p>And there it is.</p>
<p>Finn stiffens slightly and Rey prays it isn’t in fear of her. She doesn’t know what she’ll do if her friends treat her like they treat Kylo Ren, and this bond is surging well beyond dreams and into something unfamiliar.</p>
<p>“I need a walk,” she mumbles, shrugging the blanket from round her shoulders. It’s still raining and she can see Poe start to protest but Rose shuts him up him with a look. “I won’t be long, I just need… silence.”</p>
<p>“We’ll be here when you get back,” Rose promises softly, as if sensing Rey’s fears.</p>
<p>Rey smiles gratefully at her and vanishes before Finn or Poe can cut in.</p>
<p>The rain continues to lash down on her head, but the wind has eased off so she wanders slowly, not feeling the cold at all as she focusses on the heat running through her veins. She wants to scream, she wants to run, she wants to be <i>held</i> because none of this makes sense, none of this feels normal but also, if she’s honest with herself, none of it feels wrong either.</p>
<p>She’s terrified of Kylo – Ben, she corrects herself – but she’s terrified of continuing to feel different too. At least if she was by his side, it would be the two of them against the world.</p>
<p>Most of the time, her friends don’t mind her magic; they aren’t scared or wary, they only mention it in jest, and it’s never malicious. But Rey has long since learned that their attitudes aren’t universal: her parents didn’t understand, it made them fearful and they kept her at a distance; lest she forget that she was imprisoned for ten years and the only reason she can think of was that the Emperor deemed her a threat. She has learned the bitter truth that there will always be people who hate her solely because they don’t understand that yes, she has her magic, but she’s just <i>Rey</i>. She’s a nobody who, through sheer chance, was born one half of the dyad.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s the rain, and maybe it’s her exhaustion, but she can’t help but feel like the magic picked the wrong person for the job. She’s supposed to bring balance back to the world, but she doesn’t even know how to face the man she’s supposed to be saving. And Ben is only one man.</p>
<p>She rubs her face angrily and allows the cool water to steam off her skin slightly as she takes a deep breath. <i>Focus, Rey, one thing at a time,</i> she reminds herself. First, they have to find Ben. Then she can worry about how to convince him to step down and allow his parents to rule again. After that? Who knows. But it’s not her problem yet.</p>
<p>Her mind wanders back to the sight of Ben curled up on the low cot, his breathing even. He seemed calm for once – normally being in his dreams is a tangle of emotions. There’s whatever he was feeling in the memories she sees, but there’s sometimes more. Grief, pain, guilt – lots of guilt. Watching him sleep helped balance that in her mind and she’s glad to have seen it, even if she wishes he’d woken.</p>
<p>Rey wanders around the sleeping camp for a while longer before she slips back over to her tent and ducks inside. Rose, Kaydel and Finn have already gone to bed, but Poe is sitting up, another cup of cocoa in his hands.</p>
<p>She smiles nervously at him and grabs the towel from before to dry herself off again. “Hey.”</p>
<p>“Hey, kid,” he says softly. She should feel annoyed at the endearment – she’s not that much younger than them all – but with Poe, with all of her friends, it never feels patronising, just loving. “You okay?”</p>
<p>She takes a deep breath. “Yeah. Yeah I think so. I just needed… a lot was going on up here, you know?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I do,” he smiles, nodding as he shifts from his chair onto his sleeping mat. “Did you sort it out? Whatever you were struggling with?”</p>
<p>She makes a small surprised noise in the back of her throat. Poe isn’t the most emotionally perceptive person - that’s definitely Rose – so she must’ve been wearing the struggle on her face if even he picked up on it. “Yeah, I did actually. Or at least, I know what I need to do to sort it out.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad,” he chuckles. There’s a beat of silence before he continues. “You know I don’t hate Ben, right? I don’t hate him, and I don’t hate you for whatever the hell the two of you have going on.”</p>
<p>Flushing in the gloom, she shakes her head. “We can’t have anything going on, I’ve never spoken to him. There’s nothing going on.”</p>
<p>Poe cracks a smile. “That’s not what I meant, sweetheart, but you really put your foot in it there, didn’t you?”</p>
<p>She groans, and Poe laughs quietly. “I meant-“</p>
<p>“Rey, I know, and it’s okay,” he promises. “I’m only ever teasing. I really want you to be able to help him.”</p>
<p>She remembers the hope in Leia’s eyes, in Han’s, and she sees it reflected in Poe’s too. All these people Ben left behind, and they all want him back. “I’ll try my best,” she whispers, knowing it’s all she can promise.</p>
<p>Poe speaks again, continuing to surprise her: “I believe in you,” he finishes as he lies down and closes his eyes, leaving her alone to change and slip into bed.</p>
<p>As she lies down, comforted by warm, dry clothes and the conversation she’d just had, she curls up with a smile on her face. Her last thought before she falls asleep is that she hopes she dreams of Ben again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Grief Has A Gravity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Down a side street, someone screams. Kylo forces himself to keep looking ahead as he makes his way down the main road through town. It’s dark and the torches that line the houses are lit but they’re overshadowed by smoke and the flickering remains of the town hall behind him.</p>
<p>He hadn’t wanted to take the town this way, but after Maz Kanata had said she wouldn’t try to stop anyone from fighting back, and after the messenger from Snoke arrived, he’d been given no choice.</p>
<p>The smoke is heavy and acrid in his mouth, the heat from the fires makes him want to immerse himself in the frozen river below the road, but he merely grips the reins tighter and continues to examine the aftermath of the fighting. People have died. People he didn’t want to kill but had killed nonetheless – both those he had ended with his own sword, and all those who had their lives taken at the hands of his men. He feels responsible for all of them.</p>
<p>He <i>is</i> responsible for all of them.</p>
<p>His stomach turns and he stops his horse on the corner, taking a deep breath in through his mouth to avoid smelling the blood and the ruin.</p>
<p>“Your Grace,” Hux calls, approaching him on his white horse, the animal worn and tired. “The town is secure. The people who were fighting have been rounded up and secured. What… what are we doing with them?”</p>
<p>Hux knows what Snoke’s letter has demanded – public and painful deaths, he had written in his slanted, sharp writing, to remind them all who was ruler now and who held their lives in his hands. What Hux doesn’t know is if Kylo will listen.</p>
<p>“Nothing until the perimeter is secure and the men have assembled,” he says sharply.</p>
<p>Hux feels something close to pity for his king – he’s trying to buy time before he has to choose but it’s not going to work. “Your Grace, the perimeter is secure. The men are ready and waiting. We need to move soon, and-“</p>
<p>“Thank you, General,” Kylo snarls, pulling his stallion round with a sharp tug of the reins. “I will return soon with my orders.”</p>
<p>His heart pounding frantically, Kylo angles the horse down the slope until he pauses by the shore of the river. Dismounting, he drops the reins and leaves the horse to graze as he wades into the shallows, his boots protecting him from the water.</p>
<p>Away from the houses, the fighting and the anguish, it’s cool and quiet and he feels his heart rate slow ever so slightly. He still feels sick, but as he stares out across the chilly water, his breath clouding in front of him as he heaves, his brain starts to quieten. He has to do this, and he has to do it now. But if he’s going to pass the orders, he should at least carry them out himself. He’s managed to avoid the worst of the conquest until now – his move at Takodana Castle allowed them a peaceful start – but more blood will soon be spilled no matter what.</p>
<p>Kylo is reminded, unbidden, of a lesson his father had tried to teach him when he was much younger: Han had always said that if you passed the sentence, you should swing the sword yourself. Any man who looked the other way when faced with the consequences of his actions should have no right to make that choice in the first place. It was why there were so few executions in Alderaan. Royalty they might be, but they still believed they had no right to play god with human lives.</p>
<p>Snoke believes the opposite, as is the case with most things.</p>
<p>Reaching down, Kylo tugs off his leather gloves, pockets them and digs around on the small beach for a stone. He finds one he likes and, letting his mind go blank for a moment, loses himself in twisting his hand and his body, sending it skimming across the surface of the water with practised ease. His father taught him this, too.</p>
<p>He lifts his arm, summoning his magic, letting it pool in his hand, and wonders if he can send ice skimming the same way he can send the rock. Normally it would require too much control – control he lacks – but recently, as he moves further away from Snoke’s grip on him and as his exhaustion lessens with the deeper sleep he’s been finding, his grasp on his power is stronger. The ice crystals lift slightly in his hand, shuddering with the power he’s channelling through them as he curves his hand and prepares to try, his expression twisting into an approximation of a smile.</p>
<p>“Your Grace!” Hux’s voice rings out from the road up above.</p>
<p>His control shatters like the ice in his hand and the fragments are sent flying through the air, catching the light from the fires still raging in the town. For a moment they’re suspended in the night air, turned a dangerous red before they drop and sink into the river, the ripples shivering across the surface.</p>
<p>Kylo turns slowly on his heels and pulls his gloves back on, his dark eyes trained on Hux.</p>
<p>“I said I would return, General, do you doubt me?”</p>
<p>“No, but the men are restless. We need a decision, Kylo.”</p>
<p>He grunts and the sickness comes flooding back through his body, chasing away the semblance of peace he’d just found. “Bring me the leader. I will deal with him. The rest can, by the grace of the crown, stay alive – for now.”</p>
<p>Hux nods sharply and retreats before Kylo can climb back up the hill and admonish him for the interruption. Snoke won’t like this decision, but Hux supposes it’s to be expected – the sinister advisor doesn’t like much.</p>
<p>Once he rejoins his men, Kylo finds that Hux has already brought forward the leader. The man’s hands are tied roughly behind his back and his face is bruised and bloody, the injuries continuing down his body – he must’ve fought hard. Kylo respects that, even if every fibre of his being is vibrating with revulsion at what he knows he must do.</p>
<p>He opens his mouth to speak but the man interrupts him. “You can pillage and conquer all you want but Takodana knows the same truth as Alderaan,” he spits.</p>
<p>Hux surges forwards to silence him but Kylo raises one hand, allowing the man to continue. He doesn’t know why he does it.</p>
<p>“You are not the rightful ruler even if you were the rightful heir. Your mother isn’t dead, <i>Your Grace</i>,” the bruised man says through gritted teeth, the sneer with which he uses Kylo’s title making his hatred clear. “Takodana won’t lie down and take this. Nor will anyone else. I hope your treachery and sorcery tears you apart.”</p>
<p>Kylo’s face twists into a snarl and it cuts through the air, the men around silently waiting with bated breath. “Enough. I’ve let you live for too long.”</p>
<p>The anger bubbles up again at the reminder that his magic is more of a curse than a blessing. He lets it forms in his hands again, the man’s skin breaking out in goosebumps as the temperature around them both plunges. Part of Kylo wants him to take his sword and do it quickly in one movement, part of him wants to use his magic and do it <i>slowly</i> icicle by icicle. But he doesn’t need to drag this out, Snoke isn’t here to watch and even if word gets back to him, it’ll be too late by then. Kylo can resist in this small way.</p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, he meets the man’s eyes and stays quiet, the temperature dropping even further. The ground starts to freeze, a gentle layer of frost creeping across the cobblestones that the captured leader is kneeling on. He begins to struggle but Kylo doesn't react. The ice caresses his skin almost lovingly and winds its way up his body, covering him quickly, holding him in place, limbs freezing one by one. He cries out desperately but they both know his fate. The man’s eyes are wild one moment and heavy with sleep the next. They shut softly.</p>
<p>A small puff of breath escapes his cold lips, and then he is still – no more. The ice closes over his face.</p>
<p>Kylo looks away after a moment, glancing round at the Knights of Ren who are standing around them. He challenges them with a look, daring them to say anything. No one speaks, not even Hux.</p>
<p>“We will camp just beyond the town for the night and move again in the morning. I want to make it to the borders of Naboo by the end of the week. I doubt we will see much more resistance in Takodana now,” he says calmly. “Send word to Maz Kanata.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Alone in his tent, Kylo leans back on the bed and reads Snoke’s writing once again. He has shared the first half of the letter with Hux and the other generals. The second half is for his eyes only.</p>
<p>He studies it again, trying to stop his hands shaking. Kylo wears the gloves even now he’s secreted away in his tent, fearing for his control after the outburst earlier with the dead rebel – the control he’d wrestled with then would only come around to pay him pay with chaos later.</p>
<p>
  <i>Disappointment. Soft, like your parents. Not worthy of my guidance.</i>
</p>
<p>When he’d first confided in Snoke, all those years ago, it had been because his parents – endlessly frustrated with him and their own ignorance of his abilities – hadn’t listened. Ben had felt it then, the shift in the universe around him that told him something important had happened and they’d refused to believe him. <i>There is no other half, Benny, we’ve looked. We’ve been asking, they don’t exist, sweetheart. It’s just you, I’m sorry</i>. Oh, how he’d begged when he felt it – like a bonfire bursting to life in his chest, like a star being born, like the beginning, middle and end of everything – but Leia had just patted his head, and Han, less of an actor, looked at him with the closest thing to fear Ben had ever seen in his father’s eyes.</p>
<p>But Snoke… he’d promised to look again, writing to other advisors all over, sending messengers to the south, to the Empire beyond the mountains. He’d listened to young Ben’s whispers, and he had felt <i>heard</i>.</p>
<p>And if the lonely nine year old hadn’t noticed what Snoke was whispering back, was he really to blame?</p>
<p>Kylo sighs into the silence of his tent. He might not have been to blame then, but he certainly is now. The attention of the man who had listened when no one else had was no longer something he wanted. The relationship had warped beyond recognition but by the time he’d realised it – by the time he had began to suspect that the man was using him – his family and any friends he might’ve made had already been pushed too far out of reach, Kylo Ren had risen and had done unforgivable things; the burned town behind them is proof of that</p>
<p>Does that make him a bad person? The question keeps him at night, plaguing him.</p>
<p>He glances over Snoke’s words once more but his eyes don’t really register them. He’s exhausted but luckily the last week he’s been able to quieten his mind and actually rest. He’s tried a few times to work out what the change is but he can’t place it so instead he decides to just let sleep take him; it can be a problem for another time. He drops Snoke’s letter on the low table by his bed and slumps back, his eyes closing almost instantly.</p>
<p>He sleeps soundly and dreams of a desert oasis, red flowers blooming by the edges of the water.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The next morning, Hux is uncharacteristically quiet as the pair ride together down the road, moving beyond the ruins of the town.</p>
<p>He is until he turns to Kylo and opens his mouth and Kylo actually groans.</p>
<p>“Don’t.”</p>
<p>“I was just wondering, Your Grace, if you have given much thought to the fact that we will arrive in Naboo next.”</p>
<p>Kylo’s expression darkens and he shakes his head. “Of course I have. I have a strategy to get around our lack of navy, given that the country is largely aquatic – at least the bits we’ll be travelling through, and-“</p>
<p>“Your Grace, you know that is not what I was referring to, I was more inclined to discuss-“</p>
<p>Kylo leans over and grabs Hux’s reins, veering their horses away from the rest of the men where they stop, his dark eyes locking onto Hux’s blue ones. “If you keep talking, there will be consequences.”</p>
<p>“You won’t do anything to me, I’m your best commander,” Hux scoffs but he isn’t entirely sure what Kylo will do. “You <i>are</i> descended from the Naberrie family, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>Kylo grits his teeth. Yes, he is the grandson of Padmé Amidala, and her family do still rule Naboo. Yes this will be an attack against his own family, and it will be one more sin that his mother will never forgive him for. Hux already knows this – Padmé was loved too deeply and too widely for it not to be common knowledge – so he doesn’t know why the general is bringing it up.</p>
<p>“Please don’t rush into this, it will require more thought than Takodana did,” Hux says and his voice has a gentle tone that Kylo decides he hates more than his commander’s sarcasm.</p>
<p>“Believe me, I’m aware, I will work on my manners,” he snaps.</p>
<p>“I didn’t mean you, although your manners could always use the work,” Hux continues, emboldened by the fact that he’s still breathing so far, “I meant with the magic. They won’t want a fight, they’re peaceful, you <i>know</i> this. But they mistrust magic, remember what happened-“</p>
<p>“I know my own family history, yes,” he snaps. His grandfather didn’t have magic but had tried to harness it anyway and it had killed him only after it had killed his grandmother. The country has more reason than most to fear Kylo’s powers.</p>
<p>“Is there no way to control it,” Hux says quietly, knowing he’s on thin ice now. This is a subject that has never been broached with the king and he doubts he should be the one to try, but there’s nothing for it. “No way to-“</p>
<p>“What do you think I’ve been trying to do my entire life?” Kylo hisses, his patience finally giving way to cold anger. “You think if I could control it any of us would be here now? I’m sure you know the rumours, <i>Hux</i>, that I am but <i>half</i> of what I should be? That on top of everything else, I am alone in this, too? There should be another, to help balance it, to help –“ He cuts himself off, refusing to break down in front of this man.</p>
<p>Hux sits helplessly, both terrified and paralysed.</p>
<p>“But there isn’t. Snoke searched for me,” Kylo continues, his voice low and <i>thrumming</i> with power. “My parents searched and gave up, he searched and gave up. I have little control and no one to balance that and you would do well not to push me or you’ll see for yourself what I can do when I lose what control I have, <i>General</i>.”</p>
<p>Hux flinches slightly when he sees Kylo’s hands tighten into fists, the leather gloves <i>straining</i> like there’s something more than human hands encased in them.</p>
<p>He honestly doesn’t know where the courage (or maybe stupidity, he reflects) comes from, but he speaks again despite the warning in his king’s tone. “Have you considered that maybe Snoke lies?” Hux croaks. “Maybe they do exist, maybe this is what he wants – they might… they may exist, Your Grace.”</p>
<p>The only sound is the king’s ragged breathing.</p>
<p>Hux has never seen the dark man opposite him look so unhinged and he swallows hard, knowing there is no coming back from this.</p>
<p>The ground trembles beneath his feet and he quickly moves his horse backwards, giving Kylo space but it’s not enough: there’s now a chilling wind whipping along the road and Hux’s hair is dragged from its styling and across his face, stinging his eyes.</p>
<p>Of course, Hux has seen the effects of Kylo’s magic on the Alderaanian surroundings, but he’s always assumed that was a by-product of having lived there for years. He’s never seen anything like this, this sudden storm, the wind that’s already painfully cold, the clouds gathering overhead.</p>
<p>Something colder than the wind lands on his cheek, then on his thighs, locked around his horse, then on his outstretched hand. Despite the previously mild day, despite the lush undergrowth and the warmer waters at the borders of Naboo, it is snowing. Hailing. Sleeting.</p>
<p>The snow is harsh and angry and it barrels into his face as he lifts a hand to protect himself, backing away further still. He regrets what he’s said even if there’s truth in it, a truth that Kylo Ren needs to hear.</p>
<p>The man himself is lost inside the eye of the storm and Hux yells hastily for everyone to move well away, to get themselves clear but he doesn’t know if it’ll be enough – the storm is rapidly spreading outwards and consuming everything in its path; the sleet is already settling and freezing, the ice is creeping across the water, the cracking of the great sheets audible even over the gale.</p>
<p>And Kylo himself, even dressed all in black, is barely visible where he sits, hunched over his horse. His heart is <i>breaking</i> with every new crack in the icy expanse of his own creation. Because Hux has said what Kylo could not bear to  – what if Snoke has lied? Because if he has, and he isn’t alone, all of this – every last choice – is for nothing. He has lost everything and doomed himself for nothing, and whoever it is, the dyad that was promised to him, is gone anyway. No one could complete a man like him. No one would want a man that broken.</p>
<p>He screams and the sound is stolen by the fury of the blizzard. Every hope and fear and grievance and regret is swirling like the storm that rages around him. He clenches his fists inside the gloves but it does nothing, he forces his eyes shut but it doesn’t stop the pain.</p>
<p>He has no one to blame but himself and while the tempest slowly eases as his breathing does, his body sagging with exhaustion, he realises that it doesn’t matter if Snoke kept anything from him or not: the answers he wants aren’t behind him, but in front of him. He must go forwards, regardless of if the dyad exists or not, because if he doesn’t, the dark crevices in his heart created so long ago will open further and swallow him whole.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. True North</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her sword clatters to the floor making Han laugh, and he passes it back as he straightens up and runs a hand through his thinning hair. “Not bad, kid, that last one you nearly had me.”</p>
<p>Rey huffs and pushes her own hair back, the sun-lightened strands having fallen out of its buns a long while back. She knows that she’s getting there, that Han and Poe and the others have all had years of training and haven’t been fighting back from starvation; it doesn’t help the frustration that an old man can beat her so easily.</p>
<p>Finn and Poe are sparring a short distance away, raucously laughing as they whack each other playfully. She turns back to Han who is watching her with a little smile.</p>
<p>“You want to go again?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she says firmly, settling into her opening stance again and levelling the wooden practise sword at him.</p>
<p>“If you say so – I’m gonna be sore all over tomorrow, you know that?” he grumbles but there’s a sparkle in his eyes that doesn’t come out very often and it makes Rey grin.</p>
<p>Han and Leia both carry so much sadness inside them and if failing to disarm him despite her advantage of age makes him laugh again, Rey will deal with her irritation over and over again. As Han ducks forwards, making the first move, he smiles because he knows she’s wrong – it isn’t beating her that makes him happy, it’s seeing the steely glint in her eye and the set of her jaw so similar to his son's and knowing he’s helping in some small way to bring him home. He thinks of Leia promising Rey that dyads aren't necessarily romantic, and Rey's deep blush, and he just knows that Ben will meet his match in this tiny, determined flicker of fire in front of him.</p>
<p>They go again and, again, she gets close to wrenching the sword from his hand but he keeps his balance despite her attempts to draw him out and knocks her wrist hard enough that she drops the sword with a yelp.</p>
<p>Rey glares half-heartedly at him, and his worn face stretches into a roguish smile as he shrugs slightly. “What can I say?”</p>
<p>“Alright, alright, you win for today,” Rey grins, stabbing the sword down into the sand and rolling her shoulders out, enjoying the pleasant soreness.</p>
<p>It’s easy to forget that she’s technically duelling with the King of Alderaan in these moments, with Han’s simple clothes and his easy smile. She goes over what she’s been told as she grabs her flask of water and takes a big swig: Han wasn’t born royalty. In fact, he was just as much of a nobody as she is, but during his youth he’d run into – and rescued from the Empire’s soldiers – a beautiful princess from the north. He’d helped her escape and got her back to her kingdom. Somewhere along the way, they’d fallen in love and they were married soon after returning to Alderaan.</p>
<p>It’s so fantastical and heroic and the romantic in Rey swoons whenever she sees Han and Leia together. Rey loves everything about their story. She also loves Han and Leia: they’ve both taken her under their wing without question, answering all her queries about their son despite the pain it can bring up, helping her train both with her magic and with a sword, and protecting her from the worst of the rebels’ curiosity.</p>
<p>“Han!”</p>
<p>The pair look up and Finn and Poe pause too as Kaydel urges her horse over to them, her braided hair windswept and her cheeks flushed.</p>
<p>“We’ve got trouble,” she explains hurriedly as she drops from the mare and closes the distance between her and the group. “I was in town with the others, we’d already got all the food and supplies and we were about to leave the market when some soldiers entered. Said they were looking for the Rebellion and a girl, any information would be rewarded generously. They’re putting up wanted posters everywhere, every town in the Empire, they claimed. We left quickly but I've no doubt someone will point them in our direction.”</p>
<p>Han swears under his breath and turns to look at Rey. “We all know who that is, kid.”</p>
<p>“It was foolish to think they wouldn’t send anyone after me,” she whispers. “I’m sorry if I’ve put you all in danger, I -“</p>
<p>“They hate us anyway, don’t worry about that. You don’t need to leave,” Poe says, cutting her off before she can even voice it, “Not alone, okay?”</p>
<p>“Took the words right out of my mouth,” Han agrees, giving Poe an approving nod.  “We’re a team, Rey. We’ll work this out together.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to send word round to prepare,” Kay continues, “There were ten men, maybe a few more. It’s not too many, but they’ll be well rested and on fresh horses, we won’t be able to outrun them.”</p>
<p>Finn nods. “I’ll go and find Rose – we’ll need the horses ready as soon as possible.”</p>
<p>The two of them dash off, leaving Poe, Han and Rey with the practise swords.</p>
<p>“Let’s put these things away and prepare,” Han says grimly, his hands in his pockets. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>They get a lot done in the next twenty minutes of organised chaos as saddlebags are packed, tents are dismantled and the recently acquired supplies divvied up and stowed away – but it’s not enough. Far too soon, the path from town is clouded by dust as riders appear over the hill and the Rebellion abandons their preparations to assume a defensive position.</p>
<p>They can’t know for sure what the soldiers want: would they be happy to take Rey and leave the rest of them unharmed (not that they have any intention of letting Rey be taken) or does the Emperor want them gone too? They do their best to prepare for the worst.</p>
<p>They’ve assembled around Leia and Han, falling into formation easily, but Leia reaches over to clasp Rey’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“You should leave, our fight with the Empire isn’t your fight,” she whispers. “If you want to go, none of us would hold it against you.”</p>
<p>Rey turns and clasps Leia’s thin hand, her eyes bright. “I’m the Rebellion too. This <i>is</i> my fight. They want me as well, and I’m not going to let them hurt me – or any of you.”</p>
<p>Leia seems torn between pride in Rey’s bravery and regret that she can’t convince her to leave, but she nods once and climbs onto her horse, her husband’s hands steady on the reins. The Queen was famed for her archery in her youth, and while she isn’t as strong as she used to be, she still checks her quiver and smooths her fingers along her bow strong, smiling fondly. “I didn’t think we’d be doing this again, Han.”</p>
<p>Han scoffs and adjusts his own sword in his hand. “Darling, that’s a lie if I ever heard one. You think of everything.”</p>
<p>Leia chuckles, which makes the rebels surrounding them chuckle too, and Rey is smiling despite the situation as she pulls herself onto Artoo, putting her above the majority of the rebels to give herself a clear sight to use her magic.</p>
<p>“They won’t ride the horses right into us, so hold your fire until I say so,” Leia calls to the other archers they have scattered through their ranks. “Rey, do <i>not</i> throw everything you’ve got at them all at once, make sure you have plenty of reserve energy, you hear me?”</p>
<p>Rey nods – they both know her talent lies not in raw power but in the cleverness of her attacks.</p>
<p>The soldiers on horseback continue to advance and Leia raises her hand in the air, her jewels glinting in the sun. The Rebellion holds their breath and then her hands falls sharply. The Empire’s men are now in range.</p>
<p>Rey’s eyes follow the delicate arc of the arrows’ flight, the beauty of the movement in complete opposition to the devastation the arrows will wreak. The soldiers are armoured but not <i>that</i> armoured.There’s a cry and one man slumps on his horse, sliding to the side and dragging the animal with him as his body is entangled in the reins and stirrups.</p>
<p>The rest of the arrows bounce harmlessly off the armour or embed themselves in the hardened ground of the path, and the Rebellion quickly line up for another volley before the archers have to concede defeat.</p>
<p>Rey can feel her palms heat up and she sucks in a deep breath, drawing on her strength and conjuring the familiar balls of fire in her outstretched hands. There’s a few surprised gasps from the men around her but she ignores them and focuses on Leia’s drawn bow string.</p>
<p>The Queen releases her arrow and Rey’s hand whips round after it, igniting the tip and hurling the flames in her other hand high above the rebels in front of her. Bringing both hands together, she feeds the ball she’s released, furrowing her brow as she keeps it on course.</p>
<p>The soldiers are close enough now that when the flaming arrow hits the ground just in front of the horses she can see the look of horror on their faces as they struggle to control the panicking horses, even the small amount of fire having scared the animals enough to slow them down.</p>
<p>They’re just recovering from the second round of arrows when Rey’s fireball hits; the ground before them that was, just seconds ago, packed sand and dirt, is now a maelstrom of red and orange and burned flesh as two more horses fall victim to it and stumble to the ground, the riders abandoning them as fast as they can to avoid the same fate.</p>
<p>Feeling sick at the sight of what she’s done, Rey turns away, brushing her hand over Artoo’s flanks to calm the horse – and also herself.</p>
<p>The fire doesn’t stop them for long, it was only ever going to delay the inevitable, and so as the two groups collide, the ringing of sword on sword echoing in the open area, Rey tries to swallow the lump in her throat.</p>
<p>She’s never seen fighting like this, never heard the sounds of battle, even a small one like this, and the mixture of the metallic tang of blood, the sweat and leather are turning her stomach. There’s too much going on that she can no longer even focus. She hurls shot after shot towards the very front of the fighting, hoping the rebels will know to dodge her attacks whilst the enemy won’t.</p>
<p>Her chest tight with exertion, she ignores Leia’s warnings about leaving some energy to spare and continues to attack, desperate to protect the people who have welcomed her with open arms, desperate not to see another head slump below the lines of helmets, gone forever. She feels like she can feel each death in her chest and it <i>hurts</i>: they’re standing between their Queen and the soldiers, but also <i>her</i> and the soldiers – the Emperor wants her back, they’re dying for <i>her</i>.</p>
<p>The Emperor’s soldiers are close, terrifyingly close, even with all the rebels in between them and Leia, Han and herself. Her breath catches painfully in her throat as she slumps onto Artoo’s neck, trying to force herself up to continue attacking. Her eyes focus on something far behind the fighting – more dust on the road.</p>
<p>More soldiers. Back up. The dozen here aren’t all that’s after them. She feels like she could weep.</p>
<p>She raises her hand to gather more magic, but the fire she draws up is weak and even she knows it. Still, she lifts her hand back, behind her head and squares up, aiming much further back to where the reinforcements are. She can do it, it’ll take a lot more energy, energy she’s not sure she has, but the Rebellion can’t deal with so many soldiers, not all at once, and if she can just take out some of them, maybe –</p>
<p>“Rey?” Leia says calmly from where she sits, drawing another arrow from the quiver across her back.</p>
<p>Rey looks across at her and then up at her hand. The fire there is pitiful, it’ll barely reach the front of the Rebellion, let alone the men galloping in from the town. “Yes?” she croaks.</p>
<p>“Take Poe, take Finn and Rose, and go. There is no sense in both of the Emperor’s biggest enemies standing here and fighting his men,” she says, pausing to look down at her husband. Han nods his agreement and moves to Artoo, checking that Rey has everything she needs in the saddlebag. "Remember, Rey, as long as <i>one</i> of us survives, the Rebellion survives. You can <i>do</i> this."</p>
<p>As she looks down at what the man is doing, she realises that this was always the plan, that Leia must’ve suspected the Empire would send more than a dozen men to bring back a girl they know has magic. The sob is finally wrenched from her chest as her heart thuds erratically. She should’ve listened, she should’ve paced herself, instead she’s empty and useless and she might’ve got them all killed.</p>
<p>Feeling a warm body climbing onto the horse behind her, she sees Rose and her gentle smile as the woman reaches round her waist and takes the reins from her.</p>
<p>“Lean on me, Rey,” she says softly, kicking Artoo into motion. Rose grabs the sword and belt Han is holding up, tucks them into the saddlebag with dexterity born of years on horseback and manoeuvres Artoo away from the crush of the rebels who are preparing to spread out and attack.</p>
<p>Blinking through heavy eyes, Rey sees Finn and Poe, both on their own horses, watching her with grim determination.</p>
<p>“Head for the mountains, make your way into Alderaan. Get Rey to Ben,” Leia calls, urging her horse forwards. “Get her to him, do whatever you have to. They are our best hope.”</p>
<p>She wants to scream, she wants to fight, she wants to protect the others, but her limbs feel heavy as Poe kicks his horse into action, the dust stirring around its hooves as he drives it hard away from the ensuing battle.</p>
<p>Rose hesitates as she tries to secure Rey on the saddle in front of her, knowing her friend is too exhausted to hold herself up for long, and her hesitation is enough time for one of the Empire’s horsemen to slip around the edge of the rebels and charge towards them, his sword high.</p>
<p>Rey is conscious enough that she knows they will kill Rose and take her if they can and Rey lets out a strangled cry even as Rose shakes the reins to push Artoo forwards after Finn and Poe.</p>
<p>Time seems to slow as she clings to Rose and twists to look over her shoulder: the warrior is closing the gap between them, the horse’s nostrils flared, its mouth gasping for air, the man on its back howling triumphantly. He has more speed, more momentum. Rey can do nothing as he advances on them, sparks flickering and dying in her palms, her reserves empty and drained. He's going to catch them. This is it.</p>
<p>The older man on horseback seems to appear out of nowhere, crashing into the mounted soldier with the braying of frightened horses, the sickening slide of sword on sword and a furious yell. His movements are slow, he’s weak, but his rage and desperation keeps the fight nearly even. He shouts at them to go, to leave them. Rose wastes no more time and pushes Artoo to go faster, mumbling under her breath to the animal who seems to understand the urgency of the situation, his ears flat against his head as he races to catch up to Finn and Poe and break away from the fighting behind them.</p>
<p>It's only as Rey catches her breath that she realises just who is fighting their attacker.</p>
<p>She continues screaming for Han long after the Rebellion fades from sight.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Kylo surveys the interior of Theed Palace as he walks with Queen Soruna. It’s changed since he last visited, but then again his last visit is very early in his memories – he can’t recall much more than a few flashes of flowering gardens, tinkling waterfalls and grand hallways. His grandmother was from Naboo, from the city of Theed itself, and despite the rift that had grown between Naboo and Alderaan following her death, Kylo has still been welcomed relatively warmly.</p>
<p>As warmly as an invading army can be welcomed, anyway.</p>
<p>Queen Soruna is silent as they walk, Hux, his men and a few of hers trailing a good distance behind. Eventually, she pauses at a large balcony, the view of the sweeping valley breath-taking in its beauty.</p>
<p>“Your Highness,” he begins, sensing a change in the royal’s mood as she gazes down at the unspoilt land of her country. “I don’t want to fight you.”</p>
<p>“Then leave,” she scoffs.</p>
<p>He resists the urge to scoff back and merely clenches his jaw. “That isn’t an option. But I have no plans to lay waste to this country. It’s too beautiful, and too <i>peaceful</i> for that.”</p>
<p>They both know that his words are a thinly veiled threat – Naboo is renowned for its beauty and architecture, not for its army. Kylo doubts they have the ability to fight even his first few battalions, never mind the rest. Alderaan had been the same before he took over.</p>
<p>Queen Soruna rests her hands on the railing of the alcony, her white painted face and deep red lips still in contemplation.</p>
<p>“For my grandmother,” he adds, trying to keep his voice soft as Hux had insisted he try and do this diplomatically. “She wouldn’t want a war over this.”</p>
<p>Queen Soruna laughs softly and shakes her head, her elaborately braided hair catching the light as she turns and heads back into her palace. “No she wouldn’t but, King Ren, we are not the ones initiating this. Naboo has been invaded before, and that invasion failed – you would do well to remember that.”</p>
<p>“And it was liberated by two magic users, one of the last dyads, I believe, and yet you still scorn me for my own magic,” He says coldly, allowing dangerous looking ice crystals to form in his bare hand as the Queen takes a step backwards, and her guards a step forwards – as if they could move fast enough to stop him if he attacked.</p>
<p>The Queen looks wary but not cowed and he admires her for it. “Except, forgive me for asking, Ren, where is the other half of your dyad? How are we to know that you are not a repeat of your grandfather? How are <i>we</i> to know that your magic is under control and won’t choke the life from Naboo like he <i>choked our beloved Padmé</i>?”</p>
<p>His grandparents have both been dead for years but the loyalty the late Queen commands is still as strong as ever – he’s seen several portraits of her already in his short time in Theed Palace – and he grits his teeth and growls, reminding the woman in front of him that he is not here to negotiate. He is here to invade.</p>
<p>“You are not being given a choice, Your Highness. Agree to our terms and allow our men to remain behind to oversee the last stages of the invasion, stand down as Queen and acknowledge me as your new ruler. If you do it, we will make this process easy on my people.”</p>
<p>She tilts her chin up defiantly at his possession of <i>her</i> people but she says nothing.</p>
<p>“Good. I’m glad we were able to this with no bloodshed,” Kylo mutters, nodding to Hux to signal that they can now leave the Queen.</p>
<p>“One last thing, Ren,” she calls, her smooth voice carrying easily to him despite her not raising her voice at all.</p>
<p>Kylo turns, his dark cloak billowing behind him as he faces her, one eyebrow raised.</p>
<p>“Your great aunt wishes to see you. I believe she’s waiting in the East Wing Library.”</p>
<p>His lip curls in a sneer: his great aunt, Padmé’s sister, held the largest grudge of all of them against his grandfather, Anakin, and his descendants. Part of Kylo didn’t blame her – having a sister stolen from you like that was unimaginable – but part of Kylo, the part that was still Ben, resented that from the moment he’d shown signs of magic, Sora had refused to communicate with Leia, something he knew had wounded his mother deeply. He does not want to speak to her, but something tells him that he needs to if he wants to leave this city peacefully.</p>
<p>Maybe, just maybe, he can show her that Naboo has nothing to fear from him – if they play their cards right.</p>
<hr/>
<p>It does’t take too long to find his great aunt in the airy library, the high windows sending delicate shafts of light cascading down onto the carefully maintained bookshelves. Kylo runs his fingers along the shelves lightly before letting his hand drop to his side as he approaches the slim woman, framed in sunlight. The gardens beyond are sun drenched, the flowers swaying in a gentle breeze.</p>
<p>“Sola,” he croons. “Long time no see. How have you been?”</p>
<p>“I am not here for small talk, Benjamin,” she begins sharply, turning to face him.</p>
<p>His anger spikes immediately at the use of his old name – Ben was long gone, and she would be wise to remember that – and he clenches his fist furiously.</p>
<p>“What do you want then? Me and my men plan to be past Theed as quickly as possible, I don’t have time for this.”</p>
<p>Sola tips her head to the side. “I’m here to warn you, as your loving great aunt,” she coos, “That if you lay a single finger on any of the Naboo, or harm a single hair on Queen Soruna’s head, I, personally, will hunt you down and kill you. Your grandmother would be ashamed of you and-“</p>
<p>Kylo takes a step forwards, his face twisted with hatred. “You dare shame Padmé like that? Bringing her up to start a fight you have <i>no</i> chance of winning? When from everything my mother told me, she would’ve loved her family <i>unconditionally</i> and not shunned me for the magic I didn’t <i>ask</i> to be born with?”</p>
<p>Sora spits at him venomously and takes a sharp step backwards, backing down the narrow space between the shelves. “She would’ve been disgusted with you – just like your mother is now she knows what you’ve done to Alderaan, to every country you’ve set foot in.”</p>
<p>Kylo feels himself begin to shake and knows he needs to get outside if he is to avoid damaging the ancient palace.</p>
<p>“Sora…”</p>
<p>“You dare to step foot in her country, her city, her <i>home</i> before your good for nothing grandfather dragged her away and killed her, with the same magic running through your veins that got her MURDERED?” Sora continues, oblivious to the danger as wrapped up in her twisted grief as she is.</p>
<p>Hux, who has until now been waiting at the door, appears at the end of the row and tugs on her hand. “My lady, you need to come with me right now,” he commands and pulls her backwards, not giving her time to argue.</p>
<p>As she looks back at Kylo, she seems to realise the danger she’s in – the frost from his hands is creeping steadily across the floor, spiralling out from where he’s standing, cracking the window panes and obscuring the timeworn books in a dense, crystalline blanket. He’s shaking violently as he stares at her.</p>
<p>In his head is a storm, the wind whipping his thoughts round cruelly, replaying Sora’s words, so similar to so many he’s heard before, over and over and over.</p>
<p>The chaos is interrupted by a girl’s voice, the hoarse, ragged scream cutting through the icy wasteland of his mind. She’s screaming his father’s name.</p>
<p>It’s the final crack in his tenuous sanity and Hux barely has time to haul Sora around the end of the stack before Kylo falls to his knees, his scream mimicking that of the invisible girl as a wave of energy bursts out from him in all directions, blasting the books and wood and glass with a force they have no chance of withstanding. The shelves splinter and crack with the power behind his fall, and the sturdy walls of the palace hold for a moment before bulging outwards and then, as the famed Naboo architecture fails, being propelled across the gardens, ruining the flowers and the fountains and the carefully designed pathways.</p>
<p>Kylo presses his forehead against the frozen floorboards, feeling the heaviness of his limbs as the power trickles away, leaving him weak and hollow on the ground.</p>
<p>The next time he’s conscious he’s lying on his back somewhere else in the palace, Hux’s harsh voice barking out orders in the next room.</p>
<p>“You men will remain in the palace to maintain the peace, monitor the previous queen and make sure she stays where we can see her – we do not need a second deposed queen running around organising rebellions. Monitor the spread of the ice, and I will speak with the King when he recovers. Is that clear?”</p>
<p>The men in the room mutter their assent and Hux stalks back into the room just as Kylo pulls himself upright and blinks at him.</p>
<p>“No one has seen the state you’re in,” Hux promises before Kylo can say anything. “Sola isn’t hurt although I can’t say I would’ve minded too much if you’d bruised her up a little. But the ice you released… it’s spreading like in Alderaan. We’ve… we’ve received word from Snoke too. He’s half a day’s ride away</p>
<p>There’s hesitance in Hux’s tone, like he was bracing himself for another outburst but Kylo is too weak to feel anything, let alone punish Hux for bringing him the news.</p>
<p>“We need to move,” he says instead, his vision still spinning slightly The dread that blossoms in his chest at the mentions of Snoke’s presence does nothing to alleviate the pounding in his head. So much as gone so wrong so fast.</p>
<p>“We will. It’s Endor next, Your Grace.”</p>
<p>“Endor,” Kylo repeats. Endor, and then Hoth. And then home to Alderaan. He can do this, he can. He can prove to Snoke that he has this under control.</p>
<p>He has to.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The Future is Calling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Posting this without even checking it, please forgive any typos I am in a rush(TM) tonight!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kylo stands at the entrance to the camp, externally impassive but internally in turmoil.</p>
<p>It turns out that Snoke has heard about Kylo’s act of mercy – both in letting Naboo agree to a peaceful invasion and with the rebel leader long before that – and has run out of patience with him. He should be scared, and a large part of him is, but he’s spent so long now away from Snoke and his malicious influence that his fear of the court advisor has lessened slightly.</p>
<p>He’s sure it’ll return in full force once the sinewy man dismounts from the haggard mare he’s riding but until then he allows himself to feel strong, resilient, brave.</p>
<p>Once Snoke has dismounted with help from one of the Knights of Ren, he makes his way over to Kylo and smiles tightly.</p>
<p>“My boy,” he says slowly, his deep voice in stark contrast with his tall, emaciated frame.</p>
<p>The familiar prickling feeling of unease fills Kylo’s body as he half bows to him and manages a tight smile in return. He no longer feels brave.</p>
<p>While Kylo is king, those who live in the palace know intimately that it is Snoke who wields the real power. With no royal bloodline, he could never hope to inherit but it quickly became apparent that the young heir to the throne was deeply in his pocket. Once the Queen and King had fled the kingdom, it had been Snoke who set the young Ben up, gave him a crown and a new name and a kingdom. And he never let him forget it.</p>
<p>“I’ll show you to your tent, sir,” Kylo murmurs and gestures smoothly in the direction of his own tent. They haven’t had enough warning of his arrival to prepare a separate tent so Kylo knows he will need to give his up until they can find suitable arrangements. Snoke looks down his nose at the state of the camp as they move through the rows of tents, but he says nothing and that makes Kylo more nervous than anything.</p><hr/>
<p>Rey feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end and so she spins on the spot slowly, scanning the horizons. They’re not in the mountains yet, not by a long shot, but landscape is becoming rockier and their camp for the night is huddled right up against an outcropping, hidden from the sweeping views across the plains.</p>
<p>They’ve barely stopped riding since fleeing the battle and they’re all horse-sore and weary, plagued with guilt at having left their friends behind even if they all know it made sense.</p>
<p>The worry for Han – for everyone – is written across their faces, their movement sluggish and reluctant.</p>
<p>Rose hops up from where she’s been sat setting up the campfire and she claps her hands, startling the other three out of their thoughts. “Come on, sitting here feeling sorry for ourselves won’t make us feel better, and it certainly won’t cook dinner,” she says firmly, not giving them a chance to question her. “Poe, Finn, you two get that tent out of the saddlebags and up, please, door facing out so we can keep watch more easily. Rey, could you finish up this fire, please, and get food started? I don’t know about you but I’m starving. I’ll see to the horses.”</p>
<p>Her instructions spark them into action and they start to move, Rey plopping herself down by the fire as close as she can without burning her clothes to chase away the cold she feels.</p><hr/>
<p>“Do you know why I have come so far to see you, Kylo?”</p>
<p>Snoke does not call him ‘Your Grace’. He does not bow, or kneel, or follow his orders. It is Kylo who is his subordinate and not the other way around, so he doesn’t try to answer back. They both know that this is a rhetorical question.</p>
<p>“Because you have let me down. When I first became your mentor, boy, do you know what I saw? Raw, endless potential. Your parents refused to allow me train you, you know? Just another of their many, pitiful failings.”</p>
<p>The man’s embroidered golden cloak trails behind him, forcing Kylo to hover a few steps behind his mentor. He can see the proud tilt of Snoke’s head and, as Snoke spares a look behind him, the sunken eyes that miss nothing.</p>
<p>“But you are failing me too. Where is the ruthlessness I ask of you? Where is the deadliness, the mercilessness? You have been <i>playing</i> at being a warrior, <i>playing</i> at being a worthy ruler. I am disappointed in you,” he continues, his voice a low, cruel twist in Kylo’s stomach, the guilt at having let down the man who had been by his side for years.</p>
<p>“Sir, I-“</p>
<p>“I want no excuses,” Snoke interrupts as they arrive at the tent, Kylo swooping to hold open the flaps to allow Snoke to glide inside. The lamps are all dull, no golden light scattered across the bed and the intricate rugs laid on the dirt to keep the warmth in. Kylo follows, unable to walk away. “I thought my training had been enough, I thought you were ready for this. Now, I fear I was mistaken.”</p>
<p>“You weren’t,” Kylo says, tripping over his words in his desperation to prove himself. “Have I not succeeded – Ajan Kloss, Takodana, Naboo, and now Endor and Hoth are within reach,” he insists, kneeling before Snoke and bowing his head, trembling. “All of them will join the my new Alderaanian Empire, as you wanted.”</p>
<p>“Your new Empire?” Snoke sneers, his scarred face twisting into a cruel grimace, a mockery of a smile. The silky fabric of his robes shift as he leans over the hunched form of the king, the soft noise making Kylo shiver. “<i>Yours</i>? I don’t think so. Who allows you this honour, Kylo? Who guides you? You would be nothing without me. Do not forget it.”</p><hr/>
<p>Rey builds the fire easily and lights it with a flick of her hand. She keeps the heat high but the flames low to minimise the risk of their camp being seen. They’re sure they outrode their pursuers but they can’t be certain there aren’t more.</p>
<p>They don’t know anything, really.</p>
<p>She shivers, a flood of emotions washing through her without warning – hatred, self loathing, despair. She has a good idea where they’ve come from.</p>
<p>Glancing up and into the tent that the men are setting up, Rey blinks and tries to focus. Despite all her attempts, she’s never managed to activate their bond herself but maybe if she focuses enough…</p>
<p>The fire crackles in response to her gathering her magic and she tries to follow the thread of the bond north, searching in her mind for the outline of Ben.</p>
<p>There’s <i>something</i>: she can feel it in the way her skin itches all over like a warning; in the way her body turns towards the hills like they’re a siren song; but she can’t quite reach it, the knowledge of <i>how</i> just beyond her fingertips, the shadow of it slipping away. She opens her eyes again, frustrated.</p>
<p>As she turns back to the fire, she hears him.</p><hr/>
<p>“I have given everything to you,” Kylo croaks, swallowing hard. And he has, hasn’t he? He sacrificed his relationship with his parents long ago. He stopped thinking of finding the dyad to focus on ruling Alderaan and now he’s left home, he’s losing control of his powers and losing his mind to finish what Snoke has asked of him.</p>
<p>“And yet I still see you have failed,” Snoke croons.</p>
<p>A finger is hooked under Kylo’s chin and his head is dragged upwards. He stares into the face of the man he once trusted but he no longer sees that man.</p>
<p>“I have <i>not</i> failed,” Kylo snarls, clenching his fist in his gloves, hearing the tightening of the leather. “I have three more kingdoms under my control than I did six months ago, I am <i>about to move on Endor</i>, about to bring it under my control too, and you say I have <i>failed</i>?”</p>
<p>Snoke’s grip on Kylo’s jaw tightens painfully and he fights not to flinch. “I do. Do you know why you have failed?”</p><hr/>
<p>Rey can see the indents in his skin, twisting the flesh. She can see the whitened skin where the phantom fingers grip Ben’s jaw, she can see the spark of defeat in his eyes as he stares at someone she cannot make out, she can see the way he shakes where he kneels in the heat of her desert.</p>
<p>“No, sir, why have I failed?” he croaks and the tremor in his voice breaks her heart as the fight rushes out of him and is lost in the sand.</p>
<p>She stands and moves around the campfire towards where he is kneeling. Can he see her? Can he see her the way she sees him, the way she can make out every strand of his hair glowing in the firelight, the way she can see his lashes curling against his skin?</p>
<p>Rey chokes as she realises this is the first time she’s seen his face.</p>
<p>He is <i>beautiful</i>.</p><hr/>
<p>“You have failed because, as I followed you here, picking up the pieces of the messes you left behind you, I passed through the village in Takodana, do you recall it?” Snoke hisses, and Kylo whimpers as Snoke’s nails dig into his skin.</p>
<p>“You killed the leader,” he continues, “One man. When, unless I am forgetting something, I ordered you to kill them all. All the rebels. Not just one.”</p><hr/>
<p>It’s obvious he is talking to someone – the ghostly grip on his jaw and neck is one thing, but the one-sided conversation, the way his hazel eyes flicker up and then back down to the sand is another.</p>
<p>Taking another step forwards, she cannot tear her hungry eyes away from his face. <i>Ben</i>. The lost prince of Alderaan. Kylo Ren. Leia’s son, Han’s boy. The man he has become is simultaneously nothing how she imagined and everything she has ever dreamed of. The magic in her blood is quivering with excitement and she feels herself taking yet another step forwards.</p>
<p>There is only a few feet between them. If she touched him, would he feel it?</p><hr/>
<p>“There was no need to kill anyone else, one sufficed. The insurrection was dealt with, sir,” he says, his voice scraping across his dry mouth. He is scared. He hasn’t been this scared in a long time. His blood is hot, an unfamiliar feeling, his heart is racing. He knows Snoke can feel it too – his weakness, his desire to please.</p>
<p>The slap takes him by surprise: his head rips to the side, his hair falling across the reddened cheek as his skin tingles and burns, the pain mixing with his shame and embarrassment; he has let Snoke down, he has failed, he didn’t listen, he didn’t obey.</p>
<p>Rey manages to make no noise so she doesn’t frighten Ben. She also doesn’t want to alert the others to what is happening for fear of disrupting the magic but it’s hard when she knows that somewhere far away, so far that she cannot help, someone has just struck this man.</p>
<p>Feeling sick, she drops to her knees in the sand next to where he sits, his back arched over protectively, his face obscured by his thick hair. She was so distracted by his appearance that it didn’t register he was in trouble, and her whole body – every nerve ending – is alight with anger.</p>
<p>Who <i>dares</i> to hurt him? Who dares to strike him? He is <i>hers</i>.</p>
<p>“And how should <i>your</i> insurrection be dealt with, hmm?” Snoke taunts, “Should I send you home like a little child? Should I strike you again? I doubt anything will work – you have too much of your father’s heart in you.”</p>
<p>Rey swallows at the mention of Han, remembering how they had left him just that morning. Ben is similarly affected, and the defined muscles across his shoulders tense.</p>
<p>“You are weak. You are weak and useless and <i>worthless</i> and I see that I will have to remain here and control you if you cannot do this yourself,” the man spits and Rey grits her teeth.</p>
<p>Kylo jolts as Snoke’s spindly fingers clasp around his neck when he doesn’t respond. The man has a strength that belies his frame and he drags him upwards as he tries desperately to choke out a plea.</p>
<p>“I <i>said</i> - you are <i>weak</i>, you are <i>useless</i>, you are <i>worthless</i>. Repeat after me, Kylo,” he drawls.</p>
<p>Kylo takes a shuddering breath as Snoke finally loosens the grip on his neck. “I am weak. I am useless. I am-“</p>
<p>“You are NOT WORTHLESS,” Rey screams, throwing her hand out and her anger liquifies into pure flames that slam through Ben like a shockwave heading straight for whoever it is spouting these vile thoughts. </p>
<p>Kylo sees nothing but he feels it. The raging heat sweeps through him painlessly but he feels it searing his nerves, setting his heart pounding and his head spinning. Who is that? He recognises her voice, and he strains to hear it again.</p>
<p>“Are you listening to me, Ben?” Rey grits her teeth, her eyes locked on him. “Do you hear me? You are not worthless.”</p>
<p>Her whole body is shaking involuntarily. She can feel the heat radiating off her and she wonders if he can feel it too, like she can feel the cold seeping from him. The campfire behind her is rising, the flames fuelled by her emotions and she thinks vaguely that Rose is shouting but she’s closer to Ben than she is to them now, sinking deep into the magic that binds her to the man just out of her reach.</p>
<p>“Who’s there?” Kylo breathes, his head turned to the side towards where the heat came from – where that voice came from. He thinks he recognises it now, and the knowledge drowns out any fear of repercussions for ignoring his master; the girl from that morning, the girl calling his father’s name when he’d lost control in Theed Palace, she was here now somehow.</p>
<p>“You can hear me?” Rey whispers. “You – you really can?”</p>
<p>“Who are you?” Kylo croaks, scrambling forwards on his knees across the carpet. Sand clings to his britches, pale against the dark fabric over his knees.</p>
<p>“What is going on?” Snoke hisses, staring between the tent wall where Kylo’s eyes are fixed and Kylo himself, the look on his face quickly descending into depravity. “End this. Whatever this is, end it <i>now</i>, Kylo.”</p>
<p>He barely hears him.</p>
<p>“Ben, you’re not worthless,” Rey repeats, realising that Ben can’t see her – the bond seems to be dragging her to him, but not him to her. She doubts she could touch him, but her fingers curl around his cheek, hovering just above his pale skin. Her whole body aches with her yearning. “Do you believe me?”</p>
<p>Kylo lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he’s been holding. For the first time in a long time, he’s certain of his reply: “Yes.”</p>
<p>“Rey?”</p>
<p>Her head snaps round and her hand drops from Ben’s cheek. Her eyes lock onto Rose’s dark ones and she hesitates. If she speaks, Ben will know she isn’t alone too, and somehow the moment feels too precious to share: this moment and these words are theirs, theirs alone. He isn’t worthless, and she will tell him every time they meet like this until she can see him in person, until he believes her.</p>
<p>Rose must see the look in her eyes because she holds her hand up to silence Finn and Poe and they both pause, standing in a loose circle behind her, watching her as she looks back to where Kylo is shaking in the sand.</p>
<p>“I will find you, Ben,” she murmurs, leaning forwards on her hands until his face is so close to her own that she can see every birth mark scattered across his delicate skin, the dark circles under his eyes, the thick waves of his hair gleaming like molten obsidian in the light of the campfire. “Look for me.”</p>
<p>He vanishes just as the spark of hope lights up his face.</p><hr/>
<p>When the girl’s voice vanished, the bond flickering and going dormant again, Snoke had exploded. It hadn’t been pretty, it had hurt, but even now as he tends to his wounds in his makeshift tent the other side of camp from Snoke (he makes a mental note to thank Hux for that in the morning) he knows that the punishment has done nothing to quench the fire that the girl’s words have started inside him.</p>
<p>She exists. His other half is out there, somewhere, alive and <i>real</i> and now he knows it, his world has just expanded outwards like the creation of the universe from simply ending where he does to ending where <i>she</i> does. Part of him feels foolish for not having felt it sooner but there are no instructions for this, no one to help them out.</p>
<p>For the first time in a long time, Kylo allows himself a moment to breathe. The bruises on his face aren’t going to be too dark tomorrow, thanks to the ice wrapped in cloths that he’s holding up now, but it isn’t his face he’s thinking of; why couldn’t he see the girl? She felt so familiar and yet so unknown: he felt her power, fire, he imagines, to counter his ice; he heard her words, and he thinks he loves her solely for her promise to find him; his whole body knew that she was there, and yet despite it all, she wasn’t there and her face is a mystery to him.</p>
<p>Working backwards from the time he felt the dyad form inside him, he calculates she must be a younger than him, twenty or so – <i>so young</i>, he panics, <i>too young to be dragged into your mess</i> - but he knows, as his chest tightens at just the thought of not finding her, he needs to be with her in whatever way she will let him. Lover, friend, ally – he will take anything.</p>
<p>His body needs sleep, but he doubts it’ll find him tonight when there’s so much to work out. Her existence means Snoke lied; he either knew of her and never said or he never looked because there is no way that news of a girl with fire powers wouldn’t make it to Snoke who had eyes and ears everywhere, even in the south. Kylo was betrayed by him, and the anger at that realisation has carried him ever since the girl’s voice vanished.</p>
<p>It also helped him hide the truth of what had happened from Snoke. As far as the advisor knows, Kylo’s magic is malfunctioning as they draw nearer to the solstice: he thought he had heard voices, but – and Kylo’s voice had shaken when he lied but he knew it was necessary to protect the girl from Snoke – it was <i>only winds, sir, I didn’t know I’d summoned them but there was no one there after all</i>. When he’d thrown down a layer of frost down around the tent, Hux had vouched that it had been there the entire time and Snoke had seemed to buy it.</p>
<p>Kylo would bear a thousand beatings if it meant that Snoke still believed him loyal and obedient. He would bear a thousand more if it kept the girl, whoever she was, wherever she was, out of Snoke’s clutches.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. I'm Sorry, Secret Siren</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The mountains are deceptive, Rey thinks as she wipes away the sweat beading at her hairline: they don’t look all that steep when you approach, but now the four of them have reached the exposed rock and the paths that wind their way through the boulders, she’s struggling.</p>
<p>Her life up until now hasn’t exactly prepared her for this either, she huffs to herself, taking a swig of water and passing the flask back to Poe who is bringing up the rear of their train of horses and people. Jakku is entirely flat, for goodness sake, and then she spent ten years in a dungeon. Half a year of food and exercise, no matter how regular the food and how tailored the exercise, does not make up for that. She knows this because Rose and Poe seem relatively unbothered, whereas her and Finn are both visibly struggling. Yet another thing to hate about Jakku.</p>
<p>“Rey, do you want to take a rest here?” Poe says, his voice right behind her making her jump. She must’ve been dropping back further than she thought while she was thinking.</p>
<p>“No, no,” she says hastily, even as she goes to wipe her forehead again, “I’m good.”</p>
<p>Rose turns around from the front and raises an eyebrow. “You’re bright red. And we could use a snack anyway, you need to eat regularly especially when gaining height – you burn through more than you think you do,” she says and while Rey knows she’s only saying this to make her feel better about slowing them all down, it does help and she’s grateful.</p>
<p>“Okay, yeah, we can rest,” Rey concedes, watching as Finn dumps his pack and slumps onto a rock, taking the flask from Poe with a relieved grimace, his dark skin shiny with sweat.</p>
<p>“I hate you both,” Finn mumbles, “Why aren’t you two <i>dying</i>?”</p>
<p>“I grew up in the mountains of Alderaan,” Poe grins, shrugging.</p>
<p>“I’m just not out of shape,” Rose adds, smirking as she reties her hair. “But yeah, I’m originally from Hays, it’s a mining kingdom so I’ve been climbing since I could walk. You guys are doing great, I promise.”</p>
<p>Rey recognises the name Hays. She knows it’s one of the first areas the Emperor took over, back when he conquered the South. The mining communities were forced to work to dig the iron and the ores for the Empire’s soldiers. Many of them died under the conditions and the fact that they survive today is a mark of their endurance in the face of the Empire’s brutality. Given that Rose hasn't mentioned it until now, Rey assumes it's not something she likes to talk about and she keeps quiet as she chews on their rations carefully.</p>
<p>“Rey, are you doing okay?” Rose checks, leaving her seat (that Poe steals immediately so as to talk to Finn) to join the girl by the path.</p>
<p>Rey shrugs and then pulls a face. “It’s weird. I thought I’d just get less powerful as we reached winter, but my temperature is all over the place. I’m actually overheating, which has never happened before. I’m <i>sweating</i>, Rose, I don’t like it.”</p>
<p>“Sweating is grim,” she agrees easily. “But listen, as we head higher, it’ll cool down, you’ll get used to it soon, and it’s only a month or so until solstice, and then time will be back on your side!”</p>
<p>Rey grins and offers the pouch of jerky to Rose who takes a piece with a matching smile.</p>
<p>“True, and I can always get a piggy back from Poe, I’m sure he won’t mind,” Rey smirks and Poe looks up, aghast.</p>
<p>Rose laughs and looks around briefly before freezing, her eyes fixed on Artoo and the other horses.</p>
<p>“Rose, what is it?” Poe says lowly.</p>
<p>Rey sees it too – they’re all uncomfortable, moving on their hooves where they’ve been tied, jittery and nervous. She draws her sword and the other stand to do the same, Poe and Finn back to back as they circle around. Horses don't react like that to nothing, and theirs aren't the sort to spook easily. They aren't alone in the pass.</p>
<p>"Don't move, anyone," Poe mutters. "Listen."</p>
<p>Rose swallows and Rey wishes once again that her magic wasn’t abandoning her – Rose is far more comfortable with a bow and arrow but they are with the horses and they can't give their positions away by retrieving them - it will be on her to cover for Rose, and she isn’t exactly the most skilled with a sword herself.</p>
<p>Poe sees them first: “There!” he cries, spinning and lunging forwards to engage as the man jumps out from behind one of the boulders that line the path.</p>
<p>“How did they find us?” Finn bellows as he takes on the next one to emerge.</p>
<p>“And how didn’t we know they were here?” Rey hisses, spinning her sword and trying to keep the third and fourth men at bay until one of the boys can come and help her – she is no match for two trained soldiers, armed to the teeth.</p>
<p>Rey swears and ducks under a sword, bumping into Rose and swearing again as Rose stumbles. She cries out as Rose goes sprawling, terrified that her friend is now in harm’s way. But she isn’t – Rose uses her momentum and kicks out at the taller man’s legs, putting all her force behind it. Rey realises what she’s doing, it gives her enough time to knock the sword from his hand while he is unbalanced. It clatters to the floor and Rey scampers over to help Rose up before the other man can descend on them.</p>
<p>Her breathing is ragged as she hands the dropped weapon to Rose and they both stand again, facing their attackers. They’ve been cut off from Finn and Poe but it doesn’t matter – the boys have dealt with one and are taking on the second, they’ll be able to help soon, Rey knows.</p>
<p>“He won’t stop until you’re dead, little fire girl,” one croons to her and she spits at him the way Finn and Poe taught her. It catches him dead in the centre of his chest and she looks smug before her expression flickers back into fear, the ringing of the swordfight behind them reminding her that this wasn’t practise any more, this was very real.</p>
<p>The two men dive forward together and Rose shrieks as she’s forced back down the path, barely keeping the much taller man off her even though he's unarmed. Rey is now on her own.</p>
<p>She's shaking as she tries to pull up her magic but she can’t, it’s gone far beyond her reach and she’s <i>scared</i>. With a sweat slicked grip, she defends herself from another blow but the next is too strong, too fast, and her sword goes flying. The man grabs her easily, like she weighs nothing, and then she’s screaming, kicking, desperate to get his hands off her, to get free, she isn’t going to be taken again, she isn’t going to die, she can’t.</p>
<p>His thick arm wraps around her neck tightly and she’s dragged away from the others even as they scream for her. Rey’s lungs are empty and she claws at his skin, mind reeling.</p>
<p>“REY! KNIFE!” Poe yells, snarling and driving his sword through the man in front of him clean through to the other side.</p>
<p>Knife? What does he mean? She can’t breathe. She can’t think. Her hands flail and she knows she’s crying, her vision blurry.</p>
<p>No – wait, she understands. <i>Knife</i>. She reaches down as the man pulls his sword back, aiming for her chest. Her scrabbling fingers close around the knife strapped to her thigh and she yanks it free.</p>
<p>She moves faster than he does and plunges the knife into his neck before the sword meets her stomach. He falters and she screams and lashes out again, feeling the knife meet flesh once more, blood covering her hand.</p>
<p>Rey falls, hitting the dirt as the man’s grip vanishes and he stumbles back, his hands grasping at the wounds pouring blood down his neck. The fabric of his clothing is soon soaked, the dark stain creeping down his chest as he falls helpless to the floor. Her whole body is shaking as she gulps air and drags herself away. She feels arms around her and Finn’s large hands cupping her cheeks as he searches her face.</p>
<p>They must’ve dealt with the others while she was panicking and she feels ridiculous for making such a mess of the situation while they successfully fought off the other assassins, but there’s Poe too with only a few scrapes across his cheek from a fall, and Rose, shaking but smiling steadily as always, and they’re all okay and they’re safe and she doesn't feel ridiculous she just feels <i>relief</i>.</p>
<p>The tears brim in her eyes and spill over her cheeks as Finn gently brushes his fingers over her neck to check that nothing is damaged and she continues to grip the knife in her hand even as Rose attempts to prise her fingers off the bloody object.</p>
<p>She realises, faintly, that she can hear the man’s dying gurgles behind her friends. Her nerves are alight and she can’t focus enough to calm herself down – no one has put their hands on her like that in a long time, but the memories are enough to keep her adrenaline high and her mind on high alert.</p>
<p>“Poe, can you grab the water?” Finn mutters, “Rose, light a fire, we’ll burn these bodies and get moving when Rey is okay to move.”</p>
<p>“I’m okay to move now,” she protests and she tries to stand, swaying. Finn wraps his hands around her arms without actually touching her skin just in case she falls.</p>
<p>Poe gives her a look – she isn’t okay, they all know that, but he doesn’t question it and allows her to make the call for herself.</p>
<p>“I killed him,” she continues, looking up into Finn’s warm eyes and shuddering. “That’s the first time I’ve killed someone like that – Finn, I can hear him still,” she whispers.</p>
<p>“I know,” Finn says gently. “It sucks. It’s horrible, and you’re going to feel this way for a while, I’d imagine. But remember that it was self-defence. You aren’t a bad person, Rey. We left Jakku <i>because</i> they were bad people, doing bad things for an even worse man. You didn't have a choice. And, if it helps any, bad people don't feel guilty for hurting others.”</p>
<p>She sucks in a deep breath and gives him a small smile. “No, you're right. I didn't have a choice. And I do feel bad.”</p>
<p>“Precisely,” Finn says, returning the smile and letting his hands drop to his sides now she seems steady on her feet. “Taking someone's life isn't something you should do lightly even if it's to save yourself, but sometimes you have to understand the bigger picture. It’s why I helped you, remember? We're doing a good thing.” He bumped his hip with hers and passes across the flask of water from Poe.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I remember you goof,” she laughs, shaking her head and taking a sip, turning to check on the horses to give herself something to focus on. “I still owe you for that.”</p>
<p>“Nah, you made it up to me a long time ago,” Finn promises, patting her shoulder and moving to help Poe and Rose.</p>
<p>Rey sits herself down facing the others and the horses and wipes the knife clean as best she can, shuddering at the sight of the drying blood. Her heart rate is slowly returning to normal along with her breathing. As the two men build the fire, Rose examines the bodies. She looks up and beckons Poe over.</p>
<p>“This isn’t the Emperor’s sigil,” she says and Finn and Rey are also drawn over, curious.</p>
<p>Poe’s expression becomes drawn. “No, that’s not. That’s Alderaan’s sigil.”</p>
<p>The three of them turn to look at Rey and she blanches. “He wouldn’t,” she croaks, “I know he wouldn’t.”</p>
<p>“Then why else did your boyfriend send assassins after us?” Poe mutters, dropping the leather embossed with the looping triangular knot of the Alderaanian royal family back onto the chest of the dead man.</p>
<p>“He didn’t,” Rey snaps, glowering at him, “Why are you so quick to assume?”</p>
<p>“He’s hardly going to want Rey dead, is he?” Rose adds, “Besides, these men must’ve been sent out long before Ben was aware of our plans and our position. There hasn’t been enough time to get from Alderaan to here.”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Poe sighs, “It wasn’t him, but forgive me for being concerned.”</p>
<p>“Someone wants us to <i>think</i> it was Kylo who sent these men,” Finn realises, his eyes widening. “And they don’t know that we know it can’t have been.”</p>
<p>Something clicks in Rey’s head and she gasps. “Last time I saw Ben, there was someone else with him, someone… hurting him. Who has enough power to hurt a king? It must be them, right? Someone who wants to hurt Ben would surely want to hurt me, and-“</p>
<p>“And wouldn’t want you to unite with him and help him,” Rose picks up her train of thought, nodding eagerly. “So <i>they</i> sent these men?”</p>
<p>Rey frowns. “Yes, but that’s also not the whole picture, we’re missing something – the man said to me that 'he' wouldn’t stop until I was dead. How would a man sent from Alderaan to prevent me reaching Ben know that the Emperor was also looking for me?”</p>
<p>Poe shakes his head and glances back to the corpse. “They might’ve meant this shadowy figure controlling Kylo. But I guess you’re pretty wanted. Word might’ve reached the north. They could easily make up a crime that would mean even people who oppose the Emperor would want you dead too. I say we simply keep an eye out and don't trust <i>anyone</i> we don't already know until we get to the bottom of this.”</p>
<p>“I guess,” Rey nods, running her fingers through her hair. “It still doesn’t quite feel right.”</p>
<p>Finn rubs his eyes. “I agree, there’s something <i>itchy</i> about all of this. Too many crossed wires.”</p>
<p>“Itchy or not, we need to dispose of these bodies and get a move on,” Rose says as she stands up, “We can discuss this as we move but we’re going to have to move fast and stay hidden – there could easily be more.”</p>
<p>As usual, there was truth in Rose’s words so the others drag themselves to their tasks, putting the last man onto the bonfire, gathering up the scavenged supplies and their own bits and bobs. Rey feels the heat from the fire shuddering up her spine, momentarily restoring a trickle of her old power.</p>
<p>Her friends and the horses are all in front of her so when she feels a presence behind her, she doesn’t hesitate and whirls around, her knife slashing down aggressively as she cries out.</p>
<p>There is an echo to her cry – a man’s voice. As she opens her eyes, her body floods with immediate regret.</p>
<p>“Ben?” she croaks.</p>
<p>His eyes are wide, his hand now covering his face where the knife has bisected the skin, curving round one side of his nose and dragging a violent red gash down his cheek.</p>
<p>“Rey, what happened?” Finn calls, raising his own sword but Rey holds her hand up to silence him.</p>
<p>Ben’s lips seem to move around the syllable of her name like a prayer even as the blood drips through his fingers and onto the rock beneath his feet. She lets out a horrified shriek and throws herself towards him, the knife clattering to the floor as she cups his cheeks, pressing at the injury, trying to inspect it.</p>
<p>“Rey,” he whispers, feeling the weight of her hand on his skin, the burning heat of her body close by even as he stares through the air into the forest before him. “That’s your name?”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, don’t hate me, please, I thought you were – we’ve just been attacked, I had no idea it was you, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she gushes, nearly crying again at the sight of all the blood.</p>
<p>“<i>Attacked</i>?” Kylo croaks, barely hearing the rest of her words. They were all irrelevant, the cut was irrelevant – like he could <i>ever</i> hate her – if she wasn’t safe. “Tell me you’re okay, Rey.”</p>
<p>“Please, let me help, your face, are you alone?” Rey begs, her hands shaking.</p>
<p>“No, I’m not, and you aren’t either,” Kylo says coldly – he’d heard the male voice. “Are you <i>safe</i>, Rey? Answer me.”</p>
<p>“We need to move, I’m sorry, I-“</p>
<hr/>
<p>She cuts out. Her warmth is gone. Kylo turns on the spot, searching for her as if he can make her reappear.</p>
<p>Rey. <i>Rey</i>. It’s perfect for her and just thinking about the concern in her voice eases the pain he’s currently in.</p>
<p>“Your Grace? Your Grace!” Hux calls, making his way through the trees to where Kylo fled when he felt the pull of the bond. “Kylo, what <i>happened</i>?”</p>
<p>Kylo licks his lips and he can taste the blood. He blinks at the general. “She was here, I caught her off guard, she knifed me,” he says but he’s laughing, how could this be anything but funny? He learns her name and she attacks him. Fitting, really, because event his cannot go smoothly for him.</p>
<p>“She’s here, in the woods?” Hux says sharply. Kylo isn’t surprised by the man’s lack of confusion – he’s been by his side for enough years to understand who Kylo must be talking about. There is no stranger in Kylo's life, no woman to be referring to unless...</p>
<p>“No, no, she’s… somewhere. The mountains, I think,” Kylo whispers, but even so he continues scanning the undergrowth, praying he sees her.</p>
<p>Hux stoops down and frowns at the snow. “She knifed you, you say?” he says dryly and Kylo can see, as he stands, Hux is holding a dagger, dried blood in the central ridge and fresh blood – his blood – along the edge.</p>
<p>He grabs it from him and <i>stares</i>. The bond is something else entirely now; before it had been a presence pressing in on his dreams that he now knows was her, then it was just her voice, the heat of her magic passing through but nothing else, but now… she’d <i>cut</i> him. Her dagger was here, in the snow. He’d heard other people around her. How long before he could see her, touch her?</p>
<p>Kylo looks up at Hux and swallows. “This is madness.”</p>
<p>“You can say that again,” Hux mutters. “Come on, Your Grace, we need to get that cut seen to. Tuck the dagger away if it means that much to you.”</p>
<p>Kylo glances back down at the weapon and notes the dried blood. So they had been attacked. She has survived, so has the man who called her name. Who else was with her? Was she hurt? He has no way of knowing until their magic decides to connect them once more so he swallows the worry before the worry swallows him and trudges after Hux back towards the men waiting for him in the Endor forests. He has, unfortunately, things other than Rey to think about.</p>
<p>“Rey,” he whispers to himself, committing the name to memory, sending the prayer skyward, a promise that they wouldn’t be apart much longer.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Listen, Rey, sweetheart, he can’t be that hurt, you barely reached him with it, there’s no way he wouldn’t have cried out more if you’d actually injured him,” Rose says firmly, her hands resting on both of Rey’s shoulders, forcing her to look down into Rose’s calm eyes. “He is <i>fine</i>.”</p>
<p>“I feel <i>awful</i>, I’m supposed to be helping him, not attacking him!” Rey protests.</p>
<p>“Listen, this might be a good thing,” Poe tries, “Surely if you can… interact with him in these dream-bond-magic-moments, whatever we’re calling them, you could explain things to him? Tell him about Leia and Han, the Rebellion, that they want him home.”</p>
<p>“They don’t always last long enough for that, I wouldn’t want to start that and have it cut off half way through,” she says, shaking her head sadly. “This one only lasted a few moments.”</p>
<p>Finn raises an eyebrow. “Write a letter then. Give it to him next time this happens.”</p>
<p>Rey glances down at the floor and swallows. “I can’t do that.”</p>
<p>“Why not? It’ll work, and it gives you a chance to work out how you want to word it all – we can help, if you need us!” Poe smiles.</p>
<p>She moves over to the horses and pulls herself up onto Artoo now they’re on a shallower bit of path and the horses can take the weight.</p>
<p>“I can’t write,” she mutters, refusing to meet their eyes as she fusses with her saddlebags, smoothing the straps out and securing the ropes. “Never had time to learn, did I? So I can’t write him a letter.”</p>
<p>Poe blinks. Finn winces. Rose sighs at them.</p>
<p>Rey swallows hard, not liking another reminder that she is not like her friends. It's been too much today already. “Can we… can we just get going? We can think of something, okay?”</p>
<p>“Sure, Rey,” Rose smiles, giving the boys a firm look and smacking Poe over the head before he can open his mouth to say anything – she knows it won’t be tactful.</p>
<p>They get moving in silence, glad to put the bonfire of corpses far behind them as they continue along the path through the mountains, the horses preferring the path to the slippery sand of the desert they have now left behind for good.</p>
<p>Poe manages to keep his mouth shut for a good half an hour, and Rose is about to tell him she’s proud of him when he begins to speak.</p>
<p>“I’m happy to write the letter for you, Rey, if that's what you want. I can write whatever. I’m pretty good at love letters,” he smirks, winking at Finn, “But I write <i>fantastic</i> poetry.”</p>
<p>Everyone groans and there’s an overlapping outcry of disgust and amusement as Finn flushes even darker and refuses to meet their gaze but it clears the atmosphere and by the time they make it over the pass and into the next valley, the colour is returning to Rey’s cheeks and she’s joining Rose in teasing the two boys even as Poe starts to whine in complaint.</p>
<p>Despite the state she last saw him in, despite not being able to see him, when she hears a faint whisper of her name in her ear, she isn't scared. Her smile brightens and refuses to dim long after his voice fades into the cool air of the jagged landscape around her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>May the Fourth be with you! Uploading today out of schedule in honour so I hope you enjoy! Next chapter on Wednesday as usual!! Have the best day everyone &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Show Yourself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey wakes to the sound of Rose bustling around their camp, gathering water and drawing up a fire for breakfast before they set off again. She can feel the smooth parchment of her letter to Ben tucked under her cheek while she slept, the careful words she’d dictated to Poe who had remained silent and serious as he wrote them down. She brushes her fingers across the folded paper now before she sits up and tucks it back into her tunic, at her fingertips for the next time her and Ben connect.</p><p>The note was written nearly a month ago. It is now Winter Solstice. Her heart jumps at the realisation; today, Ben is at his strongest, and it makes sense – to her at least – that if they are to speak with each other before they arrive in Alderaan, it will be today.</p><p>They aren’t too far from the border now, according to Poe. He recognises the shapes of the mountains and valleys and promises that soon they’ll be walking on Alderaanian soil, through the land he calls home. Rey is nearly as excited as he is: even though her own powers are weaker, she can still feel the magic thrumming through her veins in response to Ben’s. Even if she has no idea where she is, she knows she could follow that path of the magic all the way to him if she had to.</p><p>Luckily for her, she doesn’t have to - Rose beams at her from the firepit, adding some of their rations and the berries she’s collected along the way to the merrily boiling water.</p><p>“Morning, sleepyhead! It was cold so I let you guys sleep in, Poe won’t be impressed,” she grins and Rey rubs her eyes and smiles back.</p><p>“We’ve made good enough progress, he can stay mad,” Rey replies, her voice still husky with sleep as she glances behind her and sees the two men still sleeping peacefully next to each other.</p><p>“Happy Solstice,” Rose continues cheerily, wrinkling up her nose at the state of Rey’s hair and smoothing a few strands down. “I know Jakku doesn’t celebrate it much, but back home it was a lot of fun! I can’t imagine this is much fun for you though – are you feeling better today?”</p><p>The cold and the lack of her magic has left Rey feeling pretty miserable the last few weeks, especially with no more chances to talk to Ben but today she’s feeling hopeful, and she nods, pulling her jacket tighter around her and inspecting the cold, packed ground with mild disdain – she never thought she’d miss the sand but she does.</p><p>“I still want to try the bonfire,” she adds, shifting closer to the small fire they have now and stirring the pot so Rose can continue readying their other supplies. “I know Finn thinks it’s risky, in case anyone else is following us, but…”</p><p>“I agree with you,” Rose promises, “You regain some of your strength around fire, so making a massive one on the day of the year when he has most of the power to try and communicate with him makes sense.”</p><p>Rey nibbles at her lip nervously. “It would use a lot of our time today, I know Poe wants to press on…”</p><p>“Poe also wants to know where we’re supposed to be going,” Poe says with a yawn as he emerges from the tent too, waving lazily at Rose. “So Poe thinks you should try and talk to Kylo. It won’t slow us down too much, we’re still gonna make it to Alderaan’s border in about an hour or so. Depends how long this lump,” he pokes Finn’s sleeping form with his toe, “Sleeps in for.”</p><p>“ImawakeIpromise,” Finn mumbles, batting Poe’s leg away.</p><p>Poe sniggers but plonks himself down next to Rey, watching her carefully. “You think he’ll answer?”</p><p>She shrugs. “I don’t know how any of it works, I won’t lie. It's not a call and respond. But it seems to make sense. I can feel it… tugging at me, I guess, but I don’t have the strength to do it. The bonfire would help.”</p><p>Poe nods, taking a bowl of food from Rey as she ladles it out. He tears off a hunk of long stale flatbread as he thinks it over for a moment. “Sure, I’m in. We’ll cross the border and then get building, give the wood time to dry a bit in the sun.</p><p>“How will we know we’ve crossed?” Rose asks curiously. The mountains all look the same from where they are – muddy rocks, the soil still slightly sandy but fading fast.</p><p>Poe raises an eyebrow. “You’ll see. There's the peak but there's another fun side effect of his magic.”</p>
<hr/><p>Once they’ve all eaten and packed away, they set off up the slopes, leading the horses over the scraggy landscape. Rey still doesn’t understand why Poe was so adamant that he’d recognise the change in country, but she’s focussing hard on putting one foot in front of the other, the promise of a bonfire and seeing Ben again soon keeping her going despite the chill she feels at all times. She’s really really hoping that this seasonal change won’t be quite so bad when she’s with him, because right now she’s thinking longingly of the shimmering heat of the desert, the winds that provide no relief from the temperature, the light bouncing off the golden sun-drenched dunes.</p><p>She bumps into the back of Finn and she yelps as she comes back down to earth, realising that they’ve all stopped.</p><p>“What is it?” she pants.</p><p>Poe looks around, his smile broad. “We’re here.</p><p>Rey gulps and steps up to the front, planting her foot firmly on the very top and scanning her eyes across the sweeping landscape below.</p><p>She is breathless. She knows this place, she’s seen it dreams, dreams she didn’t even remember until now, until she could <i>see</i> it before her.</p><p>The ridge they’re standing on is almost white, the rocks and ground completely bleached of colour. Behind her, the sandy slopes of the south roll away, the mountains giving way leagues back to the desert of her home. But in front of her… in front is Alderaan. There are so many trees, more trees than she’s ever seen in her life, and her eyes light up at the expanse of spruce forest – she didn’t think this much green even <i>existed</i>.</p><p>“It’s beautiful, Poe,” she whispers.</p><p>The ground is icy almost right away as she steps forwards in a trance. Reaching down, she brushes her fingers across the frozen ground and shivers, knowing instinctively that this is <i>his</i> work. She thinks she can hear a faint ringing, but whether it’s from the forest or inside her head she can’t tell.</p><p>The land has a blue tint to it but it stops at the border, cutting across the ridge like even Ben’s magic, as out of control as it must’ve been when this happened, knew not to step into the Emperor’s lands. This much ice and frost and snow should make her feel weak, but it’s <i>invigorating</i> and she laughs, the sound ringing around the valley.</p><p>“We should build the fire here, away from the trees. That bit over there looks flat enough, right?” Rose adds, smoothing her hands over her horse’s nose as she grins too. The worst of their travels are over now.</p><p>“Yes, yes, build the fire,” Rey breathes, taking a deep breath. It’s like a barrier has broken inside her mind – being here, in his land, his <i>home</i> at the height of his powers is sending her mind spinning. She can hardly focus and she doesn’t understand it; she’s moved only a few metres from the ridge but every nerve ending and blood vessel in her body can tell the difference. “I can feel him.”</p><p>The others exchange glances but, trusting her, they set to work gathering fallen branches, leaving her to sink to the stones in awe.</p><p>“Is she, like, okay?” Poe wonders out loud, earning him a shove from Rose. “What?! The magic stuff can get weird!”</p><p>Rose shushes him loudly so Poe shuts up and focuses on building the fire.</p><p>Privately, Rey agrees. The magic stuff is weird but she knows only a little more than they do. She’s had such a short time to learn about it, a short time to master it, and by its very nature, there is still so much to learn about it. All she knows right now is that, even now, at her weakest, he is calling her. They’ve been still for ten minutes, max, and she’s itching to get moving. Rey thinks she could run to wherever he is without needing to stop.</p><p>“Rey!” Finn calls, “We’re ready for you!”</p><p>She turns to where her friends have gathered, Poe holding a burning torch in his hand. How long as she been staring at the horizon? Shaking herself free of it, she hurries over to them, her hand brushing over where the note is tucked against her heart. If this goes well, she won’t need it, but she has it just in case the connection vanishes too soon.</p><p>“Do you want to do the honours?” Poe smiles, holding the torch out to her.</p><p>She smiles tightly at him, praying to any deity listening that this works, and takes the torch.</p><p>Rey looks once more down the slope towards where Aldera City and Ben wait, and thrusts the torch into the kindling, the flames licking the wood eagerly as if they sense their purpose. The bonfire, fuelled by the magic swirling around Rey, catches all at once, exploding red hot flames into the midday sky, warming the air of the coldest day of the year.</p>
<hr/><p>Kylo stands on the edge of the cliff, a black silhouette against the bleak white of the Hoth landscape. This is it. He’s done it. Endor had fallen easily, Hoth, already a much colder country, hadn’t stood a chance when they arrived in midwinter. The country had surrendered rather than try and face him on Winter Solstice surrounded by snow and ice.</p><p>He’s grateful for the decision: he’s exhausted, physically and emotionally, from the long marches and the endless strategy meetings and coordinating with Hux and tossing and turning at night hoping and praying for a glimpse of her, of Rey; he wants to go home and he wants to find her. Now he’s finished in Hoth, maybe Snoke will be happy with him, maybe he can look for her.</p><p>The massive plate of ice that he’s wandered onto is soothing the raging of his power, providing an outlet – he doesn’t have to try and control it here on the glacier, he can just let it pour out and the feeling of relief is immense. The cold doesn’t bother him, the ice won’t break beneath his feet, and he closes his eyes and takesa deep breath/ The chill seeping through his lungs is invigorating.</p><p>It’s winter here like he’s never seen it – Hoth is the furthest north of the kingdoms, and it rarely thaws, even at the height of summer, but he knows, can <i>feel</i> it in his blood, that the snowstorms that have screamed over the flat expanses of the country’s ice fields are his doing. They sing to him, the howling of the wind and the rumbling of the deep ice beneath his feet painting the haunting melody that carried him far from the camp, far out of sight of the tents and his nervous general.</p><p>Hearing a crackling behind him, he whirls on the spot, expecting to see Hux or another soldier following him, most likely about to inadvertently put their foot on a weak spot of glacier and plummet to their deaths – they can’t sense the ice like he can – but there’s no one. The crackling noise remains though, and his brow furrows, tugging at the still healing scar across his face.</p><p>“Who’s there? Show yourself!” he calls. He’s not fearful, he knows no one is going to try and attack him today of all days, but he is confused.</p><p>“Ben?”</p><p>He knows that voice. He can feel the heat at his back. He whirls back around, the wind whipping his hair across his face as he locks his eyes onto hers.</p><p>She is <i>here</i>, in front of him. She takes his breath away.</p><p>“Ben,” she says with relief, dropping the torch in her hand and taking a small step towards him – he doesn’t think she can move too far away from the fire, by the way she is torn between running to him and hovering by the flames. He doesn’t really mind, he thinks as he closes the gap between them himself, because with the bonfire lighting up the Hoth ice fields behind her she looks like a phoenix reborn, an elemental.</p><p>He still can’t form words as he stares at her, drinking her in. This is her, this is the girl – the woman – who is his other half. The one he’s been searching for his entire life. And she’s <i>beautiful</i>. She must know that he can see her too this time because her hazel eyes are brimming with tears and he reaches up to cup her cheek, her golden skin in stark contrast with his own paleness.</p><p>“Rey?” he finally croaks and she nods, her tawny hair bouncing around her shoulders, stirred by the wind he knows he’s wrapping around them like he can somehow keep her here with him forever. Her eyes are so large he thinks he could drown in them. He’d go willingly.</p><p>Her fire is starting to melt the ice around her feet and so he sends his own magic out to meet it, freezing the water easily, balancing it against the bonfire. He imagines her skin is warm to touch, he can’t seem to feel her like she’s not fully there even if <i>she</i> can touch him.</p><p>“Ben, I don’t know how much time we have,” she starts, her voice drawing his attention: it’s clearer now, sharper, like before she had been behind a wall. He brings his other hand up to hover by her waist, curling around her, hardly daring to breathe when she lets him rest there. “I’ve written down – or Poe did – everything you need to know, everything about our plans, where we’re heading, in case we get cut off.”</p><p>She shifts to remove a carefully folded piece of parchment from her tunic, tucking it into his jacket tenderly. He’s too distracted by the sight of her to really notice, but when she reaches up to brush her fingers along his jaw he’s suddenly paying attention again.</p><p>“Ben, please?” she whispers. “Where are you now?”</p><p>“Hoth,” he breathes, his voice low. He’s scared if he speaks louder she’ll vanish like she has before. “I’m in Hoth.”</p><p>Her face falls. “Hoth? That’s so far north… we’re only just in Alderaan now, we thought you would be in Aldera.”</p><p>He shakes his head. “No, no, I should be heading back soon though?” He think she can probably hear the edge of desperation to his voice.</p><p>It’s there in hers too as she replies. “How fast can you make it back? We need to talk. Properly. I need to –“ She cuts herself off, her cheeks flushing. “I need to see you.”</p><p>“I do too. Need to see you, that is,” he stammers. “I can be home soon, it won’t take long, please, Rey, head to the castle, get inside and wait for me. It’ll be a fortnight, maybe sooner if I can ride ahead of the men.”</p><p>She nods her understanding, shivering – home. Home for him was still a place, still the castle. She’d already accepted her home was him and two weeks seems so long to wait when they’ve come so far. “We’ll be waiting.”</p><p>Rey reaches up and runs a delicate finger over the scar on his face, her expression flooding with guilt. “I’m sorry. I never meant this.”</p><p>He shakes his head, wishing he could take her hand in his - <i>two weeks, just two weeks of riding stood between him and her</i> - and he licks his lips. “You aren’t to blame. It’s healed well, please don’t worry. Are – are you hurt? You said you’d been attacked, I was beside myself with fear.”</p><p>She smiles. “I’m safe, we’re all safe. Someone sent men after us – maybe the Emperor, maybe someone else. They’re long gone now.”</p><p>Ben bites back a growl. The thought of someone laying a hand on her makes his blood splinter in icy rage, a feeling he thought he was familiar with but increased a thousand fold when it’s over her.</p><p>“They had Alderaanian symbols on them,” she continues reluctantly, her eyes flickering up from his chest to his face again. “Do… do you know who could’ve sent them?”</p><p>He does growl this time. “Snoke. Snoke must’ve sent them. He knew about you, that night when you found me and he was… he was there too.”</p><p>“It was Snoke who hurt you?” Her voice is sharp, angry, and it makes his heart skip a beat to see how defensive of him she is. “I’ll kill him.”</p><p>“No, you’re going to stay away from him, you hear me?” he says, trying to imbue his voice with enough command to make her obey, “This isn’t a request. Listen to me, Rey, if he’s ordering men after you, he will know you’re heading to Aldera. Stay <i>away</i> from him.”</p><p>“I’ll do my best,” she mutters. She knows full well she’ll <i>try</i> but if the bastard stumbles across her… she’ll see what happens then.</p><p>“Rey, the fire isn’t going to last much longer.” That man’s voice again. Ben scowls.</p><p>“That’s Finn, he’s travelling with me, he helped me escape. He’s my <i>friend</i>,” she says soothingly but it does the opposite of soothe; if she feels the need to clarify that he’s a friend, does that mean she’s implying – could she feel differently about him? “Listen if it's about to die then I won’t be able to stick around much longer, I don’t have the power for it right now,” she adds hastily, stepping closer to him, memorising the feel of his body close to hers, hoping it’ll carry her through the next few weeks.</p><p>“Rey, get to the city, get into the castle, I’ll find you, I – I can feel you, even now. Like a window has been broken,” he chokes out. “I’ll find you, I know I will, just <i>stay away from Snoke</i>, do you promise?”</p><p>“I promise,” Rey nods, checking the note is in place just in case he forgets anything. “You’d better be there, Ben, I don’t want to wait any longer. I think we’ve done enough waiting for a lifetime.”</p><p>“I’ll be there,” he promises, ghosting his hand over her hair softly, the outline of her flickering like the dying fire behind her. “Stay safe.”</p><p>She runs her hand over the scar again, her eyes bright. “You too.”</p><p>“One last thing,” Ben says, his face stretching into a little smile. The way it lights up his face makes Rey’s heart skip a beat. “Hold out your hand.”</p><p>She does as he says, raising an eyebrow. He twists his hand and, starting in the centre of her palm and working out, the air crystallises into a delicate snowflake, each fractal forming and blooming like a winter flower. It shimmers in her palm and her face splits into a grin so brilliant he thinks it could melt him.</p><p>“It’s beautiful.”</p><p>“Happy Solstice, Rey.”</p><p>“Happy Solstice, Ben,” she replies gently, holding the snowflake to her heart and reluctantly, painfully, stepping away.</p><p>He lets his hands drop to his sides as he watches her – his phoenix – stepping back towards the fire that’s quickly reducing itself to embers.</p><p>“Two weeks,” she says, the words a promise he doesn’t intend to break.</p><p>Then she’s gone, and he is alone on the glacier once more, the only evidence she’d been there at all the circle of smooth ice at his feet and the fire dancing in his heart.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. In Her Song, All Magic Flows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From Artoo’s back, Rey can only stare in awe and unfiltered joy at the miles and miles of forest, stretching behind them to the border and in front of them to Aldera City where Ben will be waiting. Weak winter sunlight cascades through the branches overhead and even though they’re bare of leaves, Rey can imagine what this place will be like in summer.</p>
<p>“What are you thinking about?” Finn asks as he pulls his horse up next to hers and smiles at her warmly.</p>
<p>“How beautiful this whole place is. How I didn’t know this many trees even existed. How we’re so close to arriving and then I get to meet him properly. I’m nervous,” she admits, but she’s still grinning uncontrollably. “But mostly how I think I can feel Spring waking up.”</p>
<p>Finn raises an eyebrow at her. “You can <i>feel</i> Spring?”</p>
<p>Rey shrugs. “I guess. It certainly feels like that. It’s in the ground, in the trees, the life is everywhere even if you can’t see it.”</p>
<p>“Rey – the poet,” Poe teases, “I hope you can feel that, you know, Alderaan could use a warm spring after so long.”</p>
<p>Rey frowns across at him. “After so long?”</p>
<p>Poe’s face goes pale. “You mean… you didn’t know? I thought… you’ve said before you know he made Alderaan colder.”</p>
<p>She shakes her head. “No, no, I knew he did that, but I didn’t know it was all year round. You mean… it’s been like this for years? Winter, permanently?”</p>
<p>“Crops haven’t been growing. Fields are barren. There are barely any fish, barely any animals. It’s been a hard few years,” Poe admits quietly, “It’s why I left with the Rebellion. My parents stayed behind to help the people as best they could. They’ve said it’s been getting worse recently, even though he’s been away attacking whatever countries he can get his hands on,” Poe says bitterly. “My parents are pretty well off, they’ve been distributing supplies and money where they can but so many people can’t farm or work or survive.”</p>
<p>“I always thought…” Rey begins and then has to pause for breath and to collect her thoughts. “I knew I was coming here to help him, but I never thought it would be like this. It was the stop a war, to bring Han and Leia home, not to reverse magic that neither of us understand.”</p>
<p>Her thoat is dry and her chest feels tight. How did she never know this? Why did no one tell her? How is she supposed to end a magical winter even if Ben is by her side; neither of them understand this magic, there’s no guidebook, no one to tell them how to do this.</p>
<p>“I need – can I have a minute?” she croaks, slipping from Artoo’s back and pacing away from her friends. “Don’t follow me, I want – I need to… I need to think.”</p>
<p>Finn looks like he’s about to protest but Rose glares at him, letting her go in silence.</p>
<p>Rey walks for a seemingly endless amount of time before she’s stopped by the tightness in her chest and she sinks to her knees on the hard ground, digging her fingers into the dirt and focussing on breathing in and out, in and out.</p>
<p>The air is still and cold, but as she clenches her fists, the dirt digging in under her nails, she <i>knows</i> she can feel more. It’s not long after solstice, but she knows the sway of the magic is slowly turning in her favour. She’s not so cold anymore, and despite Finn’s incredulity, she is certain she can feel Spring; it might be buried deep down, but heat is moving through the Earth. Closing her eyes, she focusses on that rather than her panic, extending her consciousness out: she can make out the horses and her friends easily, they’re bright flames in the landscape, but if she opens her mind further, she can feel the life here: there’s not many birds, and they move almost too fast for her to distinguish them but they’re there; there are sleeping flowers, their signature so small that it barely registers, leaves waiting to unfurl, searching for the heat of the sun that hasn’t come for years.</p>
<p>The longer she sits like this, her knees going numb, burying her fingers in the thawing mud, the brighter the land around her seems to burn. The heat inside her is stirring it somehow, drawing it to the surface. A bird chirps, the blood pulsing through its body in time with Rey’s heart. A flower blooms, red petals bright in the clearing. The ice in the river by her side <i>cracks</i> and the sound of rushing water underneath can be heard for the first time in years. She doesn’t notice, lost in the magic as she is. She feels calmer, more centred.</p>
<p>Footsteps startle her, and her eyes fly open, dragging her from her trance as she stands and turns, hand resting on the sword at her belt. It’s just Rose, watching her with wide eyes.</p>
<p>“Why do you doubt yourself, Rey?” Rose asks gently, her warm brown eyes fixed on Rey.</p>
<p>“I never knew I had to fix <i>Winter</i>,” Rey whispers. “I thought I was just convincing Ben to step down. To let the countries be free. I thought I could do that. Reversing magic like this? I can’t do it, we’ve come all this way and I’ve failed you all,” she chokes.</p>
<p>Rose laughs and Rey is angry with her. Her laughter isn’t welcome here.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” she snaps. Rose continues laughing. “Rose, stop it!”</p>
<p>“Look around you, Rey,” Rose says, clutching her sides. “Oh, I shouldn’t laugh, but – just <i>look</i>!”</p>
<p>Rey blinks and wipes her eyes, turning slowly on the spot, speechless once again. Where the clearing had once been frozen and bare, it now teemed with life. The ice has melted, the red-breasted robins of winter hopping confusedly from branch to branch. Riotous displays of flowers explode from the bases of the trees, in fiery reds, glowing yellows and all the shades in between.</p>
<p>“You did this, Rey,” Rose continues, her voice softening as she sees the awe on Rey’s face. “You did this. So please don’t think you’ve failed us.”</p>
<p>“I can’t do this, I control fire, not flowers,” Rey shakes her head in confusion, still staring at the chaos around her.</p>
<p>“Maybe we were limiting you by saying that,” Rose shrugs, leaning against a trunk and smiling at the robins overhead. “Ben is Winter. Ice, yes, but winter is more than that. It’s the dying of the year, the calm, the cold. And you are his opposite. So yes, that means fire. But it also means <i>rebirth</i>: Spring, Summer, life, growth. He created eternal winter, of course you can balance that.”</p>
<p>Rey feels hot tears slipping down her cheeks. “All of this is because of me. I can do all of this?” she breathes. “I never… I never knew. Rose, I’ve barely seen flowers before this last week.”</p>
<p>Her friend slips over, gently gripping her upper arms. “But now you do. I have a feeling your magic is going to start doing a whole tonne more weird stuff before this is all over. Dyads are beyond powerful, Leia had her suspicions that your bond would reveal more as time went on. She warned us, she knew Ben’s powers had changed rapidly as he was growing into them, but she didn’t want to spook you.”</p>
<p>Rey swallows. There is probably more her friends haven’t told her but she can’t find it within herself to be too mad at them when they’re watching her back. She nods.</p>
<p>“Are you ready to go back to the others?” Rose checks, rubbing Rey’s arms reassuringly.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah I am,” Rey promises, wiping her eyes again and taking one last look at the scenery in front of her. She can do this, she can set the land back on its course. She believes in her and Ben.</p>
<p>“Then let’s go,” Rose smiles, “Ben will be waiting.”</p>
<p>One week. One week and she’d be with him. As she climbs back onto Artoo’s back, the boys sensibly saying nothing, she allows herself to dwell on the memory of his hands hovering over her hair, her hips, her cheeks. Behind them lies a path of thawing ground, the grass green and fresh beneath the horses’ hooves.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Aldera City isn’t far from the edge of the hills, the architecture designed to reflect the beauty of the landscape it’s set in. The stone of the walls and towering castle match the rock of the mountains the group had left behind; the lakes, though frozen over, reflect the image of the farms and homesteads littering the barren fields. It’s beautiful, even desolate as it is now.</p>
<p>Poe’s face seems lit from within with joy and Rey remembers that this is the first time he’s been home in years. She reaches over to squeeze his hand in support and he laughs and ruffles her hair affectionately, standing up in the saddle and whooping, making them all laugh with him.</p>
<p>“I’m home!” he yells, practically dancing in the saddle until Finn makes his horse flick him in the face with its tail and the pair of them break into a gallop as Poe chases after him, yelling lightheartedly in protest.</p>
<p>“So much for not drawing attention to ourselves,” Rey calls after them.</p>
<p>Rose rolls her eyes. “They’ll wear themselves out in five minutes, tops.”</p>
<p>She's completely right; within a few minutes the boys are back by their side, wrapping themselves in their cloaks both for disguise and for keeping out the chill that permeates the air. Considering they are members of the Rebellion and Rey’s wanted posters could very well have made it here too, they make a point to cover more of their faces as they approach the city, the horses making quick time over the frozen ground.</p>
<p>“I’ve never seen a city like it,” Rey breathes to Rose as they approach the walls, the warm colour of the stone at odds with the snow covering the ground and the parapets. Niima hadn’t been walled – it didn’t need it to keep people out because no one wanted to enter Niima at all. But the palace itself had been walled for the Emperor’s protection, and she was sure the castle here was the same.</p>
<p>“I wish you were seeing it in the summer,” Poe says mournfully. “That’s when it’s at its most beautiful. The walls glow in the sunset.”</p>
<p>Finn pats his shoulder gently as they pause in the shadow of the great gates. Poe smiles at him and then jumps from his horse to speak to the guards. While the Rebellion are arguably more popular than Kylo Ren’s rule here, the city guards are more likely than most to be loyal to the crown and not to Leia; they’ll have to bluff their way into the city and play this very carefully.</p>
<p>Luckily for them, the Damerons are well known and respectable enough that Poe can get them in without too much fuss – the guards eye them suspiciously as they trot through and Rey sinks deeper into the hood of her cloak as Rose winks at the men to distract them momentarily before the gates shut with a solid thud behind them and they pause in the courtyard, staring through the archway up the main street of Aldera, all the way to the castle at the top of the gentle slope.</p>
<p>“We did it,” Finn grins, glancing around at them and pulling a returning grin from Rey.</p>
<p>“This is insane,” she laughs, shaking her head. “I don’t believe it.”</p>
<p>“You’d better believe it, baby,” Poe laughs, wrapping the reins around his hands lazily and taking a deep, satisfied breath. “Okay, plan: we head to my parents’ house, Rey and Rose get into disguises and get into the palace to establish where our errant king is while Finn and I get word back to Leia and make plans for the meantime.”</p>
<p>Rose nods and smooths her hand down her horse’s neck, glad that they were getting a proper rest now they’d finished the journey. “Sounds great. Let’s go!”</p>
<p>Beaming, Poe leads them through the bustling streets of Aldera, up the gentle slope that leads to the castle. They move through quiet residential areas, into the colourful market square where the horses jump at the noise and the smells, up further still into the business districts where the cobbles are freshly swept, darting around patrols of the King’s men. Poe jumps off his horse when they reach a painted sign reading ‘Yavin Street’, stretching his legs.</p>
<p>“My house is down here. My parents <i>should</i> be expecting us,” he shrugs, leading his horse down the narrower street with a bright smile. “They’re gonna love you guys.”</p>
<p>“I should hope so,” Rose teases, dismounting too and hurrying after him, looking forward to a hot meal and a chance to rest before they have to set off again.</p>
<p>Finn and Rey give each other a look, wholly unused to this kind of living, before shrugging and following, keeping quiet as Poe chatters away to Rose about his family.</p>
<p>“If you try and call them anything other than Shara and Kes, they’ll throw a fit, don’t bother with the whole Mr and Mrs nonsense,” he warns as he raps sharply on a beautifully carved wooden door, ignoring the brass knocker the way he’s always done since he was a child.</p>
<p>“Poe?” a woman’s voice calls from inside. It’s either a mother’s intuition or knowing from years of habit what it sounds like when her son comes home. Rey’s chest aches suddenly. “Kes, it’s Poe!”</p>
<p>The door is wrenched open and Poe is dragged into a tight hug by a tall woman with glossy curls tumbling down her back, her dark eyes bright as she practically spins Poe on the spot.</p>
<p>“You made it! KES! Hurry, he’s here!” she grins, cupping Poe’s cheeks. “Oh it’s so good to see you! You look so handsome!”</p>
<p>Poe actually blushes and Rose cackles gleefully as she secures their horses outside and shoves her hood down, the street empty of strangers.</p>
<p>“It’s lovely to meet you, Shara, and thank you for taking us in,” Finn adds politely and Poe glances across at him happily.</p>
<p>“I won’t hear another word about it. Even if you weren’t with Leia, my son’s friends are always welcome here,” she laughs, hurrying them inside and shutting the door firmly. “Poe, introduce me, please? I have some vague ideas about who is who from Rebellion letters but I don’t know for sure.”</p>
<p>Poe laughs at his mother as he hangs his cloak up and gestures round to them. “This is Finn. He joined us in Jakku when we did the rescue mission.” Finn waves shyly, seeing Kes slip into the room behind his wife with a broad grin so similar to Poe’s. “This is Rose, horse whisperer and the only one of us with any sense.” Rose laughs and bobs into a jokey curtsey. “And this is Rey. Our chosen one,” he teases.</p>
<p>Shara’s eyes dance as she reaches forward to clasp Rey’s hands in her own. “It’s an honour to meet you. To meet <i>all</i> of you.”</p>
<p>Rey blushes a deep red and feels her skin heat up. It’s another reminder that everyone seemed to know what she had to do before she did.</p>
<p>“Are you all hungry? We weren’t sure exactly when you’d arrive so nothing is ready, but we can put some food on and you can wash,” Kes adds, looping an arm around his wife’s shoulders. “And maybe fill us in on what the plan is? Leia didn’t want to say in a letter, no matter how coded it was.”</p>
<p>Poe nods, “Sounds great, thanks Dad. I’ll get this lot settled and then we’ll explain. Finn, we can grab the bags while the girls wash first?”</p>
<p>Shara gestures for them to follow her upstairs as the men head back out to bring in their saddle bags and work out their next move. It doesn’t take long for Rey and Rose to loop Shara into their plan to get inside the castle or for her to find clothes suitable for their servant disguise. She draws them some hot water and they’re clean and changed by the time Poe knocks on the washing room door.</p>
<p>“Who are these clean young ladies?” he jokes as they emerge and Rey whacks him with a grin. "Rey, you have freckles! Have they been under the mud this whole time?"</p>
<p>“Like <i>you</i> can talk, your hair is <i>stiff</i> with dirt,” Rey protests as they sidle downstairs to find out if food is ready.</p>
<p>“It’s called <i>styling</i>, Rey!” he calls to her retreating back.</p>
<p>Once the boys have also cleaned, they assemble in the little kitchen, crowded around the oak table in the centre, hands wrapped around mugs of tea and a tray of fresh honey cakes tempting them all with the promise of sticky glaze and golden sugar.</p>
<p>“So tell me,” Shara says firmly and her tone reminds Rey that this woman – and her husband too – served Han and Leia for many years in their personal guard. “You need to wait for Kylo Ren to return, and then, what Rey is just supposed to… convince him to give it all up? That’s hardly a plan, Poe.”</p>
<p>“My thoughts exactly,” Rey mutters, sipping her tea. “They all seem to think the moment he walks in and sees me he’ll hand the crown back.”</p>
<p>“He will,” Rose shrugs. “From what you’ve told us he’s just as in love with you as you are with him!”</p>
<p>Rey chokes on her mouthful of tea and Finn has to hastily pat her back to help her clear her airways. “He’s not in love with me!”</p>
<p>Shara and Kes share a smile, noticing that she doesn’t deny loving him. “Even <i>if</i> he isn’t, which, if what I remember of him as a boy, doesn’t seem likely,” Kes says gently, “I disagree. I think that is a plan. He was always lonely, the magic kept him apart from so much no matter how much anyone tried. Han and Leia weren’t perfect by a long shot, but he was a difficult child.”</p>
<p>Rey shifts nervously on her seat, not liking hearing the man she knows discussed like this.</p>
<p>“If he and you are connected in the way you’ve described to us here, if he trusts you and you trust him, that will be enough to end this, love or not. I remember him tearing up his room when Leia told him the other half of the dyad didn’t exist,” he continues, his eyes glazed over as he sinks into memories.  “To have found that, after so long? It will put him back on the right path, Rey, I know it.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad someone other than these idiots believe in me,” Rey jokes weakly.</p>
<p>Rose leans over and hugs her tightly, ruffling her hair. “Of course! I know you’ve got this.”</p>
<p>“There’s no word of Kylo having returned, and we’ve certainly not seen the army come back,” Shara says, keeping them focussed. “But I agree that getting into the palace proper and seeing if you can hear anything is a good idea.”</p>
<p>“Mum, what do you think of his warning not to trust Snoke?” Poe asks. He values his mother’s opinion above anything – if she agrees with Kylo about Snoke, then he’ll listen.</p>
<p>“I never liked him,” Shara said firmly, “He always seemed far too invested in that boy. Claimed it was to help him, claimed he understood the magic better but... I don’t know, Poe, he was a royal advisor for years, would Leia and Han not have noticed if anything was going on?”</p>
<p>Rey juts her chin out. “I think Snoke’s hurt him. I don’t think the time I interrupted was the first time, either. Ben told me to stay away from him and he sounded <i>scared</i>. We need to get into the castle undetected.”</p>
<p>Kes glanced at his wife and then looked Rey in the eye. “I can show you the back way in. Han and Leia used if they needed to get away undetected. It’s been a while since I used it myself, but it should still take you into the kitchens. That’s as much as we can do, although I wish we could do more.”</p>
<p>“That’s plenty,” Rose promises, her eyes warm. “Is… is it possible to go tonight? We need to know the situation as soon as possible.”</p>
<p>“I can take you tonight, sure,” Kes smiles.</p>
<p>“Finn and I are going to find the Rebellion contacts,” Poe adds to the girls. “Get word back to Leia. There are a few camps outside the city too, people who refuse to live in the city if Kylo rules over it. They’ll be able to send someone back to Leia.”</p>
<p>Rey nods. “Sounds good. And then… then we have to wait.”</p>
<p>“Well it’ll do you no harm to take a few days to recover, the journey over the mountains isn’t easy,” Shara laughs. “You’ve been through plenty. Taking some time to catch your breath will only help in the long run.”</p>
<p>As loathed as Rey is to admit it, her words make sense. They’re all running low and some recharging would do no harm. But first, they have information to collect.</p>
<hr/>
<p>They eat, Shara and Kes forcing them all to put away far more than they ever thought they could, and the home cooked food is such a welcome change from the dried rations and stale bread they’ve been existing on for so long now. Rey nearly cries with joy when Shara pours extra gravy onto her plate and she has to restrain herself from licking it clean.</p>
<p>Once they’re done, Shara relays instructions to Finn and Poe so they can find the Rebellion contacts while Kes prepares to take the girls up to the walls of the castle. They slip outside in their two groups and hug tightly – the boys might not be in that much danger, but Rose and Rey know that getting caught sneaking into the castle, especially if Snoke is the danger they think he is, wouldn’t end well.</p>
<p>“Stay safe, okay?” Poe says gruffly, his hand on the back of Rey’s neck, warm through her cloak. Finn looks similarly choked up, glancing between Rey and the even shorter Rose.</p>
<p>Rey grins, and taps the knife strapped to her side. “We’ve got this, don’t stress.”</p>
<p>Finn huffs. “We’ll do that whatever happens. But point proved, you can handle this. Come back alive or I’ll kill you.”</p>
<p>Rose giggles and rolls her eyes. “We should go. And you should too. Try not to get into too much trouble, boys.”</p>
<p>Kes chuckles at his son’s mildly offended expression and nods down the street. “We should move, we need to time it right to slip through the guard rotation if our wanted criminal here is to stay undetected.”</p>
<p>Rey and Rose step backwards and smile. Rose waves, and then they go, following Poe’s father down the dark street, their cloaks billowing as they move, obscuring them in the shadows.</p>
<hr/>
<p>It’s not a long walk to the castle walls and once there, Kes ushers them into a dimly lit alleyway, bringing them close to him and passing over the lantern to Rey, knowing she’ll be able to control the flame if needs be.</p>
<p>“This is as far as I can take you,” he says softly. “The guards shouldn’t be along this stretch of wall for the time being. The little gate is hard to see, but you can open it from the bottom and get inside. Follow the right hand wall all the way. It’s tight but if Han could get through, you two will be able to. You’ll come out in the kitchens. That’s as much I can say, you’re on your own after that. To get out, just follow in reverse, but be <i>careful</i>. If Snoke is abusing his powers as you think he is… we can’t get you out if you’re caught.”</p>
<p>Rose takes his hand and squeezes. “Thank you, Kes. We’ll be safe, I promise.”</p>
<p>He presses kisses to their foreheads and pulls their cloaks further forwards, just in case. “No, thank <i>you</i> for what you’re trying to do. We’ll see you back at the house soon.”</p>
<p>They nod and, Rey leading with the lantern, they vanish around the corner to find the secret entrance.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The gate is hard to see, as Kes warned them, but they find it and, cursing every time the old metal makes the slightest sound, they pull it up and duck under, tucking the tails of their cloaks into the tunnel. Rose glances up and down the street quickly, but the guard patrols are too far away either side to notice the two small figures disappearing <i>into</i> the stone, and Rey lowers the grate gently. They’re in.</p>
<p>“Right hand wall,” Rey whispers, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end as she reaches for Rose’s hand in the dark and holds the lamp high as they take their first steps into the gloom and cobwebs.</p>
<p>The darkness seems to cling to them, the chilly air making their breath appear in puffs, lit up like gold as the little fire behind the glass splutters against the cold and damp. Rey fuels is carefully, using as little power as she can – she doesn’t have much and she’d like to keep it for emergencies.</p>
<p>She doesn’t like this tunnel. It reminds her too much of the dungeons of Niima but she shivers and blinks away the memories as they continue down the steep slope, shuffling as quietly as they can. They must be going underneath the ramparts judging by the gradient of the path.</p>
<p>Rose squeaks as something runs past their feet and Rey jumps back defensively but it’s just a rat, more scared of them than they are of it, and it vanishes in front of them.</p>
<p>“I guess that’s a good sign?” Rey whispers, her voice echoing creepily despite her efforts to keep it low. “If there’s rats, there’s food –“</p>
<p>“And if there’s food, there’s a kitchen,” Rose smiles, nodding. “We must be nearly there.”</p>
<p>And they are; it’s not long before the path flattens, the echoes seem to dull and, as they reach a sharp corner, they can see a weak light illuminating the edge of the brick ahead. The girls exchange looks and slow down even further, straining to hear any activity in the kitchens.</p>
<p>It’s late, and there’s none, so they tiptoe around the corner, holding their breath and duck under the low gap into the basement kitchens of Alderaan’s castle.</p>
<p>Rose gasps softly, taking in the high arched brick ceilings, the windows at the top just brushing ground level, the huge beams with meat and herbs strung from the wood, the massive wooden tables with preparations for the morning already laid out. She’s never seen anything so elaborate – and this is just <i>one</i> of the kitchens, there are more connected at each end of this room.</p>
<p>Rey swallows and dumps her cloak next to the passageway so their servant clothes are revealed. She’s acutely aware that if they are seen – if they are not believed – it’s game over.</p>
<p>“If we leave the lantern here, we’ll know where we came out – it just looks like a storage space from here,” Rey whispers and sets the smouldering lantern down on the slab of the stone hearth, cold and empty until the morning.</p>
<p>“Where do we start?” Rose breathes back, running her fingers along one of the tables as she turns on the spot and leaves her cloak with Rey’s.</p>
<p>“Good question,” Rey says, her voice thick with emotion. These kitchens have seen years of Ben, of his parents, of his family. She can feel him, even here, tugging her forwards like a thread tied to her heart.</p>
<p>They need to find how far away he is, how long they need to lie low in the city, but now they’re here, that feels like an impossible task.</p>
<p>“We can find some servants and ask?” Rose suggests, “We might have to make it out sharpish after but it’d be the quickest way to get information. Pretend we’re maids, checking when we need to clean his rooms?”</p>
<p>His <i>rooms</i>. He lives here. Sleeps somewhere in the castle over their heads.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Rey gasps, her head spinning. “Yes, let’s do that.”</p>
<p>“Focus, Rey,” Rose whispers, laying her hand on Rey’s shoulder to ground her. “Focus. Do you think you can find his rooms?”</p>
<p>It sounds ridiculous and Rey wants to laugh and tell Rose there’s no way, she’s not a blood hound, but… something inside her is crooning, soothed by proximity to his magic. An echo of him is calling to her down the quiet corridors, a song only she can hear. She doesn’t know if it’s their magic overlapping for the first time, or just his presence soaked into the walls, but she nods and drifts towards the main doors, wanting to be nearer to it, whatever <i>it</i> is.</p>
<p>If this is how it feels without him even in the castle, she doesn’t know if her legs will hold her when he arrives home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chasing Your Heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: updated tags to accommodate, panic attacks, and (forgive me if there's a better term for this) wishing things had stayed the same even though that normal was very bad for you because change is scary even if it's good change, if that makes any sense. Basically wishing for the reliability and predictability of a familiar bad situation.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She tries to keep her focus on her surroundings, she really does. They’re in a dangerous place with no back up. They have only a few weapons and hastily constructed alibis, she can’t afford to get lost in the magic here and leave Rose alone.</p><p>But as she slips down the corridors, Rose sticking to her faithfully and darting ahead to check the coast is clear when it’s clear that Rey isn’t paying attention, her heart pounds in time with the melody slipping through her veins. It’s a combination of their magic and what she knows of him; the way he says her name, the fear flashing in his eyes that night Snoke hurt him, his fear when he heard she’d been attacked, his large gloved hand cupping her cheek in the cold of Hoth, the way she imagines –</p><p>“Who’s there?”</p><p>Rose stops her with a firm hand across her chest, sucking in a sharp breath.</p><p>Rey jolts back to reality, gasping for air as Rose smacks a hand over Rey’s mouth so she doesn’t cry out.</p><p>“It’s just us,” Rose squeaks, realising that the voice is female and hoping it’s someone who can help them.</p><p>“Just <i>who</i>?” A tall, imposing blonde woman folds her arms across her chest as she looks down her nose at the two girls as she appears around the corner of the hallway. There’s a gleaming sword strapped at her side.</p><p>“We… we work in the castle,” Rose stammers, her throat painfully dry. “We were sent to check on the King’s rooms, we’re to prepare them for when he returns but no one told us when that would be,” she continues, ignoring Rey’s nails digging into her arm with nerves. “So we were sent up now to… to investigate.”</p><p>Rey is so glad Rose is with her – there’s no way she could’ve lied on the spot like that.</p><p>“The King won’t be back for several more days – we’ve only just received his raven, why on earth would you be sent up at this time of night?”</p><p>Okay, so maybe Rose’s lie isn’t <i>that</i> good.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Rey stammers, feeling the blonde’s eyes on her. “We weren’t told why, we were just told to come up and see.”</p><p>“Well go back down there and tell them that Captain Phasma found you, and that if any of the servant come sniffing around here, you’ll answer to <i>me</i>. You understand?” she says firmly. “I promise a night in the cells for the next snivelling maid that tries to sneak around at night.”</p><p>Rose wants to weep – they’re getting away with it. It’s such a tenuous story but the woman seems appeased by their fibs, however tenuous they are.</p><p>“We understand,” she stammers, tugging Rey backwards hastily. They have information, even if it’s the barest bones of what they need, and she plans to get them out of here safely.</p><p>“Now get out of my sight,” Phasma says sharply, turning on her heels and sweeping back down the corridor imperiously.</p><p>Rey and Rose are silent, made mute by fear as they break into a run and scamper back to the kitchens, their nerves giving out. They don’t need anything else from this place and as much as Rey longs to run in the other direction back towards Ben’s rooms, it’s not safe. She has to bide her time for now; three days, that’s all she has to wait. Three days and then she can sneak back in and find him. Nothing will stop her then.</p>
<hr/><p>The Captain stops in the hallway when she finally hears the pattering footsteps of the two servant girls fade to silence. She cocks her head in the empty corridor and frowns. Now she thinks about it, she didn’t recognise either girl from the castle, even if the taller one seemed familiar.</p><p>She turns back in horror and opens her mouth as if to cry out, but it’s too late. They’re long gone. But it’s okay, she consoles herself, she can spin this to Snoke, say it was on purpose.</p><p>Because the brown haired girl clinging to her friend as they stammered through their lies had been Rey. The very girl that Snoke wants.</p><p>Phasma didn’t know <i>much</i> about Snoke’s overall plan, she was only captain of the guard after all, but she did know that this was good; the girl would be back in three days for the king. She was a scrappy thing, no doubt – she was from Jakku, but she would be easy to catch. Three days and then Phasma can find her. She can wait until then.</p>
<hr/><p>They make it back to Poe’s house just as the first rays of dawn spill over the rooftops.</p><p>Finn and Poe are still gone, the horses too, so Shara and Kes bundle the shivering and exhausted girls back inside and warm them up by the fire. Mugs of tea are placed into their hands as they stare at each other and thank whoever is listening above for the narrow escape.</p><p>“That woman…” Rose starts.</p><p>“It’s okay, she didn’t raise the alarm or anything, she can’t have seen through us,” Rey says firmly. The alternative is too worrisome to get into now: she’s drained and her adrenaline is about to vanish, fatigue tugging at the edges of her mind.</p><p>They try and talk to the Damerons about what happened but Shara just wraps another blanket around their shoulders and ushers them upstairs to the little bedroom, both of them too tired and unwilling to really complain. They’ve been sleeping on the ground for months now and the promise of a bed, even one they’re sharing, is too much to resist.</p><p>“Don’t worry, the boys will be back soon and you can talk then, but rest first,” she says firmly, smoothing their hair in a motherly gesture that is so natural to her but so foreign to Rey that her heart aches. “It will all seem clearer after some sleep. We’re in no rush.”</p><p>“Wake us when they’re back?” Rey pleads but her eyes are heavy with sleep and she’s unprotesting as Shara guides her into the bed and adjusts the covers over them both, Rose curling into Rey’s side like she’s done every night since they left the Rebellion.</p><p>“Of course,” Poe’s mother promises but she has no intention of disturbing them until they wake of their own accord. They’ve been on the run for a long time with no break and upon arriving in the city they ate and immediately snuck into the castle on no rest – they’re getting eight hours sleep, and that’s that.</p><p>Rey nods and her eyes slide shut, instantly pulled deep into a dreamless sleep.</p>
<hr/><p>She wakes much later and shifts her sleep-heavy limbs happily in the warm covers, stretching like a cat. Rose is no longer next to her on the low cot, so she rubs her face and sits up. The winter sun isn’t streaming through the east-facing window so it must be closer to noon, the sun just higher than the panes of glass, but it’s a beautiful day and Rey sighs contentedly. It’s not a feeling she’s been able to experience much in her life and she feels a sudden stab of jealousy towards Poe who got to feel like this every day his entire life. She thinks it must be easy to view life the way Poe does when there’s all of this behind you. She smacks her own forehead lightly and the feeling is quickly washed away – she has no reason to be jealous, it’s hardly Poe’s fault – and she turns her head quickly at the sound of laughter from downstairs.</p><p>She’s still in her servant get up from last night so she keeps one of the blankets wrapped around her shoulders as she traipses downstairs, her feet bare on the wooden stairs.</p><p>Poking her head into the kitchen, she’s greeted by the sight of everyone together and eating, the bread fresh and the kettle over the fire whistling merrily.</p><p>“I thought I told you to wake me,” she whines lightly to Shara as she slips in and sits herself down next to Poe, who ruffles her bedhead with a grin as he eats his eggs.</p><p>“You looked so peaceful,” Shara laughs, “And you needed the sleep, don’t tell me you didn’t.”</p><p>Rey does have to concede that she feels <i>so</i> much better so she just grins in response as a chuckling Kes sets a plate of food in front of her.</p><p>“Okay, so, news?” Finn says, leaning in and glancing around at his friends.</p><p>“You guys go first,” Rose suggests, “Let Rey eat while you fill her in.”</p><p>“Sure. We rode out beyond the city, there’s a big farmhouse, an old friend of Han’s lives there, a smuggler, mostly, but he works with the Rebellion. He says he has a trail of people, he’ll get word back to wherever Leia and Han are and let them know that we’re here and that we’re just waiting for Kylo to return,” Poe explains, gesturing as he goes and leaning in, grinning. “Apparently the Rebellion have been on the move though, and, with a lot of grumbling, Han made it through.”</p><p>Rey’s shoulders sag with relief; it’s been a long time since she thought about him, which makes her feel guilty but it’s so good to know he’s alive.</p><p>“They’re into the mountains themselves, based off Lando’s last report,” Poe continues. “Just a week away. They’ll be able to join us soon. Lando expects them to wait just in the mountains until they know what’s happening with you and Kylo.”</p><p>“Ben,” she corrects softly, stirring the milk into her tea. “His name is Ben.”</p><p>Poe rakes a hand through his hair but nods gently. He knows she’s right – they’re long past the point of denial. “Ben it is. Tell us what you found out last night?”</p><p>Rey smiles and launches into an explanation of just what had gone down in the halls of the castle as they all listen intently. Rose helps, but it doesn’t exactly take them long to fill everyone in.</p><p>“So we just have to hang around here until he turns up and then, what, you sneak back in to meet him?” Finn frowns. “That seems…”</p><p>“I know, Finn, I don’t like just sitting and waiting either,” Rey says grimly.</p><p>“We’ve been doing something constantly for months, I for one am going to quite enjoy getting to do absolutely <i>nothing</i>,” Rose beams. “I’m going to feed the horses fresh apples, I’m going to walk through the market, I’m going to sleep in past sunrise!”</p><p>“It’s alright for us, we’re pretty much done,” Poe teases, “It’s Rey who’s got to face her other half and convince him to give up the throne.”</p><p>“And end eternal winter, don’t forget ending eternal winter,” Rey adds dryly.</p><p>Poe snorts. “You’ve got this, I promise. Remember what we said? You were quite literally leaving a trail of green and warmth behind you, sweetheart.”</p><p>She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, I’m still nervous.”</p><p>“You’d be crazy if you weren’t,” Shara points out, helping her husband clear up the dishes, kissing her son on the head as she swings by.</p><p>“Rey, you should get a new dess!” Rose declares suddenly, clapping her hands together. “We still have some money Leia gave us and I think she would approve of using it for this.”</p><p>“On a dress?” Rey says, looking sceptical. She’s never had much time or energy to think about fashion.</p><p>“On a dress for you to wear when you meet her son for the first time,” Rose corrects with a knowing look. “Come on! It’s an excuse for me to fuss over fabrics, and I can teach you how to sew if you like?”</p><p>Rey will always do anything for Rose so she only hesitates a moment longer before nodding. “Sure, whatever.”</p><p>Rose cheers so loudly that the others all laugh out loud and then it’s just a mess of helping the Damerons clear up, getting wrapped up to venture through the Alderaanian markets and checking that they have the gold safe in Rose’s purse. Rey wears her hood up to hide her face – they’ve seen a few wanted posters around – and luckily the weather is crisp enough that it won’t look out of place. The boys are coming too, because they cannot resist the image of Rey dolled up in ridiculous colours as Rose gets overeager, but also because to be able to peacefully wander through town with their friends is a luxury they’ve never had.</p><p>Poe directs them through the streets, chattering and pointing out various landmarks as they pass them by and soon enough they hit the stalls, each one painted brightly and crammed with goods. The wooden stalls are a mixture of fixed little huts and carts pulled in and parked, the vendors hovering nearby calling over each other with prices and descriptions and exaggerated claims.</p><p>There are so many people in a relatively small space and Rey’s skin starts to crawl, unused to this much noise. Poe throws an arm around her shoulders and gives her a quick squeeze, flashing her a grin as he leads them through the crowds to where the fabric stalls are – or were last time he was here.</p><p>“I’m glad this place is still going despite everything,” Poe calls over the chatter. “It’s the best one in the city. Which colours were you thinking, Rosie?”</p><p>Rey is grateful for his warm presence next to her, keeping her grounded. Aldera isn’t like Niima, it isn’t like anything she’s ever experienced. Last night was nearly enough to spook her – the tunnel, Phasma, forcing herself to run away from Ben’s call – and the bustling market, the overload of senses, might be enough to do her in properly.</p><p>“Well it depends,” Rose starts, all the information stored up over years of having an older sister pouring out of her. “I think with her hair and freckles, a warm yellow would look lovely but it’s difficult to find the right sort of colour, and it’s not very <i>royal</i> is it?”</p><p>“I’m not royal,” Rey points out.</p><p>“Ah, no, but you are meeting a king, we want to make a good impression,” Rose grins, her expression mischievous.</p><p>“What about red?” Finn says suddenly. “Like fire, I dunno.”</p><p>Rose stops and squints at Rey, holding her hands up to frame her body, clearly picturing various colours and styles in her head. Rey just watches her, bemused.</p><p>Nodding, she gives Finn an approving look. “Red would work. I like red. Our little fire girl.”</p><p>Rose dives into fabrics at the nearest cart with an enthusiasm that Rey cannot muster. Dresses seem ridiculous to her, honestly: she’s gone from the leggings and tunics of her childhood, to whatever she’d been given in the dungeons under Niima, to leather trousers, loose tops and cloaks with the Rebellion. What use would she have for a dress? It’ll only restrict her movement.</p><p>But, and it’s such a ridiculous thought that it takes her most of the time Rose spends looking for material to even admit it to herself, she quite likes the idea of meeting Ben looking a little more put together than she’s been so far. If a pretty dress is part of that, and if helping her is giving the others so much pleasure, she’s willing to play along.</p><p>“I’d better be able to fight in this dress,” she adds just as Rose begins conversing with Poe about what ‘accent colours’ to go with, whatever that means. Her head seems full of all these terms with no context to go with them. How does anyone learn all of this?</p><p>“I promise, this will be everything you’ve ever dreamed of!” Rose gushes, “Do you think this colour would suit a sweetheart or a square neck more?”</p><p>“Uh, I’m not sure, both sound good?” Rey swallows. She wouldn’t know the difference if you asked her with a sword pointed at her neck. She flashes her friends a little smile, mumbles some excuse about looking for ribbon and then slips away as fast as she can, ducking her head to keep her face in shadow.</p><p>She wanders aimlessly through the stalls, barely seeing any of the things the merchants wave at her and certainly not having the money to purchase them anyway. Rey wishes desperately that she felt ready for what is to come, but she doesn’t and she knows that two days spent making a dress won’t help.</p><p>It’s not that she’s not confident that she can convince Ben – the sheer <i>rightness</i> she feels around him convinces her that he will listen to her – but she isn’t confident what happens <i>next</i>. For the first time in her life, she doesn’t know what’s going to happen to her. Despite everything, there was something to be said for the endless routine of her captivity. She’s sure the others would be horrified, but all this uncertainty and change is harder for her to deal with than that, as awful as it was.</p><p>It’s the trauma, Poe would say firmly, you’ll adjust. Finn would wrap his arms around her and refuse to let go until she laughed. Rose would stick by her side as she had by the pool so many months ago, and let her work through it.</p><p>But how does she work through this? Her friends haven’t noticed yet, because Rey has done a very good job of hiding it, but she is horrifically overwhelmed: family homes, lovingly cooked meals, dress patterns, tender forehead kisses, someone wrapping her scarf around her neck before she leaves; and that’s only half of it – Rey knows next to nothing of relationships.</p><p>Rose, Finn and Poe were, as much as they would protest this, forced to care about her. She serves a purpose to them. Ben is the same – she cares for him so much and has no idea if he cares about her beyond her magic completing his. How on earth is she supposed to navigate all of this when she barely understands her own emotions beyond anger, pain and loss.</p><p>She finds herself at the edge of the crowd and reaches out to lean against the wall of one of the houses that line the square. Sucking in a shaky breath, she squeezes her eyes shut and tries to focus on her breathing, the rising feeling of panic that hasn’t overcome her in a long time making it hard to concentrate.</p><p>Swamped, she forcibly reminds herself that she’s free, that she’s out and far from the clutches of the Emperor. She’s amongst friends, she can run where she likes, do what she wants.</p><p>None of it stops the fear.</p><p>“REY?”</p><p>It’s Finn, calling her name frantically. She wishes she could reply but she barely has enough air to breathe let alone yell.</p><p>“How did we not notice she’d gone?” Rose cries, panicked. “We’re so stupid! We should’ve been more careful!”</p><p>“It’s okay, Rose, she’s probably just spooked,” Poe says quickly and she can hear them over the bustle, moving along the edge. They must be close if she can hear them so clearly. “Mum warned me, but I didn’t think…”</p><p>“There!” Finn says. Then there’s the noise of an irritated shopkeeper being pushed to one side and before she knows it, familiar arms are around her, checking her for injuries and muttering words into her hair as she sinks to the ground.</p><p>She keeps her eyes firmly shut as the finally tears spill over – how many times have they found her like this now? How many more times must she be the weak link, be the one who needs rescuing? <i>Constantly<i> needing rescuing, always stuck in that little room, weak, helpless. </i></i></p><p>“Hey, deep breaths, we’ve got you,” Rose whispers, crouching next to where Rey has curled into Finn’s arms. “You’re safe, Rey. Take your time,” she promises. </p><p>“This is ridiculous,” Rey croaks after a minute of hiccupy crying. “Sobbing over a dress.”</p><p>“This is about the dress?” Rose frowns, smoothing Rey’s ruffled hair.</p><p>“I… I don’t know anything about colours, or necklines, or how to wear one, or what to do, I’m about to meet the king and even if I’ve seen him before, I have <i>no</i> idea how to act or what to say, I’m just <i>Rey</i>. The only thing I know how to do is sit in a cell and rot away, it’s hopeless,” she sobs.</p><p>While they were on the run all of this was repressed – day to day, the only thing that really mattered was survival. Living off rations, riding the horses, it was repetitive enough that all of this was locked away. But now the flood gates are open and every horrible thought she’d ignored is back in full force.</p><p>As she looks up blearily, Poe is running his hand through his hair in distress and Finn seems similarly at a loss, his hand stroking her back gently.</p><p>“My mum used to say something to me and Paige,” Rose says tentatively, crossing her legs as she sits and watches Rey shake. “It’s never hopeless. Hope is like the sun. If you only believe in it when you can see it, you’ll never make it through the night.”</p><p>Rey takes one last shivering sob and falls quiet, listening.</p><p>“Everything that happened to you was… indescribable,” Rose continues, her voice steadier now. “You’re the strongest person I know, Rey. Strong enough for this. We were bad friends. We didn’t think, we didn’t ask, we’re sorry. It is <i>not</i> hopeless. There is always hope and I know you will get through this. It might not be this week, or this year, you might never fully get over it, but it’ll get better becase it always <i>always</i> does.”</p><p>Rey wipes her eyes and sits up slowly, meeting Rose’s soft smile with one of her own. Her heart is still beating erratically but her thoughts are her own again and she directs them away from what has been. It’s in the past now.</p><p>“Do you want to go back to the house?” Finn asks and she nods, pushing her hair off her face and taking a deep breath of cold air. By the looks of the goods under their arms, they’ve finished shopping.</p><p>“Please.”</p><p>Rose stands and holds her hand out to Rey. She takes it gratefully and wraps her arms around the other girl. In half a second, Finn and Poe have piled on too, trapping her in the middle of their warmth, the steadiness of their bodies a bigger comfort than she could have ever known.</p><p>“We’ll take the rest of the day off, okay?” Rose smiles. “I think Shara said something about baking?”</p><p>“Count me out,” Poe interrupts hastily, holding his hands up in surrender, “I burn everything I touch.”</p><p>“No,” Rey says, a ghost of a smile on her lips, “<i>I</i> burn everything I touch.”</p><p>Poe’s bark of laughter is a good reward for the joke and as they set off back towards the Damerons’ little house, the tightness across her chest begins to ease.</p>
<hr/><p>Four hours, three trays of cakes and countless fabric cut outs and swatches later, Rey knows how to mix batter, identify a few dress styles and sew a wobbly line. She’s smiling again, something she’s grateful for, and if Shara and Rose keep teasing her about Ben to get her there, well, she thinks that’s a fair exchange.</p><p>Just as Rose and Shara are discussing the best way to line the dress, Kes bursts in, horribly out of breath and points to the door. All three women quickly scramble to their feet, Rey’s hand flying to the knife at her belt, but Kes just shakes his head frantically.</p><p>“The King – Kylo – his horse has been spotted, just him and another rider, at the gates down the hill. Heading fast through the city. Rey, get to the main street!”</p><p>If she can intercept him now, before Snoke gets between them – her heart thuds painfully and she flies towards the door, bursting into the street. She scrambles for purchase on the cobblestones but there’s no time to hesitate. She’s forgotten her cloak, her scarf, but she doesn’t care. He’s <i>here</i>.</p><p>She can feel him now, away from the house, can feel it tugging and she lets it lead her through the streets to the main road. There seem to be people gathering and she curses, nearly slamming into the back of a family who have left their home to try and catch a glimpse of their king.</p><p>“Move! Move, please, I need to get to-“</p><p>Someone shoves her accidentally and she nearly goes sprawling. She steadies herself and pushes again, hearing people start to mutter and the sound of metallic horseshoes echoing off the road.</p><p>“BEN!” she screams, desperate.</p><p>She can’t see the road over people’s heads and she pushes harder as the hooves clatter just metres away, a strangled cry stuck in her throat. She barges through, hardly caring that people are muttering at her. Rey looks up towards the sound of the horses but – <i>no</i>.</p><p>He’s ridden past with the other man, seemingly hellbent on reaching the castle. His dark hair is whipping in the wind as he rides, his cloak billowing around his broad shoulders. She knows why he’s in such a hurry – he’s racing back to her but she’s <i>here</i>, she’s by the road, out of breath and shivering.</p><p>“BEN! NO, COME BACK!”</p>
<hr/><p>He hears a voice, a girl’s voice calling his name – his real name. He nearly signals to Hux to pull up, but he doesn’t. He’s heard her in his head for days now as they’ve neared Alderaan. It might be the magic, or maybe just wishful thinking, but knowing she’s here in the city, maybe even in the <i>castle</i>, is sending his imagination crazy.</p><p>He does turn, just briefly, in his saddle to look back down the hill. There are people lining the path – more than he’d thought would wait for him, he’s hardly popular – and a woman stands in the middle of the road. She’s lithe and tanned, her hair a mess around her face and beautiful even at a distance.</p><p>Kylo shakes his head quickly. Wishful thinking. He’ll see her soon.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys!</p><p>Just a quick note to say that from tomorrow (hopefully, information is very limited) I'm starting a new job related to the current quarantine situation working from home with potentially unpredictable/long hours. I'm really glad to be able to help out during these weird times but right now I'm not sure how much time I'm going to have, so unless stated otherwise, updates are going to be slower for the last few chapters.</p><p>I'd likely have been doing slower updates anyway just because these chapters are proving tricky and I really really want them to be the best they can be as I close up this half of the story and set up for the second half. Please bear with me and I promise you won't have to wait TOO long! Hit me up at <a href="https://twitter.com/annareginar">@annareginar</a> on twitter for updates etc!! much love to you all x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. The Reason I Was Born</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: descriptions of blood, mild water torture (poured over body to dampen magic)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I need to see him tonight, I need to go now, he told me to wait in the castle and I’m not there. He’ll worry!” Rey explains hastily the moment she’s back at the Dameron’s house.</p>
<p>“Rey, you can’t just go running after him,” Finn starts to protest, rubbing the back of his head uncomfortably. “What about Snoke? Snoke will <i>also</i> be in the castle – and that guard you bumped into before!”</p>
<p>“They were both there last time, it’s no more dangerous this time. None of that matters, Finn. I’ll be careful. But I need to go tonight. Think – by the morning, this could all be over,” she laughs, giddy with excitement and nerves. “I’m not just doing this for me. We can set things right. Properly.”</p>
<p>“I still don’t like it,” Finn mutters. “I know the others agree.”</p>
<p>They’re elsewhere in the house, hurrying to finish her dress and gather her supplies for the ‘just in case’ that no one wants to talk about. The ‘just in case’ of what if Ben rejects her and they have to flee again.</p>
<p>“They do, and I’m grateful that you’re all worried about me,” she says softly, “I don’t deserve you all. But I have to try.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know,” Finn sighs, shaking his head, clasping her upper arms and locking his gaze with hers. “Stay safe, Rey.”</p>
<p>“You too,” she smiles. “But look at you! Heading out to meet the Rebellion! Jakku wouldn’t know what to do with us if we returned.”</p>
<p>Finn has to laugh at that. If you’d asked him a year ago where he’d be right now it wouldn’t be in Alderaan attempting to overthrow the king and riding to meet royalty. “True. We’ve come a long way. I’m proud of us.”</p>
<p>Rose knocks on the door softly and slips in with Rey’s red dress and a bag of food, matches and kindling for an emergency fire and the location of the Rebellion’s planned rendezvous written on a tiny scrap of paper.</p>
<p>“I’ll help you dress, if you want?” Rose offers, her eyes bright.</p>
<p>Rey nods, Finn hugs her swiftly and then vanishes to find Poe and prepare for their own job tonight.</p>
<p>The dress is soft and lovingly made. The red seems to glow in the light of the torches on the walls and Rey holds her breath as Rose makes adjustments and moves behind her to lace it up. It’s the most beautiful thing Rey has ever seen and she can’t believe that it’s for her.</p>
<p>“Not too tight-“</p>
<p>“You need to be able to fight, I’m on it,” Rose grins, deftly securing the ribbons but leaving Rey plenty of space to move. Rose really really hopes it’s unnecessary. “</p>
<p>Simultaneously, Rey feels foreign in her own body and completely herself as she glances down at her body, smoothing the silky fabric with long fingers, tracing the seams gently. Even though she’s never worn a dress, she holds herself differently now. She feels taller, more confident. Like she can actually pull this off.</p>
<p>“Listen, Rose, I know this probably seems dramatic,” Rey says as she turns back around, the material fluttering softly as she spins, “But if anything happens, if this doesn’t go as smoothly as we hope it will, thank you. Thank you for everything. For being my friend, for helping me, for teaching me to ride, for showing me how to keep going.”</p>
<p>Rose’s deep brown eyes are shiny with tears but she shakes her head firmly, her hair bouncing, and tugs Rey into a bone-breakingly tight hug, burying her face into Rey’s shoulder. “There’s nothing to thank me for. That’s what friends <i>do</i>.”</p>
<p>Rey laughs. “Still. You – and Finn and Poe – you mean the <i>world</i> to me. More than anything else.”</p>
<p>Her friend smirks slightly as she pulls away. “More than Ben?”</p>
<p>Snorting, Rey shrugs even as her tanned cheeks flush tellingly. Rose doesn’t miss it – she misses nothing – and her smirk widens. “Ben is... a stranger to me. Of course my friends mean more than him, magic or no magic.”</p>
<p>“Good to hear. You’d better not forget us when you’re married to a prince or whatever it is you two end up doing,” Rose grins, waggling her eyebrows. She uses prince and not <i>king</i>. She has every faith that Rey will succeed.</p>
<p>Rey just rolls her eyes in response. “Oh of course, that’s what’s going to happen tonight.”</p>
<p>“You never <i>know</i>!” Rose declares, “Be prepared!”</p>
<p>“Alright, if you say so,” Rey sniggers as she packs the rest of her things into the satchel, throws her cloak around her shoulders, secures it and slings the bag over her head. “Right. I think I’m ready.”</p>
<p>Rose briefly frowns and darts forwards, pulling Rey’s hair out of her usual buns, letting the waves tumble down around her shoulders. “There,” she says happily. “<i>Now</i> you’re ready.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Rose,” Rey says gently, a secret smile on her lips as Rose grabs the door and ushers her downstairs.</p>
<p>Finn, Poe, and Poe’s parents are waiting at the bottom of the stairs and Rey laughs loudly. It feels fantastical, like she’s a princess descending a sweeping staircase to greet her subjects, when in reality it’s just her walking down the Dameron’s charmingly uneven stairs. She says nothing though, not wanting to ruin the moment; they all want to see her off and there’s the unspokenknowledge that by the next evening, everything will either have gone wonderfully right or horrifically wrong. Their expressions range from tight concern to suppressed excitement – everything she’s feeling herself laid out in front of her like a mirror.</p>
<p>Finn and Poe immediately tug her and Rose into an embrace. Rey relaxes against them, grinning into the fabric of Poe’s shirt. There was a time she wouldn’t have wanted anyone touching her; she’s learned so much since then, and here in the circle of her friends’ arms she feels safe and loved.</p>
<p>“You’d better come back in one piece, Rey,” Poe mutters.</p>
<p>“Says you – riding out to meet the others!” Rey scoffs. “You’re far more reckless than I am!”</p>
<p>“Ah, but I have Finn to keep me in check,” Poe winks, inspecting her quickly and taking in the dress and the healthy blush on her cheeks. “You look good, kid. Go get him.”</p>
<p>Rey snorts and rolls her eyes as she turns to Shara and Kes. His arm is around his wife’s shoulders and both their faces are plastered with smiles.</p>
<p>“Thank you for having us, and helping us,” Rey says sincerely as Shara takes her hands in hers and squeezes, kissing her cheeks. “Hopefully it won’t be long before we’re all back.”</p>
<p>“Hopefully,” Kes chuckles. “I wish you all the best. We know you can do it – all of you.”</p>
<p>Rose blushes and Finn does too. Rey meets their warm gazes and nods once.</p>
<p>“We should go,” Poe says, his voice pained. He’s only just come back home after so long and now he has to leave again. It shouldn’t take long, the Rebellion are close, but riding away from the place he’s only just returned to, leaving Rey’s fate in Ben’s hands, leaving his parents in the city, is more painful than he’d imagined. Poe knows his parents would come with them if they could, but they’re needed in Aldera in case everything else goes wrong: Rey may need to flee the castle, the others may need to run back and hide if the Rebellion are found. So many parts of the plan could fall through. He tries not to dwell on it.</p>
<p>“We’ll be waiting,” Shara says firmly. Poe kisses his mother’s cheeks and steps towards the door, his own bag of supplies on his back.</p>
<p>Rey slips out into the street ahead of them all, not wanting to prolong her departure any more in case she breaks down and can’t leave: she’s not used to goodbyes. She takes one last look back into the house, the golden light of the lamps, Shara and Kes’ loving expressions – one last look at her friends, mounting their horses and preparing to leave the city again – before she waves softly and slips down the alleyway back towards the tunnel entrance, her hand resting on the knife at her hip.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Needing to focus on her own mission now, Rey puts all thoughts of her friends out of her mind and makes her way silently through the streets of Aldera. It’s late afternoon, the setting sun casting coppery beams of light over the rooftops and illuminating the cobbles. Early spring is never very suny, and Alderaan is always cold, but the burnt glow of the evening keeps her blood pumping. Magic stirs around her as she lifts the hatch and slips inside, easily avoiding the guards. Part of her worries that it shouldn’t be this easy to get into the castle, but she decides she’s had more than her fair share of bad luck already in her life. She is owed this much, at least.</p>
<p>She has no torch this time since she already knows the way, so Rey keeps her hand on the rough tunnel wall and strikes out into the darkness, letting her memory and the tugging in her heart guide her forwards. The mice and rats scurry around her but this time she isn’t startled. She’s single minded in her movements and soon enough the warm glow of the kitchen lights up the passageway ahead.</p>
<p>As she approaches, Rey holds her breath, hearing chatter in the large room. A strange girl popping out of a hidden entrance would hardly be conducive to stealth so, as much as she wants to reach Ben as fast as she can, she forces herself to wait patiently.</p>
<p>“Take these things up to the king. He’s tired, but this is all we’ve got now the fires are out. Apologise, won’t you? It’s hardly a suitable welcome feast and he’s been riding hard.”</p>
<p>“He looked so different, don’t you think? I wonder what happened! He goes away for so long and then comes back in a rush without the army?”</p>
<p>“Hush, Jannah, it’s not our place to gossip about him, regardless of our feelings,” the other woman tuts and the maid, Jannah, snorts.</p>
<p>“Alright, alright, I’m on my way.”</p>
<p>There’s the sound of a tray scraping across a wooden table and then both sets of footsteps fade away. Rey lets out the breath she’s been holding and wriggles out of the tunnel, dusting off her cloak as she looks around the deserted kitchens. If she can find that maid, Jannah, and follow her up this will be considerably easier.</p>
<p>She’s not dressed like a servant at all, but Rey grabs a pitcher and scrambles towards the doors. If she’s caught, she can say Jannah forgot the water jug. It’s a better excuse than they had last time, that’s for sure.</p>
<p>The dark-skinned girl flits around the corner up ahead so Rey pads after her, feeling the tug of magic once more. It floods her veins, running from her fingers through her entire body and making her head spin with overwhelming longing. Ben is in the castle, and the erratic pulse in her fingertips and her heart, tells her that her body knows it too.</p>
<p>It’s heady, magnetic, melodic. Stronger – so much stronger – than before. He is <i>so</i> close. So close and yet so far still, she reminds herself, trying not to get hypnotised. Nothing is guaranteed; Ben hasn’t stepped down and rescinded the throne, he is not hers yet and there is work to do.</p>
<p>She speeds up, eager not to fall behind Jannah and desperate to finally see him. Her footsteps are silent on the flagstones in her soft red slippers, her cloak flowing out behind her. She is carried on a tidal wave of magic, trailing behind the maid up sweeping staircases and along corridors. She’s beyond where her and Rose were stopped last time with no resistance from the notably absent guards. The castle is now unfamiliar to her, each great hallway decorated with paintings of dazzling landscapes, portraits of beautiful women and silken tapestries.</p>
<p>And then, as Rey rounds the corner, she notices that Jannah has stopped. Outside a large, dark oak door. The wood is inlaid with gold proudly displaying the looping Alderaanian symbol and the smooth handles match, polished and gleaming. There is no doubting that they’ve arrived.</p>
<p>Rey cannot breathe. Her heart is in her throat, her hands shaking. He is somewhere behind that door. She’s stood, frozen in the middle of the corridor, unable to hide, or act like she belongs here, or even speak. The magic has her trapped as it whirls in her head, the music of it thrumming through her body.</p>
<p>Which is why, as she stares at Jannah, at Jannah opening the door and moving inside Ben’s rooms, she doesn’t notice the hand clamping over her mouth until it’s way too late and her vision has gone dark.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“This is the girl? <i>This</i> skinny thing is what threatens to topple everything you’ve been working towards for so long?” Phasma scoffs.</p>
<p>Snoke sighs, watching Rey from the door of the dingy cell, his hands clasped behind his back, his gold robes immaculate. “It would seem so.”</p>
<p>Captain Phasma looks mildly disgusted. “Incredible.”</p>
<p>“I agree with you, Captain. But never mind, for we’ve dealt with it now and in the morning Kylo will make his choice. Did he notice the commotion?”</p>
<p>“No, he was asleep already. He’s none the wiser.”</p>
<p>“And Hux? Is he unaware?”</p>
<p>Phasma’s lip curls at the mention of the man. “<i>Blissfully</i>.”</p>
<p>“Perfect. Well done,” Snoke says, his beady eyes glinting. “It’s all coming together. By the morning he will truly be broken. And then I can finish what I started all those years ago.”</p>
<p>Phasma takes another look at the girl unconscious on the floor of the cell, her red dress dirty, the same colour as the dried blood matted into her hair. “Poor little fire girl.”</p>
<p>Snoke doesn’t reply – his sinister chuckles echo around the dungeon as he turns sharply on his heels. He has the finishing touches to prepare before dawn.</p>
<hr/>
<p>When she opens her eyes she is in an unfamiliar room and the back of her head is pulsing in agony. The light filtering through the windows suggests that it’s just before dawn. She’s been unconscious all night and the thought makes her sick. What happened? What has she missed? Her hands are behind her back and shackled like they used to be in Jakku. Instantly, she cannot breathe, cannot think. She yanks desperately but only hurts her wrists, the cool iron encircling her hands and weighing her down, rendering her largely helpless: her magic isn’t <i>only</i> channelled through her hands but it’s still so far from summer, her powers are next to nothing and she’s <i>scared</i>.</p>
<p>“Ah, good, the girl is awake,” a reedy voice says from in front of her and Rey stops tugging at her chains to look up.</p>
<p>She doesn’t need to be introduced to know who this man is. “Snoke,” she hisses, glancing around the room desperately for Ben, for an escape.</p>
<p>“Ah, so he did tell you about me! I wasn’t sure what my boy might’ve said, but I’m glad I don’t have to waste any time. I am Snoke, you are Rey of Jakku. The little fire girl the Emperor is so interested in. What did you do to get thrown in a cell in Jakku, I wonder?” he ponders out loud and Rey doesn’t bother with words, just grits her teeth and hisses.</p>
<p>“Goodness, you really are <i>feral</i>, aren’t you? Behave, child, or I can have someone cover you in icy water. I imagine that doesn’t do you any favours?”</p>
<p>Rey is ashamed at the fear that wells up in her at the mention of the old torture. It’s instinctive, animalistic – she won’t let it happen again, she can’t go back to that place. Focus, Rey, a voice warns her, piercing through the fear.</p>
<p>“It <i>was</i> you who sent those men, wasn’t it? In the mountains, the assassins.”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Snoke shrugs, sitting on the throne casually like taking Ben’s place is nothing to him. The image is wrong, twisted, sick. Ben belongs there, Leia and Han belong there. Snoke doesn’t care about the people beneath him when he sits on the throne of Alderaan, only the power it gives him. Even Ben, lost inside Kylo, cared about the innocent.</p>
<p>“And it was you who hurt him too, I know it was!” Rey shouts, vibrating with anger.</p>
<p>“Stupid girl, it’s instructional. I only want what’s best for him, just as you do. We just have... different ideas about what that means.”</p>
<p>Rey growls as the emaciated man stands again and makes his way over to her. She’s glad he’s left Ben’s throne but the imminent threat of him touching her might be worse. She pulls back as far as she can move but she’s on the floor, her cloak is gone and she’s chained – there’s only so much she can do to stop him. Rey hasn’t felt helpless like this in a long time now and it makes it hard to swallow.</p>
<p>His long fingers trace her sharp jaw and she tries not to flinch.</p>
<p>“You’re a pretty enough thing, I suppose. I understand why he felt so conflicted.”</p>
<p>Inside, she is spiralling: how does Snoke know all of this? Has Ben never really been on her side? No, impossible. In which case, Snoke forced Ben to confide in him – that feels worse.</p>
<p>“Do you want to see him, little one?” Snoke croons, dropping his hand and straightening up. “I summoned him just a few minutes ago. I’m glad you’re awake. I’m very sorry about the bump to the head, I didn’t know if you’d come quietly, you understand.”</p>
<p>Now he’s mentioned it, her skull is throbbing rhythmically again. She shudders, feeling dirty and bruised and cornered.</p>
<p>“Sir, the King is nearly here!” a knight calls from the door as he hurries over towards the pair.</p>
<p>Snoke turns back to look at Rey and smiles, keeping his eyes trained on her as he opens his mouth. “Douse her.”</p>
<p>She begins to cry out, panicked, but she’s drowned out by the icy water dumped over her head before she can even take a breath.</p>
<p>What little air she has in her lungs is forcefully expelled with the shock of the freezing cold and she instinctively curls into herself, curving her spine as she feels the water gush down her neck, soaking her to the bone. Her teeth chatter, her pupils dilate and the rushing of the water rings in her ears long after the bucket is empty. The red dress is drenched to dark maroon, clinging to her ribs and the vertebrae of her back. The cold sends a lance of pain through her skull from the cut at the back as her hair hangs in ragged strands around her face.</p>
<p>She wants to scream but she clamps down hard on her own tongue, drawing blood but muffling the sound with her face pressed to the floor. Her sob echoes for half a second before she chokes and falls silent, shivering, the fight knocked out of her.</p>
<p>Time slows down.</p>
<p>Rey can feel the rumble of the great doors opening behind her as she rests her forehead on the cool stones, trying to control her emotions before they all fall away and are replaced by nothingness. Her body is numb with cold. There is no fire left in her.</p>
<p>“You summoned me?”</p>
<p><i>Ben</i>. Something deep in her chest flickers.</p>
<p>“I did,” Snoke answers.</p>
<p>Rey hears the man walk past her like she’s nothing, over to where Ben must be. She is too tired to lift herself and look. She doesn’t want Ben to see her like this. She was supposed to look beautiful. She was supposed to have her dress, her spark, her hopes yet it all went wrong so fast.</p>
<p>“This is your final test, Kylo,” he continues. His voice is smooth and sinister, a chilling mixture of loving and ruthless, affection underpinned by emotionless steel. Rey can almost see how Ben fell for it: inside her is a lonely place no one has ever filled; if Snoke had found her aged ten and ‘saved’ her, she doesn’t think she’d be so different to Ben now. “I found a girl. She had broken into the castle, she was armed. She was here to kill you.”</p>
<p>She can <i>feel</i> his eyes on her and she lets out a strangled cry. Fuelled by her indignance, she hauls her frozen body off the floor and sits up on her bruised knees. A <i>lie</i>, Snoke is lying. Out of all the ways he could’ve span this, this is the most petty. If Ben is as under his thumb as Snoke claims, why does he need to paint her as a criminal?</p>
<p>“I see.” Ben’s voice is emotionless. This is not the immediate rescue she’s imagined and for the first time, the insidious feeling of <i>defeat</i> seeps through her. No. <i>No</i>. She’s not done yet. “What would you have me do?”</p>
<p>Snoke shrugs lightly and paces back in front of Rey. His voice is mildly surprised, another façade. “The punishment for that is death.”</p>
<p>“Tell him who I am really,” Rey spits, looking up at Snoke, eyes burning. “TELL HIM.” She hopes he’s scared – he hoped the water would rid of her will to fight but Rey has spent every day of her life fighting and she’s not done just yet. She will go out fighting tooth and nail if she has to. “I’m not just <i>a</i> girl. I’m <i>the</i> girl. You know it. Don’t lie.”</p>
<p>Heavy footsteps pace closer to her and then – there he is, in front of her, crouching down to her level, it’s <i>him</i>. “Rey?”</p>
<p>She shudders with longing. “Ben,” she whispers, her teeth chattering so hard she can hardly form his name with her blue lips.</p>
<p>“It might be her, but her purpose was still the same. She was here to murder you. No doubt sent by your nefarious mother. When will she learn to let go?”</p>
<p>“LIAR!” Rey screams. The look in Ben’s eyes pains her – she can tell he doesn’t believe her. “Ben, I wasn’t, I wouldn’t,” Rey whispers.</p>
<p>“Listen to me, Kylo, nothing about her appearance now makes sense, you’re a clever boy. The other end of your bond is silent for your entire life and <i>just</i> when you have plans to solidify your rule and extend your power, <i>she appears</i>? Allied with your mother? Why not before, why not spare you the heartbreak?” Snoke says, standing at Ben’s side, just behind him, both men staring down at her. She hasn’t felt so small in a long time.</p>
<p>“Ben, no, I couldn’t before, I found you as soon as I could,” she tries, another spate of shivers forcing her to curl into a ball again. She can sense the next bucket waiting by the wall, cruelly cold at the edge of her consciousness.</p>
<p>“Lies, how many more lies will she spout?” Snoke hisses, turning her own accusations on her. “Think about it, Kylo, she’s been by your mother’s side for goodness knows how long. Trained in what to say, what to do, how to undermine you. She will kill you and allow you mother to take back what’s rightfully <i>yours</i>.”</p>
<p>“Why is she shivering?” Ben asks, his voice low and smooth. He’s not taken his eyes off her, not even to look at Snoke.</p>
<p>“Precautions – who knows what damage she could wreak with her magic?” Snoke soothes him.</p>
<p>“It’s only just past solstice, she wouldn’t have been dangerous,” Ben continues.</p>
<p>“Not to you,” Rey croaks, “Never dangerous to you.”</p>
<p>Snoke looks distinctly unimpressed with the way this is going and he rests one thin hand on Ben’s muscled shoulder. “Kylo, listen to me. I know you want her – it’s only natural to want the girl who holds the other half of your magic. But she’s dangerous, it’s a trick. She will destroy you.”</p>
<p>Ben’s eyes remained fixed on Rey and she tries to draw strength from him. The magic, unbeknownst to Snoke, is still soaring around her, even while cold and scared. As she continues to stare at him, it’s like she can feel him at the other end of the bond – <i>he’s so close</i>, it takes her breath away. She can feel the waves of yearning rolling off her, crashing over him like water at a cliff that will not erode. It’s not enough. <i>She</i> isn’t enough.</p>
<p>“You could never love her – you destroy everything you touch,” Snoke continues, his voice growing harsher, the words spat like ammunition. Ben has no defences against the insecurities that echo inside his head. “Your parents didn’t love you and you think this scavenger girl will? End her and rule the way you’ve always wanted. No distractions, no more heartache. No more.”</p>
<p>Rey is sick to her stomach. It was one thing seeing the effects of Snoke’s control through the dyad. It is entirely another to hear the hateful spew of words in person. Straightening up as much as she can, she glares murderously at the gaunt man beside Ben and lunges forwards, tugging at her chains once more, arching towards them. “<i>LIAR!</i>”</p>
<p>“Ah, she speaks,” Snoke laughs, his grip tightening on Ben’s shoulder. “I’m no liar, little one. Kylo knows I’ve never lied to him.”</p>
<p>“<i>His name is Ben.</i>” She focuses on him, imploring him with wide eyes. “Your parents love you,” Rey chokes. “When I was with them, you were all they could talk about. I promised to bring you home and Leia <i>cried</i>. They regret it, they regret everything. They know they weren’t good to you. All they want is to make it right. And I came to you as soon as I could, Ben, I want you.”</p>
<p>“More untruths,” Snoke hisses, tugging Kylo backwards with him and then retreating a few steps further alone. “See how they roll off her tongue?”</p>
<p>Ben is an unmoving figure between them, his fists clenched at his sides. His body is turned towards Snoke but his eyes remain locked on Rey. He’s dizzy; the magic in the room is intoxicating, like nothing he’s ever felt before. But Snoke is right. Why had she not come sooner? Why did everyone lie about her existence? Why <i>is</i> she here, is it all a set up?</p>
<p>“Ben,” she whispers just like she did on Winter Solstice when he gave her the flower. It feels so long ago now.</p>
<p>“Kylo, I’m growing impatient. We have things to do. Kill the would-be assassin and let’s move on. Your new empire needs work,” Snoke snaps.</p>
<p>“Don’t do this, Ben, don’t go this way,” Rey begs, still shivering in the chains. Tears cloud her vision and roll down her cheeks. He knows her hands are covered. She’s helpless before him. Ben, Kylo, Ben again, the names blur in front of his eyes.</p>
<p>“Do it, Kylo. You have never failed me before. You know what you have to do. I can <i>feel</i> your resolve. She is nothing more than a distraction. She would never make you happy. <i>Kill her now</i>.”</p>
<p>Rey watches Ben take a painful, shuddering breath, his dark blue cape rippling with the motion. His face is pale, the bags under his eyes in stark contrast. His hair is dishevelled. She remembers how determined he looked as he rode through the city just hours before. Where has that man gone now? He is split in two in front of her.</p>
<p>“Ben,” she tries again, her sob catching in her raw throat, “<i>Please</i>.”</p>
<p>He raises his hand slowly, the magic pulling and twisting in the air, forming a glowing sphere of icy blue in his hand. It’s control the likes of which she’s never seen from him before. She’s sure he can feel her heart beating in time with his, thudding desperately in her chest, caged by her ribs when all it wants to do is join him.</p>
<p>Her skin is warming again in response to his power, the cold no longer cutting her to the core. She risks a flicker of a glance up from the floor to him again, seeing the conflict in his eyes.</p>
<p>“That’s it. Look at her, pathetic child. She thinks she can beat me, but I cannot be beaten. I see your intent, Kylo. This is your final test. The final hurdle. Become who you need to be.”</p>
<p>Rey refuses to look down even as the adrenaline warns her to try to run, her muscles tensing. She wants him to be the last thing she sees. She doesn’t blame him – Snoke’s claws are in deep – and she would do this a thousand times over if just one time she could save him. Rey regrets nothing.</p>
<p>She takes a deep breath and smiles softly at him, straightening up to make this easier for them both.</p>
<p>An icicle forms in his hand, glittering and dangerous. He lets go.</p>
<p>Time slows down infinitely before rushing forwards all at once. There’s a split second of silence. Rey empties her lungs. Her breath steams in the frigid air of the throne room. The soft sound of it is all she hears as her eyes lock with Ben’s. She looks down and sees... nothing.</p>
<p>Ben steps closer, moving to reveal Snoke’s skeletal body slumped on the floor, the ice piercing his chest right through his heart. There is no blood. Rey cannot speak, cannot think or form words. Does he know what he’s done? His face betrays no emotion.</p>
<p>Letting out a small choking sound, she slumps forwards in shock and Ben closes the gap between them in a few short strides, his large arms encircling her before she can hit the floor. The spell of the moment before is broken and all five senses, along with the satisfied keening of the bond, flood through her body as he holds her.</p>
<p>“Rey, <i>Rey</i>,” he breathes, pushing her damp hair off her face, running his hands down the fabric on her arms desperately. He cannot decide which part of her to touch first as she leans into his embrace, her expression clearing like clouds rolling back to reveal the sun, her face splitting into a beaming grin. She is safe. Ben is here. Snoke is <i>gone</i>. “Are you hurt? Did he hurt you?”</p>
<p>“No, no, I’m just cold,” she says with a breathless laugh because the man holding her his cold <i>personified</i>. “My hands, can you free them?”</p>
<p>Ben nods briefly nd reluctantly shifts away from her, freezing the locks to such an incredibly low temperature that Rey hisses despite herself. “Push now,” he instructs and she does, hearing the metal fracture and drop to the floor with a thud, the chains unable to withstand the cold. Her hands are blue as she brings them from behind her back and turns them over, staring in relief – never again will she be chained.</p>
<p>He stands shakily and holds his hand out to her. The rest of the room seems out of focus, irrelevant, inconsequential. Never mind the knights outside the doors. Never mind that everything has changed. It’s just the two of them in the whole world.</p>
<p>Rey reaches out and lays her hand in his. His large fingers close around her much smaller ones and she sucks in sharply through her nose. It’s the first time they have touched skin to skin and every fibre of her being knows it. All at once, the bond that has crossed the leagues between them collapses back down to where their hands join and <i>explodes</i> back out again in a burst of energy bigger than both of their lifeforces, bigger than anything she even knew possible. It’s a supernova, the death of a star and the beginning of new life. There’s a ringing in her ears, the same echoing music she’s heard ever since arriving at the castle and, most of all, there is Ben.</p>
<p>As the magic of the dyad storms around them, ripping at the fabric of his cloak and her damp skirts, Rey steps closer, dropping his hand and closing the final gap between them until her chest is pressed up against his broad one. There is no hesitation and no doubt: he leans down, tenderly cups her cheeks like she’s the most precious thing in the universe and presses his lips to hers fiercely.</p>
<p>She melts and the cold she’s felt around him until now soaks into the flagstones, banished by the joining of the magic. Their opposing powers collide in perfect harmony now they are finally - <i>finally</i> - together. She feels the embers flaring in her blood. Her temperature soars. A warmth blossoms in her chest and she doesn’t know if it’s the kiss or her magic or his presence. She doesn’t care. This is all she’s wanted. She is here, in his arms, safe.</p>
<p>“Rey, Rey,” he croaks. He cannot stop saying her name between kisses and his arms move from her waist to cup the back of her head, tangling his fingers into her soaked, knotted hair. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I should’ve-“</p>
<p>“No,” she says firmly, shaking her head as she gazes up at him in awe. His eyes are full of tears and she stands on her tiptoes to kiss them away as they trickle down his cheeks. She can see the razor thin line of the scar across his face, the scar she gave him. “Don’t apologise. You came back for me, that’s all that matters. It’s all that’s ever mattered.”</p>
<p>“You’re soaked,” he continues, trying a different tactic. “Let me get you dry, I can find clean clothes.”</p>
<p>She grins up at him, her nose wrinkling slightly. “I can dry myself, remember?”</p>
<p>Ben laughs quietly, his voice hoarse and low. “I have no doubt that you can, but it can’t be as satisfying as a bath.”</p>
<p>His grin is slightly crooked, his dimples poking out on each cheek. She kisses him again hungrily and his arms tighten around her.</p>
<p>“I think you’re right,” she breathes. “A bath sounds wonderful.”</p>
<p>She’s not expecting it when Ben picks her up easily, heading for the doors. Normally she’d be annoyed at being carried – when Poe does it, it’s irritating – but now she’s grateful she doesn’t have to let him go for even a second. As they head upstairs, she makes the promise to herself that she is <i>never</i> never letting him go.</p>
<hr/>
<p>As the sun breaks over the hills to the east, Rose turns down the slope to look back at Aldera City, sparkling in the frosty winter morning. The soft pink light sets the city aglow and Rose smiles, glancing behind at where Finn and Poe are waiting at the tree line.</p>
<p>“It’s a beautiful place,” she calls to Poe who grins, but his eyes are sad. It’s clear he’s thinking of Rey and his parents.</p>
<p>“It is, he agrees, slipping over to join her. They have time to spare, there’s no rush to get to the rendezvous when they don’t even know when the Rebellion will arrive exactly. He’s allowed to see a sunrise.</p>
<p>The pair are silent for a moment longer, watching the sun creep above the horizon, unfurling its tentative warmth over the countryside. The frozen lakes are covered in eddys and swirls of ice, the distant lands beyond arctic and dormant despite the morning rays.</p>
<p>“What <i>is</i> that?” Rose frowns, her hand flying up to act a visor as she stares into the blinding light.</p>
<p>Finn scrambles over to their spot, all three of them staring at the distant castle.</p>
<p>The snow on the roof is... gone, the beautiful blue tiles of the castle rooftops revealed for the first time in years. The castle is small to them now, but still large enough to see that the frost around it has melted, the parapets clear and the icicles nowhere to be seen.</p>
<p>Rose gasps, her hands flying to her mouth as her eyes prickle with hot tears. “You know what this means?” she whispers, leaning into Finn’s chest.</p>
<p>Poe nods and slings his arms around their shoulders, smiling softly as he gazes back down at his home, slowly gently, thawing as it should have years ago.</p>
<p>“She did it.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OKay so this was supposed to go up tomorrow night but I remembered which chapter this was and got WAY too excited so!!! 24 hours EARLY!!<br/>I think it's a good time to just remind people that this will be a Reylo happy ever after, but that if you ever need anything tagging, whether it's come up already or you want to make sure for future chapters, please just let me know xx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. If I Follow You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s quite a distance back up to Ben’s rooms but he doesn’t seem to mind her weight at all and Rey settles into his arms tiredly, one arm looped around his neck playing with the hair at the nape and the other clasped over his hand at her waist.</p>
<p>As they arrive at the ornate doors she remembers from last night, a sharply dressed ginger haired man snaps to attention, his focus immediately on Ben – and Rey in his arms. After half a second he lets out a choking sound, his eyes bulging.</p>
<p>“Is that –“</p>
<p>“Yes, General Hux,” Ben all but growls, tightening his grip on Rey. “Snoke found her. Tried to use her against me.”</p>
<p>Hux pales further, even against his usual complexion. “How did that work out for him?” he inquires nervously.</p>
<p>“He’s dead,” Rey says with more confidence than she feels – she can still remember the hesitation in Ben’s expression as Snoke had spoken. “Ben killed him.”</p>
<p>Hux swallows and something flickers across his expression. She realises it’s relief. “Ah. Well, I can’t say he didn’t deserve it.”</p>
<p>Ben sets Rey down gently and presses a kiss to the top of her head. Next to him, the height difference is even more noticeable and she leans her head against his arm.</p>
<p>“He can’t have done this himself,” Ben continues, raking a hand through his hair. “Organise a team, work out who helped him. Get them <i>out</i> of the castle if they value their lives. No one is to disturb us unless I send for a healer. I need to know how she was taken and locked up all night without <i>either</i> of us noticing.”</p>
<p>“Understood, Your Majesty,” Hux nods. “May I ask what the lady’s name is?”</p>
<p>“Rey,” Rey says with a quick smile. Ben doesn’t seem <i>too</i> pissed off at Hux’s interest in her – he’s a friend, clearly. “Just Rey.”</p>
<p>“It’s an honour to meet you,” he says sincerely, giving her a shallow bow before smiling tightly and hurrying down the corridor to carry out his orders.</p>
<p>Rey squeezes Ben’s hand and glances up at him. He’s staring at her in awe and it's a look she could get used to. “How about that bath, huh?”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Ben stokes the great fire in the hearth himself, refusing to let anyone else into the room with her just yet. Rey wanders through the rooms – his bedroom, the various receiving rooms, his wardrobe (mostly black, unsurprisingly) – and finally discovers the large glass doors out onto the balcony. She starts to peer out, curious about the view as she sees the mountains she came from on the horizon.</p>
<p>“Water is ready,” Ben calls and she drags her attention away from the windows back to him and the gently steaming copper tub he’d dragged through for her. “It’s not too hot is it?”</p>
<p>Rey tries and fails to hide her smile. “Can anything be too cold for you? Too <i>hot</i>, really?”</p>
<p>Ben grins back sheepishly and gestures to the tub by the fire.</p>
<p>She’d been in such a rush to get out of the ruined dress that she hadn’t stopped to think about any of the consequences – she’s not a shy person, but neither does she want to just strip down and hop in. Ben seems to notice her issue because the tips of his ears go red, dusting his pale skin with a rosy glow.</p>
<p>“T-there’s a screen I can pull through, if you want – or, or I can go into the next room? I need to go and hunt down some other clothes for you, anyway, I can-“</p>
<p>“You’d do that for me?” she asks softly. It’s not that she expected him to be rude, but all this attention is making her head spin. Calling a healer, the hot bath, new clothes.</p>
<p>He closes the distance between them in a few strides and rests his palm on her cheek. “Of course. If you want that one cleaned and mended, I’ll do that too. But it’ll need to dry and as lovely as I’m sure you are, I think clothes are probably a good idea,” he explains, a beautiful, shy grin lighting up his face.</p>
<p>Rey’s face, on the other hand, is bright red. “Thank you.” For the compliment and the clothes - she cherishes them both.</p>
<p>“There’s a soap and a cloth on the edge, I put a towel down too. I’ll lock the doors so you’re safe, no one else has a key.”</p>
<p>Rey wonders vaguely if she should be upset that he wants to lock her in, but she can practically feel the worry rolling off him through the bond so she nods once: his rooms are so light and airy, the colourful windows stretching all the way to the ceiling. This isn’t a prison.</p>
<p>“Okay,” she smiles, leaning her cheek against his hand and revelling in the comfort it brings. “Don’t be long.”</p>
<p>“Depends if anyone knows where the rest of the royal wardrobe was stored,” Ben muses, “But I’ll be as fast as I can, I promise.”</p>
<p>An idea strikes her and her eyes flash with mischief. “Before you go...”</p>
<p>“What is it?” he chuckles.</p>
<p>“It’s just... the laces on the back of this dress... Rose did them up for me, could you loosen them?” she inquires, schooling her face into the picture of innocence. “You know, so I can get it off?” She knows this is highly inappropriate, she should probably be astonished at her own immodesty, but the look on his face right now makes it worth it. “Ben?”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes, of course,” he mutters, hurrying back over to her and picking up one end of the ribbon once she’s turned around. He freezes there, his eyes trained on the back of her neck. Rey smothers a giggle.</p>
<p>She hears him suck in a breath as he tugs on the laces, his fingers brushing her skin lightly as he works his way down her back, loosening each loop of ribbon. He’s holding his breath now and she actually has to cover her mouth with her hand to stop laughing. Once he’s finished, his hand rests on her lower back for a torturously long moment before he realises and pulls it away like he’s been burned.</p>
<p>“There you go.” His voice is hoarse.</p>
<p>Rey turns back around and beams at him. “Thank you. That was perfect!”</p>
<p>He clears his throat and swallows hard, starting at the newly revealed skin where the dress, now undone, is slipping off her lightly freckled shoulder. “Yes. I’ll... go now.”</p>
<p>Rey bites her lip and nods, her eyes still sparkling. She manages to hold her laughter in until he leaves in a rush and locks the doors but once he’s gone, she’s in stitches.</p>
<hr/>
<p>It doesn’t take him too long to track down the old dresses in the end; it seems his mother has kept every last one and something in his chest twitches as he carries the draping fabric back up to his rooms. He hopes Rey likes them: he knows she’ll never have worn anything like them, but he knows the dresses hold a lot of meaning both to him and to his family.</p>
<p>Ben unlocks the door and quickly heads in. Hux might be off dealing with anyone who might be on Snoke’s payroll but Ben still locks the doors behind him as an extra precaution.</p>
<p>“Rey?” he calls, hearing the water splash in the next room as he wrestles with the excessive amounts of clothing he’s trying to carry.</p>
<p>“In the bath!” she calls back and the sound of her voice so close sends shivers down his spine.</p>
<p>Ben focuses on laying out the assortment of outfits on the bed before he turns to look at her, needing a moment to compose himself. When he turns, he realises it was useless. She takes his breath away anyway.</p>
<p>Only her head and shoulders are visible over the rim of the tub, but the glint of the metal only makes her gently tanned skin and warm eyes brighter, more vibrant. He’s not really had time to stop and consider what her magic means but he does now. She seems to glow from within, especially as she notices him staring and grins even wider.</p>
<p>“What?” she says shyly, tucking her wet hair behind her ears, the water sloshing as she shifts.</p>
<p>He licks his lips and folds his arms across his chest. “You’re beautiful.”</p>
<p>The blood rises in her cheeks and he wants to kiss her all over. How is she his even slightly?</p>
<p>She doesn’t know what to say in response so she just motions for him to turn around which he promptly does, only to be tortured with the sounds of her stepping out of the water behind him, dripping onto the floor as she wraps the fluffy towel around herself.</p>
<p>“Okay, I’m decent,” she mumbles, appearing at his side as she tucks the towel in and stares at the clothes he’s laid out. “What... what are all of these?”</p>
<p>Ben takes a deep breath and glances across and down at her. Her eyelashes flutter aginst her cheeks and she looks up to meet his gaze. “These were my grandmother’s. Her royal wardrobe from Naboo.”</p>
<p>He tries not to think about the chaos he has left behind there. There will be a time to fix that, but that time is not now.</p>
<p>“My mother never wore them, she had her own dresses made, but she kept these safe, just in case. I want you to have them. There are <i>so</i> many more, pick whatever you want, they’re yours,” he promises, his voice thick with emotion. Leia had put them into storage soon after his first outburst as a teenager, assuming – rightly – that there would be no one to wear them for a long time, if ever. Ben hopes giving them to Rey can right one wrong he commited against his mother.</p>
<p>Rey traces the seams of the dress closest to her, a golden yellow masterpiece embroidered with meadow flowers and edged with delicate lace. Her throat is tight and Ben begins to wonder if he made a mistake. Maybe this was too much too soon.</p>
<p>After a long, heavy moment of silence, she blinks, her eyes damp. “Ben, I don’t deserve these, they’re for a princess, a <i>queen</i> and I’m nothing, I’m nobody.”</p>
<p>His hand creeps round to cup the back of her neck as he shakes his head violently, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Not to me. Never to me. I know they’re a lot, I tried to find the simpler ones, if you can believe that,” he says with a huffing laugh, “But I wouldn’t have offered them to you if you didn’t deserve them. I know we haven’t talked about this, and, thinking about it, maybe now isn’t the best time,” he continues, starting to stumble over his words, “But if... if you want to be with me, properly, I know dyads aren’t always <i>romantic</i>, you don’t have to feel – feel the same as I do, of course, but-“</p>
<p>“Ben, I do,” Rey says swiftly, cutting off his nervous rambling with a gentle smile. “Don’t second guess it. I feel the same, I promise.”</p>
<p>He can feel his heart racing but he tries desperately to calm it down. “Good. I mean – it wouldn’t be bad if you didn’t, that would be fine, I just mean-“</p>
<p>“<i>Ben</i>,” she laughs, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him. “It’s all good.”</p>
<p>“Good,” he repeats, smiling against her lips and taking a deep breath as she hops back down to continue examining the dresses, all optimistic curiosity and warmth. It’s enough to soothe his nerves. “Because if we are – together, you know, then... as I’m king, technically you <i>do</i> deserve these dresses.”</p>
<p>Rey pauses in examining a chiffon gown that fades from creamy yellow, to sunset pink and dusky blue. “I hadn’t thought of that,” she admits, her voice level but he can feel her shock through the bond.</p>
<p>Something about their first touch, and every one since, has corrected the imbalance. There is no more echoing loneliness in his mind because <i>she</i> is there. No longer does he need to walk alone because she is beside him. Before, their magic had seemed at odds – his ice had hurt her, her presence had burned him, but now there is nothing but harmony. He can’t read her mind, but he does feel her emotions in tandem with his own. It’s terrifying, being to intricately connected to someone who is effectively a stranger, but it’s incredible too.</p>
<p>“No one is going to start bowing, no one will expect you to know what to do,” he hastens to add, catching some idea of her worries. “This is purely for me. It’s selfish but I want to show you off,” he smiles. “People will recognise the dresses, they’ll offer you some protection in that sense – not that I don’t think you can protect yourself.”</p>
<p>“Two days ago I had never worn a dress at all,” Rey confesses, but she’s still looking at them all, her eyes resting on an icy blue skirt and top that Ben knows has an embroidered cape too. “Some of these don’t look particularly good for fighting in,” she adds, now picking up the blue and holding it up to her to check the size, a little smile playing at the corner of her lips.</p>
<p>“Why, are you predicting more fighting?” he teases, but as she turns to look at him, her expression is serious.</p>
<p>“That depends,” she whispers.</p>
<p>“On?”</p>
<p>“On you,” Rey answers honestly. He doubts she beats around the bush with anything. “On if when Finn, Poe and Rose bring your mother and father back here you listen to them.”</p>
<p>Ben goes still, muscles frozen in panic. “What?”</p>
<p>Rey looks miserable and she drops the dress back on the bed to wind her arms around his waist. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just <i>dropped</i> that on you. But it’s... the other part of the plan. They want to come home, they want to talk to you. It’s not like I’m going to tie you up and hand you over to them,” she pleads with him to understand, “But they need to be here. You need to listen to them.”</p>
<p>He stares right through her. He’s genuinely dumbstruck – it was naïve, and maybe he’s been too caught up in Rey to think ahead – but of course this was the plan.</p>
<p>“Say something, Ben?”</p>
<p>“I... I hadn’t thought...” he croaks, “I forgot.”</p>
<p>“I did too,” she says, trying to sound soothing. “But will you? Will you hear them out?”</p>
<p>He’s going to need time later to dissect all of this and prepare himself for a reunion he thought he’d never have. But for now he can reassure her and stop her gnawing at her bottom lip the way she currently is. “Yeah, I can do that,” he mumbles.</p>
<p>She leans her forehead against his chest, her hands splayed out against his comforting bulk. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Desperately wanting the conversation to move on, Ben moves to pull a snowy white nightgown from the pile and chuckles as he realises it’s covered in delicately sewn snowflakes. How apt.</p>
<p>“This might work for now? You should rest,” he says, trying to sound firm. He’s conscious that she’s still injured and exhausted and, most likely, spent a night in the cells. The thought makes his blood run cold.</p>
<p>“I’ll rest if you stay with me,” she smiles, finding a massively oversized deep blue shawl and bundling that into her arms too.</p>
<p>“Of course,” he replies instinctively. He plans on staying with her for the rest of their lives.</p>
<p>She steals another kiss with an already familiar cheeky grin before darting next door to change.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Once she’s changed and her hair is dry (he’s very jealous – she just ran her heated hand through her hair and it was done in five minutes), Ben calls for someone to bring food and he fusses over her under the pretence of checking the cut to the back of her head. It’s not bad, as she insists repeatedly, so he lets it go and just bundles her up in his bed under the many blankets. It’s so casually domestic it makes him want to cry.</p>
<p>“Ben, stop staring,” Rey laughs, “Come and join me in bed.”</p>
<p>He actually has to close his eyes for a moment to rein himself in at her words. She giggles and he curses, the penny finally dropping.</p>
<p>“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?” he grumbles but he sits back against the many pillows as she crosses her legs and takes the bowl of broth he passes her eagerly, immediately spooning it into her mouth.</p>
<p>“I am if it’s working,” she grins, humming happily at the flavours and sighing. “You forget this bond works both ways.”</p>
<p>He grumbles under his breath but there’s no real annoyance in his tone. They fall silent as she eats – she has awful manners, he notices, but it’s endearing. It does, however, remind him that he doesn’t know anything about her. She’d called herself ‘nothing’ but he highly doubts that.</p>
<p>“Rey?” he asks softly, his eyes scanning over her. She’s not that skinny but she is underweight. She eats like a scavenger, like he’s about to snatch the food away from her at any moment.</p>
<p>“Hmm?”</p>
<p>“Where are you from? What... what happened?” Because something clearly happened. She’d admitted that morning that she came to him as soon as she could. Why did it take twenty years?</p>
<p>She freezes and stares at him like a cornered animal. “Ben...”</p>
<p>“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay, I won’t force you,” he hastens to add. “I just want to know you.”</p>
<p>Rey leans over and sets the already empty bowl back on the tray, her jaw tight as she battles with herself. He feels bad for touching a nerve, and he’s just about to tell her she doesn’t have to say anything and he’s sorry he asked when she holds her hand up to cut him off.</p>
<p>“The Emperor heard about me when I was about ten. He feared my powers, so he sent men after me,” she starts, slowly but firmly. “My parents were offered a choice. They chose to hand me over.” Bitterness lurks at the edges of her voice – he doesn’t blame her for it. “And then...”</p>
<p>She pauses and glances over at the balcony doors again, reminding herself that she’s never going back, and that telling this story is just airing the bad memories, setting them free.</p>
<p>“Then I was locked in a cell underneath Niima Palace and left,” she adds, “They used freezing water to damp my powers and kept me hidden. It’s why you never felt me through the bond. No one had ever told me about it and I was too weak to pick up on anything anyway.”</p>
<p>Speaking of the bond, she can feel the anger building inside him at her words, the same anger that she’s carried with her every day of her life since then. She doesn’t want it ruining him too so she shifts hastily, straddling him where he sits next to her, resting her hands on his shoulders. He’s tense under her touch, every muscles strained.</p>
<p>“Ben?” she whispers, leaning her weight on his thighs.</p>
<p>“That’s what you meant when you said you came to me as soon as you could?” he checks, his voice clipped as his eyes meet hers, glittering with fury.</p>
<p>Rey nods. “Please, don’t be mad. It’s done now. No more anger.”</p>
<p>He doesn’t want to agree, doesn’t want to calm down, but she has trusted him with her story and the last thing he wants is to lose that hard won trust. Ben nods slowly, forcing himself to focus on the here and now and not the way he wants to ride to Jakku and tear the Emperor from limb to limb.</p>
<p>“Why?” he whispers, his voice cracking slightly. All of the heartache, everything had gone so wrong for so many years, could’ve been avoided. “Why did he take you?”</p>
<p>Rey shakes her head. “I don’t really know. I assumed it was because of my magic. When you’re trying to force everyone to obey you, having someone with magic outside your control isn’t really a good look. I wish it had been different.”</p>
<p>“Everything I did, everything I let happen, was because I thought you didn’t exist,” Ben croaks and when he meets her eyes again there is nothing but raw honesty in his eyes. “Snoke whispering in my ear, driving my parents away...”</p>
<p>“What happened that day?” Rey asks, searching his face, memorising the lines of his nose and jaw, his furrowed brows, his dark hair falling softly over his forehead. She pushes the waves back tenderly.</p>
<p>“I felt you, when you were born,” Ben starts softly. “I felt it, like the centre of my world shifted to the point halfway between us. No one believed me, because you should’ve been born at the same time as me, or close enough. Nine years late was too late, in their eyes. That was the start of it. But what you’re referring to was four years ago. I’d just turned twenty five.”</p>
<p>Because he seems unbothered by her position on his lap, Rey relaxes and rests her hands in front of her, tracing the fine seams of his deep navy trousers.</p>
<p>“There was a ball to celebrate, a ball I never asked for,” he adds with a slight grumble. Rey smiles – she can’t imagine him enjoying that kind of thing. “I’d asked if I could leave Alderaan to search the other countries for you. My parents had denied me, saying I needed to get over it and focus on being the heir. I was already on edge and my powers had been playing up. My mother asked me to control myself and, ironically, that was the final straw.”</p>
<p>Rey’s eyes go round with shock. “What happened?” she dares to ask, her voice barely above a whisper.</p>
<p>“I managed to... break everything in the room, sent ice in every direction. Hux describes it far better than me, he got a good view, but it was violent and unexpected and I... I hurt my father. Quite badly,” Ben admits, the guilt curling through the air, choking him. “My mother feared me too much and everyone was panicking and they <i>ran</i> from me. I was a monster in their eyes.”</p>
<p>“You’re not a monster,” Rey promises, shuffling closer and wrapping her arms around his neck. “You’re <i>not</i>.”</p>
<p>“Easy for you to say,” he retorts bitterly, “You weren’t there.”</p>
<p>“No, I wasn’t,” she laughs quietly, “But I know Han and Leia. They’ve never once called you anything other than their <i>son</i>.”</p>
<p>Ben shudders and leans his forehead against hers. “Thank you.” He doesn’t have the words to express everything he’s feeling but he hopes those two will be enough for now.</p>
<p>Rey frowns slightly, thinking back to what he’s said. “Four years ago, right?”</p>
<p>He pulls away and nods. “Yeah, give or take.”</p>
<p>She can’t help it, a smile creeps across her features, recognition blooming in her eyes. “I felt you. I knew something was different but at the time I didn’t know what it was.”</p>
<p>“Rey, what on earth do you mean?”</p>
<p>“It must’ve been that day! The guard came as usual, there was a torch on the wall and normally that wasn’t enough to do anything with but I lashed out,” she explains, stumbling over her words in her rush, “It was a surge of power, more than I’d ever felt before. I burned him so badly that he crawled away screaming. They took the torches away after that, but that guard never returned and they stayed scared of me.”</p>
<p>“What are you trying to say?” Ben says. There’s a pleased glint in his eye – sure, wishing harm on people who probably hadn’t had a say in the Emperor’s decisions might be cruel, but he’s glad she managed to get some revenge, even if it was just that much.</p>
<p>“You gave me that strength, it <i>must’ve</i> been you,” she laughs breathily. “Even then, even before you knew, I felt you. You <i>helped</i> me.”</p>
<p>He kisses her without hesitation, feeling her energy surge to meet his, her lithe body pressing against his chest, his thighs, his groin. Everywhere she touches is burning and he thinks he should be mildly concerned but he trusts her, her magic can’t hurt him.</p>
<p>“Rey,” he croaks, sliding his fingers into her messy hair. The white nightgown has ridden up even further as she’s shifted on his lap exposing seemingly endless thighs and he has to focus hard on what he wants to say. “<i>Rey</i>.”</p>
<p>Her only reply is his own name, whispered against his skin: "Ben."</p>
<hr/>
<p>They sleep for several hours afterwards and when they finally stir, Rey feels better, if a little sore. But that’s a small price to pay when she sees Ben’s expression shift to joy, breaking like a sunrise as he realises she’s still there next to him.</p>
<p>Her hair is horrifically tangled both from the bath and their behaviour after it but Ben sends for some more food and, after a moment of realisation, a contraception potion and sits behind her, gently brushing every tangle out while they wait.</p>
<p>By the time the food arrives, piping hot from the kitchens that Rey knows all too well, her hair is as knot-free as it’s ever been and she’s wearing the yellow meadow flower dress. They had both nearly been stumped by the corsetry on the back and Rey hopes that their haphazard lacing holds up until someone else can help her. It’s more comfortable than she’d feared and, despite the fact that she didn’t think she’d like wearing such a fussy outfit, she does feel amazing.</p>
<p>The other benefit is that Ben cannot keep his eyes off her.</p>
<p>She eats carefully, deliberately slowing down to avoid ruining the gown, but they ate earlier so it’s not too long before she leans back in the chair and grins, stuffed and happy.</p>
<p>Ben is sat across from her and he puts his fork down with a little smile, cocking his head to the side as he watches her. “Do you even know how beautiful you are?”</p>
<p>“You would say that, you want me in these fancy dresses,” Rey grins back.</p>
<p>“I do, I want that a lot, but... do you?”</p>
<p>She blinks, sensing the serious undercurrent to his words. “Um. I’ve never really thought about it. I've only ever been in prison or on the run. My appearance never mattered and nowhere had a looking glass either. I’ve got some idea from pools and things, but the water’s always moving and you can’t really see yourself properly.”</p>
<p>Ben’s jaw drops. “You – you don’t know what you look like?”</p>
<p>Rey shrugs. It’s genuinely never crossed her mind. Obviously she’s mildly curious because it is her face after all, but not once in nineteen years has it <i>mattered</i>.</p>
<p>“I’m not saying this because I care what you look like,” Ben adds hastily, seeing the small frown creasing her freckled forehead. “I’m saying this because I think it’s a crime that you don’t even know. That you can’t even imagine what seeing you at Solstice did to me.”</p>
<p>Her expression softens. “I forget that was the first time you saw me. I saw you long before, the first time the bond lit up.”</p>
<p>“Lucky you,” he chuckles, rolling his eyes. He is sure she can’t be as amazed as he is: she is far too good for him.</p>
<p>“It was,” she smiles, shrugging and making the lace around her chest shifting alluringly. He’s going to have his work cut out for him focussing from now on. “You’re beautiful too.”</p>
<p>Ben says nothing. He doesn’t want to scoff, but neither does he want to agree. He glances down at his plate and then back up to her, her warm eyes crinkled with her grin. “Do you <i>want</i> to see yourself?”</p>
<p>Rey considers it for a moment. A year ago, no, she wouldn’t. She was emaciated and dirty and lonely, the heartache pouring out of her. Now, here in Alderaan Castle with Ben next to her, she thinks she wants to know who she has become. “Yes.”</p>
<p>He stands and walks round to her, holding his hand out. The gloves are gone, hopefully never to return, so when she takes his hand, she can feel the coolness of his skin. Ben leads her from the table through to the dressing room. There’s a full length mirror of incredible quality on the far wall reflecting the light from the windows at the far end of the room.</p>
<p>“Walk with me,” Ben chuckles, holding his hands over her eyes as he guides her over to the glass. The surface is as smooth as ice, cut perfectly. She’ll be able to see everything, not like the rippled blur of a lake. “Are you ready?”</p>
<p>Rey bits her lower lip but nods once, sharply. “Yes.”</p>
<p>He pulls his hands away.</p>
<p>It’s not that the person in the mirror is a stranger to her – she knows the general shape of her features, the colour of her hair and eyes – and Rose has complimented her on her height before, and on her figure. But the <i>detail</i> is extraordinary.</p>
<p>“I have... so many freckles,” Rey laughs, the sound bubbling out of her as she continues to stare, raising one hand and watching mirror Rey do the same. “I didn’t use to have so many, I swear.”</p>
<p>“All that travelling, I expect,” Ben grins, hovering behind but still towering over her. His dimples show in the image of him and she moves her hand to cup his cheek softly.</p>
<p>He pulls away reluctantly to move a second mirror over, still watching her with those earnest eyes. Rey can now see behind herself, the reflection of her multiplying out to infinity, the gold of the dress and the burned brown of her hair disappearing into the distance.</p>
<p>The woman in the mirror is nothing like she expected. This Rey is something else entirely. Her hair is clean and, while its grown out since, was cut neatly, her skin is washed and scented from the bath. The dress mirror Rey is wearing is a work of art from this angle, and she starts to understand why Ben wants her to keep wearing them as the fabric flows down her, pooling around her feet and giving her a silhouette that she couldn’t appreciate just from looking down at herself.</p>
<p>But what strikes her most of all isn’t anything surface level like that. It’s the muscles in her shoulders, the way her collarbones no longer catch shadows as she turns, the fullness of her cheeks and the light in her eyes.</p>
<p>Rey takes a deep breath and turns on the spot, her hair spinning out around her shoulders and she watches every other Rey do the same. She brings her hand up in front of her, drawing on the magic and pulling a tumbling ball of fire into existence, cradled in her palm carefully. Mirror Rey copies her, as does every single one behind her. There is no one else in sight, just Rey and her magic and her dress.</p>
<p>Letting the magic fade, her hand drops back to her side just as Ben moves to stand behind her, his large figure cutting out much of the repeating pattern and collapsing the illusion back to just them, just her and the King of Alderaan stood in the mirror, him in his usual smart black and navy blue, her in the sunny yellow of the Naboo queen.</p>
<p>Something settles inside her, like a pebble sinking through a still, clear lake. This is where she is meant to be. After two decades of searching - even longer for him - she is home.</p>
<p>The words must echo through their bond because he takes a shuddering breath and kisses the top of her head so tenderly that her heart breaks. Neither of them need to speak to know what the other is thinking.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am not overly happy with how this chapter turned out but!! We move!! Hope this provides even just a few minutes of distraction right now. There is a skipped ~sex scene~ that I'm going to be uploading soon ish as a one shot to keep this story SFW but I know we all want the good stuff so keep an eye out ;)<br/>Stay safe everyone xx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. What the River Knows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've updated the tags for things happening in this chapter, but as a heads up: panic attacks, deconstructing mindsets set in place by an abuser, voices in head.</p>
<p>Hope everyone is doing okay, staying safe and well x</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It takes several days for Hux to weed out the rest of Snoke’s associates and cleanse the castle of them – mostly by telling them that if they don’t want to be speared through with an icicle they should run while they still can. But by the morning of the fourth day, Hux sends word to the king that he’s confident the castle is completely under their control once more. A captain of the guard by the name of Phasma has vanished and will need replacing, but other than that, the place is free of Snoke’s influence.</p>
<p>Ben and Rey are taking a walk in the gardens when Hux finally catches up with them. The general bows swiftly to Ben and then to Rey after only a moment’s hesitation. Rey doesn’t exactly blame him: there’s been a lot of speculation about her and where she’s come from. Ben is reluctant to announce her formally in case there are still people close by who would see her dead; however the royal wardrobe has seemingly convinced enough people that she is at least under royal protection, even if she holds no titles that they know of.</p>
<p>“Your Majesty, I trust that you got my message this morning?” Hux checks, raising one thin eyebrow.</p>
<p>“I did, Hux, thank you,” Ben says sincerely, nodding and gently tugging Rey closer to his side just in case.</p>
<p>“I was actually wondering if it was possible to speak to Rey, if that’s alright?” Hux continues, looking pale. He’s not sure how well this is going to go down considering Rey hasn’t been out of Ben’s sight since the throne room... incident.</p>
<p>“Of course,” Rey says before Ben can decide one way or the other. This is her decision, not his. “Ben, weren’t you just saying you had something to do after this?”</p>
<p>Ben does not look happy at all. “I was in no rush to do it,” he mutters, shooting Hux a warning look. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Hux or doesn’t think Rey can look after herself – he knows both of them well enough to know they’d be offended by those thoughts – but it’s what he has to do himself that’s making him reluctant.</p>
<p>Rey must catch some of his feelings through the bond because she stands on her tiptoes and kisses his cheek softly. “You can do it, whatever it is.”</p>
<p>He gives her a tight smile but drops her hand and waits for Hux to bow to him again before taking off towards the castle.</p>
<p>Rey wrings her hands together, concerned, but turns back to the general and smiles slightly. “It’s good to finally get to talk to you, General Hux. Nice to meet you properly.”</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you too... Rey? Is it just Rey?” he checks, much more at ease now Ben is out of sight. “I’m not sure if he’s elevated you to some fancy position yet.”</p>
<p>Rey grins. “He offered, I said no. It’s just Rey.”</p>
<p>“In which case, I’m just Hux,” he chuckles in return, offering her his arm which she takes with a little smile, resuming the path she’d planned to walk with Ben.</p>
<p>The gardens are nearly unrecognisable to Hux. The castle grounds, the same ones he’s seen every day for years, are green and teeming with life. The icy paths and frost tipped lawns are gone, replaced by lush borders, flowers on the brink of bloom and butterflies flittering from flower to flower – butterflies! He can’t remember the last time he saw one of the little critters.</p>
<p>“So, just Hux,” Rey grins, “Why did you want to talk to me?”</p>
<p>Hux drags his eyes from the blossoming apple trees that line the dappled path they’re wandering along to her sunny face and sighs.</p>
<p>“I wanted to ask... I assume there is more to Queen Leia’s plan than this?” he begins, pinching the bridge of his nose in distaste. He hates that he has to be the one to potentially ruin Kylo’s happiness – or Rey’s, for that matter. But things are changing fast and he needs to know, if only to plan ahead. “I knew her well, I highly doubt she just wants Alderaan’s seasons back to normal even if that were the most... pressing issue.”</p>
<p>Rey’s expression flickers and she stops walking, pausing in a patch of sunlight that seems to glow brighter as she watches him. She’s in a dress the colour of sunset, the silver accents bright against her tanned skin, the light fabric stirred by the breeze.</p>
<p>“There is more to her plan, yes,” Rey admits slowly. “I’m telling you this because I trust you. You’re Ben’s friend, right?”</p>
<p>Hux nods. He doubts either of them would say it themselves, but yes, they are friends. They’ve been more than king and attendant for a long time.</p>
<p>“Then I think you’ll agree with what I’m going to say next,” Rey continues. “Leia’s plan was to end the eternal winter, sure.”</p>
<p>“Something you have done marvellously, may I just add,” Hux adds dryly, glancing up at the sky, the fresh spring air filled with the gentle perfume of the flowers. “Colour me impressed.”</p>
<p>Rey cracks a grin. “Thank you. I can’t quite believe it myself.”</p>
<p>Hux chuckles and looks down at his leather boots as they start to walk again. He can see why Kylo likes her, soulmate dyad nonsense aside. She has an easy humour that Kylo has always lacked and his friend is always calmer around her.</p>
<p>“But she also wants him to abdicate,” Rey continues, intensely focussed on a rose bush winding its way up the side of the pagoda stretching over the crossroads of the garden paths. “She wants the throne back. Partially because he should never have taken it in the first place –“ Hux grunts in agreement. “But mostly because it’s not good for him. He’s not ready for it.”</p>
<p>“Aye, I’ll agree with that,” he mutters. He’s seen first-hand how both Snoke and the pressure of the throne twisted Kylo. “He needs time to get his head on straight again.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad you agree,” Rey says, relieved. “I haven’t known him nearly as long as you have, and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t jumping to conclusions.”</p>
<p>“You met Snoke, I presume?”</p>
<p>Rey’s expression darkens, the anger sweeping across her face like clouds blotting out the sun. “I did,” she says, her lip curling in disgust. “I’m glad I didn’t have to know him for long.”</p>
<p>“My thoughts exactly,” Hux says. “I think... I think Kylo deserves some time to figure things out for himself. That bastard was in his head for far too long.”</p>
<p>“I think he deserves that too,” Rey agrees quietly. “He promised me that he would speak to his parents when they arrived but didn’t say anything else.”</p>
<p>“They’re coming here?” Hux says sharply, both eyebrows shooting up. “No offence, Rey, why didn’t you lead with that?”</p>
<p>“I needed to see if you were going to try and stop them first! I didn’t know if you genuinely cared about him!” she counters stubbornly, her chin jutting out as she folds her arms across her chest.</p>
<p>“Okay, okay, I understand,” he sighs with begrudging respect for her. At least one of the dyad has a head on their shoulders and remembers to think ahead. “Tell me the plan then.”</p>
<p>“Rose, Finn and Poe went to meet them the night I came here. They were expected to take a week, so they could be together already,” she starts, playing with the sleeves of her dress that fall from her wrists elegantly.</p>
<p>It’s incredible to Hux that this woman, so much smaller than Kylo and dressed so daintily, holds just as much power as him. He supposes he should be used to it by now – all the women in Kylo’s family were the same. Underestimating Leia Organa was not something you did twice and he knows that her mother had been the same: of course Kylo chose the only woman capable of taking him in a fight.</p>
<p>“The plan was to head back here and meet with Ben and ask him to step down. Leia didn’t tell me much more than that just in case it went wrong.”</p>
<p>“But I don’t need to be planning to defend the castle from a siege, at least?” Hux confirms, relieved. “The king will let them in? I don’t know if I have the energy for a defensive attack considering we’ve just been on the march for months on end.”</p>
<p>“Will he pull out of the other countries?” Rey asks, turning her gaze on Hux.</p>
<p>“He didn’t want to be in them in the first place,” he says honestly, “It was all Snoke and needing to prove his worth. If you asked him now he’d do it, Rey, I’m sure of it.”</p>
<p>She nods thoughtfully. “I’m leaving that to Leia. I’m no diplomat and she wanted to talk to him herself, I think.”</p>
<p>“Understandable,” Hux shrugs. “Anything else?”</p>
<p>“Not that I can think of, but I’ll let you know,” she laughs.</p>
<p>“Then that’s all I had to ask,” he says, rolling his shoulders out and taking a deep breath now the concern of invasion was gone.</p>
<p>“Hux?” Rey says tentatively.</p>
<p>“Hmm?”</p>
<p>“When Leia speaks to him... do you think he <i>will</i> step down? Do you think he’ll actually listen? He won’t talk to me about it and I can’t sense anything through the bond.”</p>
<p>Hux pauses for a moment to consider the question and finds that he cannot answer right away, as much as he wishes he could. “I... I think so. When asked to choose between you and Snoke, he chose you, didn’t he?”</p>
<p>“He nearly didn’t,” Rey confesses, her voice barely audible over the rustling of the leaves overhead. “I thought he was going to choose him.”</p>
<p>His stomach turns slightly because he can see in her eyes that she isn’t lying. “Then I suppose we hope that he’s learned his damn lesson and doesn’t get it into his head to off you any time soon.”</p>
<p>Rey looks horrified for half a second and then it passes, her mouth twitching at the edges. She bursts into relieved laughter, dragging a smile from Hux too as he rolls his eyes. Looping her arm through his, still laughing loudly, she asks him to show her the way to the centre of the hedge maze and decides that that’s more than enough talk for one morning. They have time before the Rebellion arrives and now she has Hux on her side too, she feels much more confident about the outcome of all of this.</p>
<hr/>
<p>When Ben leaves Rey with Hux, he doesn’t plan on going straight to his destination. But he ends up there anyway, his brain on autopilot. It’s partly habit, having made the journey up to the tower so many times over the years, and partly his subconscious giving him the nudge to do what he knows he must.</p>
<p>The steps are steep but he barely notices them, his fingers trailing along the metal handrail that winds around the outer wall of the stairwell, the narrow windows flashing past as he makes his way up and up and up.</p>
<p>Eventually he arrives at the doors to the tower rooms and his mind catches up with what his legs have done. Planting his hand on the wall, Ben takes several deep breaths, grounding himself before he approaches.</p>
<p>The doors are locked, of course, and he has no idea where the key will have gone in the chaos of the last few days. It doesn’t stop him though: he gathers his magic and sends a bolt of ice through where the lock is with such focussed force that the door is slammed open, the mechanism completely shattered and splintered into pieces on the floor.</p>
<p>Ben stares at the gaping doorway for a moment longer, stunned that that just worked. Rey had explained that now they’re together their magic would balance out – she’s felt more power rippling under her skin ever since that day and suspected that he’d learn from her too – but it’s the first time he’s seen real proof of it since he murdered Snoke.</p>
<p>But he’s only using his internal monologue as an excuse to put this off, so he shakes his head firmly and strides forwards with more confidence than he feels.</p>
<p>Snoke’s rooms are silent and empty. A tomb to the man whose body is buried somewhere outside the city – Ben doesn’t even know where, and he doubts he’ll ever want to know. There is already a fine layer of dust settling over the previously immaculate furniture and the air stirs groggily as Ben moves through the series of rooms, his ears pricked for life as if a ghost is about to jump out at him.</p>
<p>He checks everywhere and, as he knew but needed to see for himself, there is no Snoke. He is really gone.</p>
<p>All he wants to do is sink to his knees and <i>weep</i> with relief but he forces his trembling limbs to still and slips quietly into Snoke’s study. The papers are all undisturbed: war plans, half written up enquiries and laws, scrolls and scrolls of correspondence with people all over the kingdom and beyond, probably.</p>
<p>Ben has never been in here. He was never <i>allowed</i>, like Snoke could command a king. Except Snoke could, and he did, and so Ben takes no small amount of satisfaction in lowering himself into an ornate leather armchair, the cushions shifting to accommodate his width as he leans back and forces his tense muscles to relax.</p>
<p>It feels odd to be this far away from Rey again, the thread of the bond tying them together stretched out, but he isn’t scared. He can still feel her down in the gardens with Hux, it’s just muted, the flow of their feelings and their magic slower but still strong and steady.</p>
<p>He allows the silence to settle again, closing his eyes in the empty chambers and feeling his chest rise and fall with each breath he takes.</p>
<p>It’s a mistake because the moment he thinks about it, he can no longer breathe and his eyes fill with tears. Choking slightly, he arches his back and whines, the noise louder than he expects, echoing off the walls. The stretch in his chest is suddenly too much and he falls forwards, bringing his knees up onto the seat like he has since childhood, wrapping his arms around his legs and curling into a ball in the armchair.</p>
<p>It’s all too much too fast. Snoke gone, just like that. The figure looming over his life for all twenty nine years of it is no more, and Ben is expected to just adjust to figure out how to be his own person again. He is terrified of replacing Snoke with Rey – not because he believes Rey would ever hurt him, but because he is so used to bowing to someone else. He doesn’t know how to love without losing himself. He is terrified that his parents won’t understand. He is <i>terrified</i>, full stop.</p>
<p>The sobs creep up in volume, wracking through him painfully as he cries and cries and cries, unable to stop the flood of anger and pain and grief that he’s been keeping back for years. It is a tidal wave, a tsunami, and it leaves him drowning in his own thoughts. His palms are sweaty, his chest won’t move, his vision is blurry even as he blinks away the never ending stream of tears.</p>
<p>It’s always been so loud in his head with Snoke’s words, his own self-pity and loathing. There has never been any room for his own thoughts. And even though he can’t breathe, can’t <i>move</i> as he rocks back and forth in the leather seat clutching at his own sanity, it is <i>quiet</i> for the first time in a very long time. There is silence in his mind, save for the wave of concern rolling from Rey where she waits below, out in the now vibrant grounds.</p>
<p>Slowly, breath by breath, he pulls himself back together. It takes a long time, he’s not even sure how much time has passed since he left the gardens to do this, but eventually he feels almost himself again. But maybe a slightly better version of himself this time.</p>
<p>Ben stays still for a while longer, allowing the knot in his chest to loosen and finally drop away. He falls back into old memories of his mother stroking his hair as he cried, telling him to breathe in, hold it, let it go again. Let it go, Ben. He finds himself listening to her. It’s possibly the first time it’s worked and he’s has to laugh because <i>of course</i> out of all the times Leia tried to help, it works <i>now</i> when he hasn’t seen her in years.</p>
<p>Eventually, he straightens up and stands carefully, feeling a weight lifted from his shoulders.</p>
<p>He moves over to the ornate desk, scanning his eyes across the abandoned projects, the half-written letters. Ben sets the quill back in the pot of ink left unstopped, straightens the papers and traces the patterns of leaves and flowers etched into the wood, covering the drawers and the sturdy legs. Something catches his eye and he crouches quickly, frowning; one of the flowers on the third drawer down is ever so slightly different to the others. Knowing Snoke and his tricks, he yanks on the handle to reveal... an empty drawer, only a snapped quill rattling around inside. But the thought has snagged his attention and he knows he won’t stop until he figures this out. Snoke had plenty to hide and he need to unearth it all if he’s to stop thinking about it. It’s a small mystery in the general scheme of things, but he helps him focus and settles him as he ponders.</p>
<p>Ben leans back on his haunches and huffs. There’s something about this drawer, he knows it, and from this angle he can see that the depth of the drawer from the outside just doesn’t line up with the depth on the inside. A false bottom, albeit a very slim one. Clever.</p>
<p>His eyes light up and he presses down on the mismatching flower, expecting the bottom of the drawer to pop up. There’s a small noise and he checks inside only to find <i>still</i> nothing.</p>
<p>Infuriated, he growls and kicks out at the leg of the desk.</p>
<p>When he does, the underside of the drawer rattles and dislodges something: a crisp piece of parchment falls slowly, gently, to the floor. The false bottom was underneath, not inside, another layer of concealment. There is a second letter still trapped in the thin compartment but Ben ignores it for now, focussing instead on the one on the floor in front of him.</p>
<p>He picks it up with shaking hands, not sure that he’s quite prepared for whatever awful secrets a man like Snoke had to hide. He doesn’t recognise the handwriting, which isn’t a good sign: Ben has written to most, if not all, of the Alderaanian allies over the years. This is not a letter from a friend.</p>
<p>His heart jumps into his throat and then sinks right back down to his feet in fear when he sees who has signed this letter, whose seal is marked in wax at the bottom. Emperor Palpatine.</p>
<p>Head spinning, he begins to read.</p>
<p>What he sees doesn’t make sense - until it does, and then it begins to make all too much sense and he falls to the floor, his legs unable to hold him up. He can’t even begin to process the contents, exhausted as he is.</p>
<p>Because what this letter is saying, what this letter explains, is too horrific to think about for any length of time. Guilt wraps itself around his throat, choking him into silence as he sits, and stares, and rereads the sharp letters scratched into the decade old parchment. Ben closes his eyes, unable to keep making sense of it.</p>
<p>The only thing he can focus on is so painful that it scrapes at the inside of his skull, consuming him once more: this letter reveals what he’s half feared all along. He was responsible for Rey’s imprisonment in the first place – and for everything that has happened to her since.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Rey comes to find him when it’s clear he’s not moving from the tower.</p>
<p>She approaches him slowly, his hands still trembling slightly where he grips the letter, the rest of the papers spread around him in a haphazard semicircle and she can taste his grief in her mouth, raw and bleeding into the room around them.</p>
<p>“Ben?”</p>
<p>He shudders at her voice, but she approaches him anyway, cautious yet unfaltering.</p>
<p>“Ben, what happened?” she whispers, kneeling down next to him and wrapping her fingers around his wrist gently.</p>
<p>Where does he start? He shakes his head weakly, opens his mouth to speak but just closes it again. He can’t even protest as she prises the letter from his hands and massages out his tense muscles.</p>
<p>“You’re going to have to tell me,” she mutters, “If you were hoping I’d just read that letter and you could get away with not being the bearer of bad news, tough luck. I can’t read, Ben.”</p>
<p>He feels his cheeks burn with embarrassment. He should be thinking of things like this. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>Rey shakes her head. “Not your fault. But if you want me to help, I need to understand.”</p>
<p>He nods and stands shakily, deciding that he doesn’t want to tell her this while they’re sat on the cold floor. Holding his hand out for her, he manages a weak smile and nods through to the other room. She takes his hand and follows, her apprehension clear on her face.</p>
<p>“Sit,” he whispers, kissing the top of her head.</p>
<p>She gives him a funny look but does as he says, perching on the edge of a seat in the main living area of Snoke’s rooms, fiddling with the skirts pooling around her ankles. “Ben, you’re scaring me.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I just... I don’t know how to explain this,” he croaks, “Reading this letter out verbatim... I could do it, but...”</p>
<p>“That scares me <i>more</i>, please, just tell me?”</p>
<p>Ben looks stricken, his eyes wide and almost pitying. Her heart rate spikes – he has never looked at her like this before. She starts to shake – the letter is bad. Really bad.</p>
<p>“It’s from Emperor Palpatine,” Ben starts, tripping over his words as he scans the writing once more, reluctantly confirming what he’s about to say. “To Snoke. Saying that... saying that he found you. I told everyone I felt you when you were born, and Snoke immediately went looking for you. Not just in Alderaan, or even just the North. All over. And the Emperor found you.”</p>
<p>Rey’s mind goes blank. There is no room for thoughts, only the horrifying realisation. Ben continues speaking, unable to stop the torrent of awful words now he’s begun.</p>
<p>“He wrote to Snoke, saying that you were secured, your powers were being damped, if there were any ways he could <i>improve</i> what he was doing,” Ben continues, his voice cracking in agony, “They realised if you were out of the picture, but alive, I would... I would lose my mind. And I did.”</p>
<p>She’s not sure when she started crying but she feels the hot and heavy tears rolling down her cheeks in a steady stream. Every muscle is trembling, her fight or flight response triggered but unable to function as the gravity of the news starts to sink in.</p>
<p>“They were using you to drive me insane, so Snoke could control me better. They... they were working together. Snoke knew where you were the entire time,” he choked. “And they never even told me you existed.”</p>
<p>He stops and Rey thinks he’s waiting for a response from her but she doesn’t know if she’ll ever speak again. All of it, the nine years in a cell, every bucket of water soaking her to the bone, every night spent alone and shivering, was <i>deliberate</i>. To keep her from him. To dampen her magic and her spirit so Ben would know he was missing half of himself but be unable to find it. To deprive them both and use him to take control of the rest of the world. So Snoke and Palpatine could rule together, with Ben as their puppet and her as their prisoner deep underground.</p>
<p>Vaguely she can hear screaming but she doesn’t know if it’s her or just the echoes of her younger self. Ben’s cool hands are on her cheeks, but her vision is red and she pushes him off her frantically, needing space, needing to breathe.</p>
<p>“Rey, Rey, I’m sorry,” he calls as she stumbles backwards, knocking over a small table with her erratic movements. It should hurt but she feels nothing.</p>
<p>She barely hears him over the sound of the blood thumping in her ears, her magic spiralling out of control as her rage bubbles over.</p>
<p>She’s spent her whole life not knowing the answers to any of her questions: why her parents gave her up, why she was taken, why she had her magic, why she was <i>alone</i>. Finding out that every single thing that was ever done to her was because of one man’s determination to conquer the entire world at the expense of everyone around him is the fuel poured over the bonfire of her resentment.</p>
<p>Alight with fury, she screams again and this time she knows it’s her, because Ben’s face comes back into focus, wide-eyed at her outburst but not scared. Even now he knows she won’t hurt <i>him</i>. The unwavering <i>love</i> spilling from him is too much for her to take and it lights the flames inside her as she throws her arms out wide, her chest heaving.</p>
<p>Fire <i>pours</i> from her hands and in mere moments, the room is engulfed in flames, the furniture combusting as the temperature soars, the noise in her head manifesting in her magic, fire licking at the carpets, the tapestries, the dark furniture. There’s so much smoke and her head starts to spin; it might be the thinning air or it might be the sudden emptiness that she feels in her chest. Everything she has, everything she is, cascades out from her, filling the room with so much pain and magic that she chokes.</p>
<p>Staggering, Rey falls to her knees, her palms still lit up with molten light she couldn’t control even if she had the energy. She wonders vaguely if this is how it ends. If she gets this far and burns the whole place down, taking her and Ben with it.</p>
<p>He’s choking on the billowing smoke, the acrid smell filling every corner of the room. It’s unable to escape through the narrow windows set deep into the thick walls and so it congests the air, foul and roiling. The snapping of the flames is horrifyingly loud and while Rey knows fire cannot hurt her, she isn’t so sure about him.</p>
<p>“Ben,” she whispers and her throat is dry and prickly. “<i>Ben</i>?” She needs him. She needs it to stop. She’s been alone for so long. They took him from her. They kept her from him. Her heart aches.</p>
<p>“I’m here,” he croaks, keeping low to the ground as he crawls over to her, his breathing ragged. He should be reluctant to approach her but he doesn’t hesitate even once, even as her magic circles her, protecting her from an enemy that is too far away and yet not far enough. “Rey, sweetheart, look at me.”</p>
<p>She forces her eyes open despite the rippling heat of the air and he is right there in front of her, too vivid to be a dream. She sobs, the sound catching in her sore throat.</p>
<p>His arms encircle her, wrapping her into his soothing embrace as she sobs weakly into his shirt, feeling his heart thudding inside his ribcage.</p>
<p>The temperature of the room gradually cools, a thick mist rippling out from around them and hushing the crackle of the fire and the burning room. It condenses gradually before it starts to fall, splashing like a spring shower onto her bare back, the fabric of her dress burned away. There’s a gentle hissing as the molten floor solidifies and cools, the water steaming on the hot tiles until all the fire is gone and there is only Rey in his arms, their laboured breathing overlapping in the silence of the ruined room.</p>
<p>There are so many important things to focus on but there’s only one that Rey can form the words for: “Did you just summon <i>rain</i>?” she breathes.</p>
<p>Ben looks over her head, startled as he takes in the room.</p>
<p>“You did,” she whispers, shifting on his lap so their eyes are level again. “You <i>did</i>.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t even know I could do that,” Ben says nervously, “I don’t like it.”</p>
<p>“It makes sense,” Rey counters, “Water is just... melted ice.”</p>
<p>A small laugh bubbles up out of his throat as he cups her jaw, the water still running down her cheeks, obscuring the tear tracks of before. “Eloquently put, Rey.”</p>
<p>She scowls slightly even as she fights back her own laughter. How easily he calms her down, how easily she relaxes in his arms – it amazes her. Her ferocity isn’t gone, she still wants to tear the Emperor from limb to limb, but it’s tempered by Ben’s presence.</p>
<p>“I guess you’re right, it does make sense though,” he agrees quietly. “Maybe you’ve thawed me out,” he says, only half joking.</p>
<p>“I like that idea,” she whispers, leaning against his shoulder again as she her eyes droop shut.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he continues, shaking his head and pressing a tender kiss to her temple as he tightens his grip around her. “That it happened to you because of me. That it happened at all.”</p>
<p>“It isn’t your fault,” she promises quietly but firmly, gripping his shirt. “You know that right?”</p>
<p>Ben hesitates but nods after a moment. “As long as you don’t blame me, I won’t blame myself. Deal?”</p>
<p>“Deal,” she sighs, taking a deep breath in through her nose and pushing the air out through her mouth to centre herself. “I’m going back to Jakku, Ben. Not right now, but I’m going to go.”</p>
<p>“You don’t ever have to go back,” Ben retorts, scowling at the thought of her being anywhere near the Emperor again.</p>
<p>“I don’t <i>have</i> to,” she agrees as she stretches her shaky legs. Rey gathers what’s left of her burned dress around herself and stands. Ben looks up at her in awe. “But I’m going to. I’ll go back just long enough to kill him and then never return.”</p>
<p>He stands too, towering over her once more. Her skin still feels overheated, his gentle touch sending shivers up and down her spine as he brushes her hair back, his jaw tense as he waits for her to finish. She doesn’t even know how to put into words what she feels towards him in this moment. He hasn’t run scared, he hasn’t tried to stop her, or cut her off. Ben simply let her <i>feel</i>. The gratitude is overwhelming. Everything he does, from brushing her hair out before bed and having her dress from Rose repaired, to big things like this or giving her the protection of a royal wardrobe and promising her the world, is done so sincerely, a testament to the bond between them.</p>
<p>For someone whose survival depended on her bond with a stranger, Rey hasn’t actually spent much time thinking about the gravity of their situation. And now she does, she knows how lucky she is. She was never alone, not really. And she never will be again. It could’ve gone horribly wrong, it could’ve been someone else – to get to love the man she’s tied to is <i>incredible</i> and she vows to never stop being grateful for this chance.</p>
<p>“I’m going to kill him,” she says calmly even as her heart pounds in her chest. “For what he did to me. And for what he did to you. For everything.”</p>
<p>“Then he’s as good as dead already,” Ben promises. “I’ll be by your side the whole way.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So last chapter is technically the penultimate chapter, but I split only 16 and 17 into two because it was pretty long otherwise. They were intended as one chapter! I'll leave it up to you guys, but would you rather I treat chapter 17 as a separate chapter and upload it in two weeks time, a week after 16, or upload chapters 16 and 17 together next week? Let me know!!</p>
<p>I'm still editing the NSFW scene too but that will be up shortly I promise! x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Come My Darling, Homeward Bound</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm going to upload the final final chapter next week bc I am not yet ready to let go of these characters!!<br/>I've started work on the sequel and I will do my best to write the first bits of that soon!! I am absolutely not finished with this story &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When the bells at the city gates begin to toll as the sun rises over the eastern hills, Rey is already awake. Wrapped in Ben’s arms, she is safe and warm and loved and she doesn’t want to stir just yet. But as the welcoming clang rings through the castle all the way from the wall at the bottom of the hill, signalling a large – and important – party has arrived, she scrambles out of bed, her eyes wide with excitement.</p>
<p>Because they are only expecting one group right now.</p>
<p>“Ben!” she hisses as she darts around collecting her clothes from various corners of the room. “Ben, wake <i>up</i>!”</p>
<p>Ben rolls onto his back, his bare chest pale in the thin light filtering through the windows. His bedroom is south facing and soon it will be warm and golden with the heat of the day, but right now, without her warmth next to him he’s not ready to face the chilly air outside the bed.</p>
<p>“Ben!” she tries again, throwing a pillow at him and scowling, hands on her hips in the doorway. “The Rebellion are here! We need to get ready!”</p>
<p>That seems to work, and he sits up sharply – it’s the day of reckoning.</p>
<p>She can sense his panic and she realises she needs to intervene quickly or he will spiral. He’s been going over and over what he needs to say, how to say it, ever since she told him his parents were on their way to the city, but the anxiety threatens to overwhelm him right now.</p>
<p>“I need you to help me pick one of these dresses, I don’t know what impression you want to make. Can you give me a hand?” she offers, shrugging slightly.</p>
<p>Ben runs a hand through his bed-rumpled hair but he nods and swings himself out of bed. She allows herself a few moments to stare at his chest before she keeps things moving and slips through to the wardrobe.</p>
<p>When he appears behind her, he’s dragged on a loose white shirt and splashed water onto his face to wake himself up quickly – they aren’t going to have long before Hux comes to get them if Rose, Finn and Poe are already at the edge of the city</p>
<p>“I leave my outfit in your capable hands, I still don’t know the difference between blood orange and red – they’re the same colour, Ben, I promise you,” she continues. Rey knows she’s rambling but if drawing him into a discussion on shades of fabric will distract him then she’s willing to listen to his nonsense.</p>
<p>Ben doesn’t fall for the bait but he does snort, his shoulders shaking slightly from where he stands, rifling through the dresses that have all been brought up now, even the ones that are so intricate they make her dizzy.</p>
<p>“You want to be able to move still, right?” he asks over his shoulder, pulling out a grey blue skirt and dark velvet bodice.</p>
<p>She turns back from brushing her hair out and blinks at him. “That depends on if you’re going to listen to your parents or if I have to play peacemaker.”</p>
<p>“Touché,” he sighs. “This one works then.”</p>
<p>Rey hopes that means he’s going to listen but she doesn’t press the matter. He helps her into the skirts – they’ve not bothered to sort out a maid for her because Rey dismissed the idea as ‘pretentious’ – and then carefully twists her hair into two buns on the side of her head as she fiddles with the delicate silver cuffs that hold the balloon sleeves in place. The high collar makes her feel regal, like she does belong in this dress, and the bodice is covered in silver thread detailing both the Naboo and Alderaanian symbols.</p>
<p>As she looks at herself in the mirror, watching Ben pin her hair carefully into place, she realises what he’s doing. He is dressing her as royalty. Not just someone important, not just a girl in a pretty dress. The symbols on her breast mark her out as his, as a <i>queen</i>. Her breath catches in her throat.</p>
<p>“Is it too much?” he asks gently, his hands on her shoulders as he straightens up to admire his handiwork.</p>
<p>She shakes her head and then holds still as he positions the silver headpiece on her brow. “No. I just worry about what all this means,” she admits. “If I’m dressed like this, if we’re greeting them like they’re... guests and not the rightful rulers...”</p>
<p>“That’s not why I’m dressing you like this,” Ben promises softly, kissing the top of her head before moving away to get himself ready. She doesn’t bother to look at what he’s picking out: she knows it will be plain and black.</p>
<p>“Then why?” she frowns, grabbing her belt and tying it loosely around her waist before attaching a jewelled dagger to it. Rey doubts she’ll need it – Ben doesn’t seem like he’s about to start another war and her magic is strong enough now that she doesn’t need weapons – but it’s pretty and makes her feel safer.</p>
<p>Ben turns as he buttons up his usual quilted doublet and smiles at her. “Because I want to show you off. I’m introducing you to my parents.”</p>
<p>Her cheeks go pink but she rolls her eyes. “I’ve met your parents! I’ve known them longer than I’ve known you! I fainted in the sand in front of your mother, Ben, this <i>really</i> isn’t an introduction.”</p>
<p>“But this time I’m introducing you as <i>mine</i>,” he says firmly, his eyes bright. There is a little smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth that she longs to kiss away. “And I’m going to do that properly.”</p>
<p>She grins at him and leans against the wardrobe door as she watches him finish dressing. He pulls out a royal blue cape and secures it at his throat easily, reminding Rey that, regardless of how he came to be king this time around, this is what he was raised for. This was always where he would end up, it was his destiny. And hers too now, she supposes.</p>
<p>“Are you ready?” Ben asks as he joins her, offering her his arm.</p>
<p>They hear Hux’s familiar knock on the door and Rey nods once, offering him a small smile. So much rests on today, years of work and planning and forgiveness, but as she slips her arm through his and follows him out of his rooms, she allows herself to just enjoy walking through the halls of a castle in a pretty dress on the arm of a king. She’ll worry about the rest when it happens.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“I’ve kept them waiting so you two could get set up in the throne room, if... if that’s where you want to greet them?” Hux checks, walking at Ben’s side as the guards trail behind them, keeping their distance. “I added the other throne back, but I understand if you don’t particularly want to go back in there just yet, we could sort-“</p>
<p>“The throne room is perfect, General Hux, thank you,” Ben says, cutting the man off before he gets carried away. “I’ll signal to you when you can let them in.”</p>
<p>Rey ignores the talk of arrangements and leans around Ben to speak to Hux. “Did you see my friends?”</p>
<p>“You mean the mouthy Alderaanian and the other two?” Hux sniffs. “I had the misfortune of meeting him, yes, although I make no comment on his partner and the young lady.”</p>
<p>So Poe was alright then. “Thanks, Hux,” she laughs.</p>
<p>“That’s quite alright,” he smiles back as he nods to the guards to open the throne room doors.</p>
<p>Rey is expecting to feel swamped by dread as she enters the high-ceilinged room. The last time she was in here she was chained and frozen, terrified that she had been too late to save Ben; this time she is dressed like royalty and is climbing the shallow steps to where two thrones wait.</p>
<p>She hesitates and sucks in a sharp breath as Ben drops her hand, the small sound echoing in the cathedral-like space. She can’t believe that this is happening, honestly. Rey of Jakku, about to sit on the throne of Alderaan.</p>
<p>Hyper aware of her every move, Rey sits gingerly on the edge of the throne, the voluminous skirts rustling softly as she arranges them, looking across at Ben to see if she’s doing this right. The love and warmth in his eyes washes away half her fears in an instant.</p>
<p>“Are you ready?” Ben asks her softly, reaching over and taking her hand where it’s resting on the decorated arm of the golden seat.</p>
<p>Rey takes another deep breath and then nods. “Ready.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>The guards, armed with their pikes, open the great doors slowly, pushing the reinforced wood inwards as their party waits with bated breath.</p>
<p>Rose’s eyes land first on the ceiling far above, the carvings and decorations on the arches intricately cut and painted in gold. Reflecting the light through them, colourful stained glass windows depict mountain ranges, pastures and lakes from all over Alderaan. She understands why the country is famed for its beauty if these crude mosaic representations are already stealing her breath.</p>
<p>The floor is made up of geometric stones, the pattern scattering out from the door and forcing her eyes down the length of the room, along the carpet that’s been rolled out, stretching from their feet to the foot of the steps that lead to the thrones.</p>
<p>They’re waiting for Leia’s cue to move, but Rose takes half a step forwards at the sight of the twin thrones on the podium. She hears Poe’s sharp intake of breath and Finn grips her arm tightly as the trio lay eyes on what waits for them.</p>
<p>The man, even though she has never seen him before, is clearly Kylo Ren. Even from this distance there is something familiar about the determined set of his jaw and the confident sweep of his dark hair back from his brow. There is so much of Han and Leia in his face and posture that even if she hadn’t been aware of who they would be confronting today, she would <i>know</i>. He looks formidable with his sapphire blue cloak cascading down the gold, his pale skin, deep eyes and pitch black clothing. She notices, however, that he doesn’t wear a crown.</p>
<p>But it’s the woman next to him that really captures Rose’s awestruck gaze. The woman that is both Rey and not Rey. The woman dressed in rich velvet, grey blue skirts and silver jewellery; the woman with the diadem across her forehead and a jewelled dagger at her hip, the gems glinting in the early sun that streams through the eastern windows, illuminating the dais.</p>
<p>She knows that Rey and Kylo didn’t plan for them to arrive at this time, but there is something magical about the way the light ripples around the pair of them, like it too is announcing their presence.</p>
<p>“Holy s-” Poe whispers before Finn nudges him sharply, reminding him to keep <i>quiet</i> as the sharply dressed man next to the thrones nods subtly, allowing them closer.</p>
<p>Han takes Leia’s hand and squeezes tightly as the couple walk silently down the carpet, pulled closer to the dyad almost magnetically. Rose thinks she hear Leia sob. It’s the first time she’s seen her son in years and he looks like <i>this</i>.</p>
<p>“Ben,” Leia calls and her voice cracks. “Ben, we came home.”</p>
<p>The whole room, including Rey, holds their breath as Kylo – Ben – the king, whoever he is these days, stands, his cape falling into place as he moves away from the throne and descends the steps slowly, like every placement of his foot is calculated.</p>
<p>Rose finds herself holding Finn’s hand so tightly she’s sure it hurts. Poe notices and laces his fingers through hers too, linking them all as they wait silently.</p>
<p>Rey’s warm eyes break away from Kylo and land on the three of them, lighting up with joy. Rose can only offer her a shaky smile as she watches this new Rey stand and glide to Kylo’s side. Since when could Rey move so elegantly?</p>
<p>Looping her arm through Kylo’s, Rey turns his head gently to look him in the eye, communicating silently. Kylo nods before looking back at his mother, Han just behind her with patient eyes.</p>
<p>“Hux,” Kylo calls and Rose feels fear shoot through her veins. Calling for his war general cannot be a good sign.</p>
<p>The same fear is reflected in Rey’s eyes. She realises Rey also doesn’t know how this man is going to react, even with the warning she must’ve given to him if they were expected at the castle gates.</p>
<p>“Bring me the crown.”</p>
<p>They watch with bated breath as the man darts forwards, the crown of Alderaan nestled on the silk cushion in his hands. His auburn hair glints in the beams of sunlight as he stands at Kylo’s right hand side, eyes darting around the room. She gets the feeling that if he had a spare hand, it would be on the hilt of the sword at his waist.</p>
<p>Kylo takes the crown carefully and Hux steps away. Rose can see the tension in Leia’s back as her son strides forwards. He’s armed, and so Poe shifts, half drawing his own sword from its scabbard before Rey gives a quick shake of her head, her eyes wide. Poe freezes.</p>
<p>The king stops right in front of his parents, half-way down the throne room, the crown gripped tightly in his pale hands. He is so much taller than either of them – Rose wonders where he got it from – and <i>infinitely</i> more powerful. Her throat is tight and she’s finding it hard to breathe. They came in peace and they have to trust Rey’s judgement of this volatile man.</p>
<p>There is a long stretch of silence, filled only with everyone’s nervous breaths.</p>
<p>And then... His voice shouldn’t have been audible but everyone is frozen in space and time and so it carries more than it should.</p>
<p>“Mum,” Kylo whispers, sinking to his knees in front of Leia Organa, his eyes turned skyward, pleading.</p>
<p>No one moves.</p>
<p>And then she breaks, dropping down to his level and throwing her arms tightly around his neck, her sobs of relief muffled as Han engulfs them both in his embrace. The crown drops from Kylo’s hands, forgotten, and rolls across the floor.</p>
<p>All at once, the room erupts into motion as Rey darts forwards to retrieve the priceless artefact before it gets scratched. Hux does the same, his face stricken as he clutches the cushion and <i>lunges</i> for the crown, his king forgotten. Poe and Finn hurl themselves forwards towards Rey, dragging the much smaller Rose with them and they nearly topple Rey to the floor as they pile onto her. Poe lifts her off her feet and <i>swings</i> her around in his giddy excitement as Rose squeals and jumps up and down, unable to keep still as the tension explodes into riotous joy.</p>
<p>“You’re okay!” Finn cheers, hands on her shoulders as he scans her up and down. Poe slings his arm around her shoulders, beaming. “You’re okay and you look – different?”</p>
<p>“You look <i>amazing</i>,” Rose beams, barging the boys out of the way so she can hug her friend fiercely. “A true princess!”</p>
<p>“Good, queen was too much pressure anyway,” Rey snorts, rolling her eyes.</p>
<p>Poe chokes slightly and that’s all it takes before the three of them are laughing like nothing has changed – because nothing has, Rose realises. Rey is still just Rey, it’s still just the four of them. Sure, Rey is now with the Crown Prince of Alderaan, which will no doubt complicate things somewhat, but they <i>did it</i> and Leia and Han are back home with their son where they belong.</p>
<p>Speak of the devil, Rose thinks, because Rey pulls away quickly, disentangling herself from the boys and turning to where Kylo is still on the floor with his parents. They must be communicating somehow because she gives him a look and nods. It’s slightly unnerving but Rose supposes they’ll have to get used to it.</p>
<p>“Won’t be a moment,” Rey mutters to them before slipping over to the Solos.</p>
<p>Rose, Poe and Finn fall silent again, listening.</p>
<p>Rey smiles brilliantly and there’s a sincerity and genuine relief in her voice when she dips into a weak curtsey in front of Han and Leia. “Your Majesties.”</p>
<p>Leia laughs loudly and shakes her head at Rey’s ridiculousness, even if she seems pleased to call the title her own again. “Get down here with the rest of this stupid family, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>Rey practically falls onto the floor beside them and Kylo’s arm slips around her waist, tucking her against his chest like she was born to be there. Which, Rose supposes as she turns away with a gentle smile on her face, she was.</p>
<p>“We should leave them to it,” Finn mutters, pulling a face. “I do <i>not</i> fancy getting in the middle of that conversation.”</p>
<p>“Where can we even go?” Poe wonders, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking round, whistling in awe at the décor of the room. “I mean, we’re best friends with the princess, or whatever Rey is these days, surely we can go wherever we like?”</p>
<p>“That is <i>not</i> how this works, you idiot,” Rose scoffs. “Let’s just head out and ask that nice General from earlier.”</p>
<p>“You’re only calling him nice because you think he’s hot,” Poe scowls, “He was very rude.”</p>
<p>“He was very rude because you called him a prick,” Finn points out, tugging his boyfriend – Rose has never wished Rey was around more than she has in the last week of them being giddily in love – towards the large doors, skirting around Leia and Han on the floor with Kylo and Rey.</p>
<p>“Who are you calling a prick?” Hux says dryly from his spot leaning against the wall outside, his arms folded across his chest.</p>
<p>Rose groans and smacks her hand against her forehead because <i>of course he heard that</i> and shakes her head. “Not you – well it was you, but we were telling this loser off,” she explains hastily, jabbing her finger towards Poe. Poe rolls his eyes with a huff.</p>
<p>“Ah, I see,” he snorts, pushing off from the wall and throwing a quick glance back inside at where the royals and Rey are still talking. “Let me guess, you’re trying to find somewhere else to be?”</p>
<p>“Please,” Rose smiles, “We aren’t exactly sure what the plan is, Poe has family in the city but Leia might want us in the castle?”</p>
<p>He checks his already immaculate hair and nods. “Kylo asked me to get some rooms ready for you all, I’ll take you there now. I’m Hux,” he adds, sticking his hand out. Rose shakes it enthusiastically and the boys copy her.</p>
<p>“I’m Rose, lovely to meet you,” she laughs. “Lead the way!”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Rey doesn’t stay long after her friends have gone even though it’s lovely to see Leia and Han again. She asks about the battle they fled from, if Han’s okay, and she thanks him for it, startling a wide eyed look from Ben. She forgets there’s still a lot he doesn’t know about. But it’s clear from the way Leia is watching Ben lovingly that soon she will be intruding; that’s the last thing Rey wants, so she makes her excuses, kisses Ben on the cheek and squeezes Leia’s hands reassuringly as she stands.</p>
<p>Ben gives her some brief instructions on how to find the guest rooms and then she slips away with a little smile flitting across her face. Whatever else happens now, whatever plans she has for the future and returning to Jakku, she has succeeded here. The family has been reunited. That’s something to be proud of.</p>
<p>It's not far up the spiral staircases to where her friends are being housed, but in her delicate heels her calves burn as she heads up step after step and so she pauses to yank them off, climbing the last floor bare foot, enjoying the cool stone on the soles of her feet.</p>
<p>She hears her friends before she sees them – Rose’s cackling laughter and Poe’s loud voice echoing down the corridor – and speeds up, eager to throw herself onto an impressively soft bed and ask them all about their week.</p>
<p>“Right, Poe, you can absolutely fuck off,” Rose huffs but her tone is light-hearted and there’s the sound of something soft hitting someone. Rey decides if they’re throwing pillows she will join in, if only to land one on Poe’s face.</p>
<p>“You heard the lady, <i>Poe</i>,” a familiar voice says, but it’s an unfamiliar tone.</p>
<p>“<i>Hux</i>?” Rey laughs as she pokes her head into the doorway, twirling her shoes in her hand. “What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>Hux goes red as Finn and Poe jump up from the bed and pile onto her once more, cheering.</p>
<p>“Rey! You made it!” Poe beams.</p>
<p>“You saw me ten minutes ago,” she replies, bemused. Settling herself on the thick carpet next to Rose and opposite Hux, she watches the boys clamber back onto the high mattress. There’s a cushion on the floor in the corner of the room so she was absolutely correct about the pillow fight.</p>
<p>“Yeah but that was fancy princess Rey,” Rose laughs, shrugging as she leans back on her hands, sprawled out happily. “Who is terrifying and beautiful and I love her, but I also like <i>our</i> Rey.”</p>
<p>Rey smiles and drops the heels on the floor, stretching out her feet and wriggling her toes. “Agreed. I missed you guys. What did you get up to? Tell me everything!”</p>
<p>Finn and Poe immediately dive into a detailed retelling of their week as Rose gives Rey a knowing look: she’d clearly had to deal with the boys’ double act the entire time. Hux hides a smile as Poe gestures so wildly that he whacks Finn in the face and immediately apologises.</p>
<p>“Sounds like you’ve had fun,” Rey grins, “I’m glad you sorted everything out. And that Rose didn’t have to murder you both in your sleep for being irritating.”</p>
<p>“You are so mean,” Poe huffs, but he’s grinning back, his face relaxed.</p>
<p>“Do you want to explain when you became friends with these idiots, Hux?” Rey continues, eyeing the general curiously. She hadn’t taken him for the sort to easily make friends.</p>
<p>“Not really,” Hux says.</p>
<p>“He showed us the rooms and then didn’t want to have to go back down and interrupt family time, so we convinced him to stay,” Rose sniggers, “He was telling us all about how sickeningly lovey dovey you and K-“</p>
<p>Hux flushes and sits up, shaking his head quickly, not wanting to be caught gossiping. Rey’s cheeks also go pink but Rose hesitates for only a second before continuing.</p>
<p>“How lovey dovey you and Kylo – Ben, sorry – have been this last week. Apparently he’s barely seen you apart,” she finishes with a little smirk. Hux is now groaning as Rey’s eyes burn into him angrily. “Is there anything you want to share with the group, Rey?”</p>
<p>“No,” she retorts, fiddling with one of her silver cuffs. “There’s nothing.”</p>
<p>“Not true,” Poe crows, “That man had you seated on the Queen’s throne and you’re saying there’s <i>nothing</i> to update us on?”</p>
<p>“Traitor,” Rey mouths to Hux who shoots her an apologetic glance. She forgives him, because he really had no way of knowing that her friends rarely gave up once they were thrown a bone. “There are plenty of things to update <i>you</i> on,” Rey continues, addressing Rose and Rose only, “I am not talking to those two about it.”</p>
<p>Rose smirks triumphantly as both men look outraged and immediately start protesting. She just winks at Rey and ignores their indignant cries. “We’ll talk later, yeah?”</p>
<p>Rey cracks a smile and nods, taking a deep breath.</p>
<p>The last week has been intense, and while she doesn’t regret a single moment of it, she’s realising now that she has missed her friends. It’s a new feeling – in the time she’s known them, she has never really been apart from them and she doesn’t like it. She vows that no matter what happens with her and Ben or their plans going forward, her friends are a part of that. They’re more like her family than her parents ever were and being back around them soothes the last of her worries. General chatter resumes around her as she drifts off into her thoughts, simply enjoying the easy companionship – with the unexpected but somehow natural addition of Hux.</p>
<p>“Earth to Rey?” Finn chuckles, leaning down and waving his hand in front of her face when it’s clear she hasn’t been paying any attention to anything they’ve been saying.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I was just thinking,” she smiles, shaking her head slightly to clear it and crossing her legs under herself, glad that this dress is comfortable enough to lounge around in despite the stiff bodice.</p>
<p>“Penny for your thoughts?” Hux teases. His usual put together appearance is looser, his jacket unbuttoned and his neat hair slightly rumpled. It makes him look much younger and more familiar. It seems like today has not just set the Solo family to rights, but that <i>everyone</i> feels the effects too.</p>
<p>She’s talked about this several times with Hux since she arrived. Ben was never a cruel king, in fact he often ignored Snoke’s advice when it was about the citizens of the country, but he was a distant one. His actions had turned most of the country against him despite his best efforts and they’d never loved him the way they’d loved his mother and father. Hux was a product of that. And now everything was changing, so he could too.</p>
<p>“It’s just... nice to be here. With all of you. In a fancy castle where I’m not locked away underneath it,” she says.</p>
<p>The look Rose gives her is one of pride. They’ve all seen her working through the effects of what happened to her. To be able to joke about it now is a big step.</p>
<p>“You all mean a lot to me. And yeah, okay, I’m... with Ben now,” she continues. Poe pulls a slight face, forcing some unwanted mental images out of his head. “But that doesn’t change anything. You’re my world, you know that, right?” She is forced to stop there by the lump in her throat and she chokes slightly as she looks round at them all.</p>
<p>Rose’s eyes look slightly misty. “It’s been a rough year,” she says quietly, reaching over and taking Rey’s hand. “A really rough year. But a good one despite it all. You’re our world too.”</p>
<p>“You know what this calls for?” Finn says seriously, standing and folding his arms across his chest.</p>
<p>Rose gives him a funny look. “What?”</p>
<p>Poe mimics him and nods sternly. “I think I know too. Finn, do you want to do the honours?” His voice is low and full of exaggerated emotion.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” Rey says nervously, looking at Hux who also looks mildly concerned but can’t explain this any more than she can.</p>
<p>Finn takes a deep breath and sighs, looking at them all one by one. “Group hug.”</p>
<p>“Oh <i>no</i>,” Rose groans, dismayed. “Your dress is going to be ruined, Rey, run <i>now</i>.”</p>
<p>“Too late,” Hux laughs as Finn and Poe descend on the girls with shit eating grins, knocking Rey’s diadem askew as she is folded into a massive hug.</p>
<p>“Guys, stop, this is ridiculous,” Rey cries even though she’s struggling to contain her laughter.</p>
<p>“Get <i>off</i> you great <i>oafs</i>!” Rose wheezes through her laughter. “Don’t – no, don’t <i>tickle</i> me, Poe! Stop!”</p>
<p>“And on that note, I am going to leave and check on our illustrious ex leader,” Hux announces, standing up quickly and edging around the edge of the room in fear of being dragged into the mess.</p>
<p>“Hux, don’t you dare,” Rey hisses, glaring at him from through Finn’s armpit. Rose calls him something very rude and manages to extract her hand and flip him off.</p>
<p>“Sorry, Rey, I didn’t catch that!” he says cheerily. “See you later!”</p>
<p>He shuts the door behind him, whistling happily as Rose continues to loudly cuss him out.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Leia holds her tears in long enough to allow Rey to leave the room, and then she breaks. Her arms tighten around Ben’s neck and she tucks him against her shoulder despite the fact that she’s so much smaller than him.</p>
<p>Ben hasn’t been held by his mother in ten years: the gulf between them started so long ago and had only grown. Until now. He sinks into the embrace, squeezing his eyes shut tightly and allows himself to relax in his mother’s arms.</p>
<p>Han clears his throat and shifts to join them, uncomfortable on the cold floor with only the thin carpet between his knees and the stone, but he says nothing. Ben appreciates it. His father was always so good at putting his foot in it.</p>
<p>“My baby boy,” Leia croaks, smoothing her fingers through his hair gently as she rocks him. “My boy.”</p>
<p>“Mum,” he replies, his words soft like a prayer. Would it always have been this easy? Would they have forgiven him last month, last week, last year? Was Rey the catalyst, or has he been <i>stupid</i>, wasting years spent apart and picking at lingering resentment.</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Leia croons and Ben feels the weight of his father’s arms around him too. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re home.”</p>
<p>He was home. Because, and this was a lesson he’d only really been shown by Rey, home wasn’t a place but <i>people</i>. He’d thought his home was this castle, this throne, his destiny. He’d been wrong, like he had been about so <i>so</i> many things; home was Rey splashing him in the bath, home was his mother teaching him how to braid hair aged six and never minding when he tugged too hard, home was his father making him a wooden figure to practise his sparring on when no one was around to help him. Home was right here, on the floor of the throne room with not a single sound except his name on his mother’s lips.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he croaks, “I fucked up, I trusted him and he lied to me. I was so so wrong.”</p>
<p>“About who?” Han frowns, shifting again so he can look Ben in the eye. “Who lied to you?”</p>
<p>And so the whole story pours out of him all at once, definitely not making much sense but he can’t rein it in when it feels so good to finally tell them everything. Not what Snoke wanted them to know, not what they saw, but <i>everything</i>.</p>
<p>Han starts to cry too, and Leia’s warm brown eyes are so full of fierce tears she can barely keep looking at him.</p>
<p>“It’s a good thing that monster is dead or I’d kill him myself,” Leia hisses. Ben sees a flicker of the warrior princess she was before he was born.</p>
<p>“We should’ve known,” Han whispers, wiping his eyes. “I’m sorry, kid.”</p>
<p>He shakes his head forcefully as Han grips his hands tightly, keeping them both grounded. “I’m done passing blame. It’s done, it’s over, he’s dead and you’re here now.”</p>
<p>“You’re so grown up,” Han says with a familiar roguish smile, tinged with sadness. “We missed you growing up.”</p>
<p>Ben wants to grumble – they’ve only been gone four years, he wasn’t a child before – but he knows what his father means. The boy they left, who fashioned himself a new name and a broken kingdom and let Snoke whisper in his ear is dead now. The man he is becoming is someone new, someone he hopes he can do justice.</p>
<p>“We’re here now,” Leia says firmly. “That’s all that matters.”</p>
<p>Ben nods slightly and lets Leia fuss over him a little longer, his tears slowly drying as he takes deep breaths.</p>
<p>“In and out, sweetheart,” Leia whispers, “In and out with me.”</p>
<p>“Can we do this elsewhere?” Han grumbles. “My joints have packed in.”</p>
<p>Leia tuts and whacks Han’s thigh, shooting him a glare. “Han! You fool! Not right now.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Mum,” Ben says, letting out a shaky laugh. This is his father all the way, but it isn’t grating on him the way it had before. He knows his father loves him – they came all this way to find him, they have to.</p>
<p>“It’s not, he’ll never learn,” Leia continues, but she does stand, smoothing out her skirts and offering her hands to Ben with a warm smile.</p>
<p>“But you love me anyway,” Han chuckles, patting Ben’s shoulder and eagerly rising, wincing as his joints crack.</p>
<p>Leia rolls her eyes and looks up at her son as Ben picks himself up too. The image of him is so different to the image she was greeted with. His face is open, expressive in a way she hasn’t seen since he was a child tugging at her sleeves. His hair is soft, falling around his face. The red sword is at his hip, but he no longer holds himself rigidly, angrily. Kylo Ren is gone, and Leia will never be able to thank Rey enough for it.</p>
<p>Because there is no doubt that this is due to her.</p>
<p>So many mistakes were made – ignoring Ben’s insistence that she existed, never thinking to look further, trusting Snoke’s words, telling Ben he was wrong – but her son is right. That’s in the past now.</p>
<p>Ben’s expression mirrors her own and the corner of his mouth twitches into a smile. Her son, as he should’ve been the whole time.</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>Her voice is tender as she replies. “I know.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. I Am Found</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three days pass in a blur, full from dawn to dusk with preparations for Leia and Han’s coronation, talks with whoever they can find on how to undo the damage Ben did with his invasions, reorganising the castle, whatever else needs to be done. And there’s a lot to be done.</p><p>Ben barely sees Rey: she wakes before him in the morning to help her friends and she’s asleep by the time he stumbles into bed in the evening. That’s not to say they’re apart, though. Their bond only continues to grow and now he feels he could find her anywhere no matter how far away she is, like a gentle tug on the ribbon connecting them. He feels her when she’s close, and when she’s training in the courtyard with Han, and when she’s being measured for her own dresses in one of the castle’s towers, and when she’s in the stables fussing over Artoo. He always feels her.</p><p>The magic flows between them more easily, too, and he’s starting to master the new part of his power. The other night on the rare occasion that they had any time together, he ran her another bath and managed to dump a sphere of water over her head, much to her surprise. Her startled shriek had been worth the splashing he’d got for his prank.</p><p>He’s following her now, drawn to her like a moth to a flame. She’s up high, probably in their rooms, but he doesn’t call out through the bond and chooses instead to keep it silent as he pads down the corridor and slips through the rooms. The fire is low and the lamps aren’t lit, the only light source the dim glow of the embers and the pale moon high in the sky overhead, sending shafts of pearly light streaming down onto the floor. The bedroom is still, but he can feel she’s close.</p><p>She had another fitting for her coronation gown today, an elaborate thing that he knows she doesn’t like because she can’t fight in it. Although she did admit she most likely wouldn’t <i>need</i> to, so that was progress. The seamstress’s things are still scattered over the bed and the low futon by the wall and Ben picks his way through the mess carefully.</p><p>The large doors out onto the balcony are wide open, the delicate gauze curtains shivering in the breeze that ripples from the mountains, the cooler air rolling down their gentle slopes and winding around the castle’s turrets.</p><p>“Rey?” he whispers, stepping into the patch of moonlight by the tall doors, her figure silhouetted where she leans against the railings. She’s still in her gown, the bright chiffon clinging to her body like liquid fire. The back is cut low and she should be cold but there are no goosebumps dusting her skin.</p><p>Rey isn’t surprised – she feels him too – and pushes herself up, turning to face him with a soft smile. She extends her hand out to him and he takes it as she tugs him onto the balcony with her. She’s quiet, contemplative.</p><p>There’s a stronger gust of wind that whips his hair across his face and lifts the pieces of her braid that are loose around her ears. The dress flutters, the material flickering like it’s real fire. It’s pale around her shoulders, melting into a warm yellow, burnt orange and deep, blood red around her ankles. Whoever designed it perfectly executed their vision because there are even shots of silvery grey thread along the seams like smoke rising as she walks.</p><p>“Quit staring,” she smiles, her voice warm and low.</p><p>“Do I have to?” he pouts, sliding one arm around her waist as she turns back to look out at the dark landscape. The stars are coming out in the sky above, mimicking the bright lights of the city spread out beneath them.</p><p>“I suppose not,” Rey grins, leaning her head against his shoulder. “How was your day?”</p><p>“Long. Exhausting. Mum was trying to convince me to wear something other than black to the coronation,” he grumbles. “But I do have some good news.”</p><p>She looks up at him, raising one expressive eyebrow. “You do?”</p><p>“Remember what we talked about the other day?” Ben says, his face splitting into a grin that he couldn’t get rid of even if he tried.</p><p>Her eyes light up. “Yes.”</p><p>“She found it.”</p><p>“And she’s sure I can have it? That we can use it?” Rey asks, biting her bottom lip.</p><p>“Well I told her and she cried, so,” Ben replies, shrugging. “This is kind of all she’s ever wanted.”</p><p>“I’m glad,” Rey murmurs, reaching up and playing with his hair as she smiles up at him with such a loving expression that he nearly cannot speak.</p><p>While neither Rey nor Ben have put much focus on the official status of their relationship, everyone around them had pointed out that most people wouldn’t understand ‘we’re part of a magical dyad and we’re bonded for life’. Ben had broached the topic of marriage the next day to Rey, and she’d been stunned into silence for a good ten minutes before kissing him so fiercely he’d nearly fallen over despite having a foot of height on her.</p><p>The prospect of being a <i>princess</i> was daunting, sure, but she knew that wasn’t why he’d asked. He’d asked because he wanted to belong to her in every way he knew how.</p><p>Ben pulls out the little square box containing the family ring and opens it slowly, still gazing at her. Rey sucks in a sharp little breath and looks back up at him, her smile spreading across her face.</p><p>“It’s beautiful.”</p><p>He leans down and kisses her deeply, crushing the box between them as she stands on her tiptoes to return his kiss.</p><p>“I love you,” she says as she pulls away, her eyes shining. “I never thought anything like this could ever happen to me. And now I can’t even doubt it for a second because <i>you’re</i> here.”</p><p>“I know the feeling,” he chuckles, sliding the dainty ring onto her finger. The <i>rightness</i> of the image floods through him and he cannot help his triumphant grin. This is really happening. She will marry him after his parents are crowned again, and they will have each other in every way for the rest of their lives. “I love you too.”</p><p>She tucks the ring box back into his jacket, patting it gently, before turning in his arms and leaning back against his broad chest, watching the horizon. Behind her, Ben shivers, feeling her heart thud in time with his, the magic swirling around them, at peace.</p><p>They have three more days before the coronation. Then they can turn their attention back to the future. Their friends have already promised that they’ll be by their side whatever they choose to do.</p><p>“I don’t want to go back right away,” Rey admits, her voice carrying in the still night air. More lanterns are being lit in the streets below as the darkness draws in, bathing the city in golden light, the glow trickling away as the buildings meet the rolling plains and fade into the mountains that split the land in two. “I want to stay, and train, and <i>plan</i> this time. No more riding across the country for months without knowing what’s waiting.”</p><p>“Hey, the thing waiting was pretty good,” Ben teases.</p><p>She digs her elbow into his side lightly and huffs. “You know what I mean.”</p><p>“I do. And I agree,” he whispers, all joking gone from his tone. “The Emperor is no Snoke.”</p><p>She shivers and it’s not from the cold. “No, he isn’t.”</p><p>“He’s already dead,” Ben says, his voice harsh. “The second Palpatine laid a hand on you he was a dead man. I’ll do it myself.”</p><p>Rey shakes her head. “I’m not doing this just for me, Ben.” She thinks of Rose, her family stuck in Hays, slaves to the Empire. She thinks of her parents, who were so terrified they had to let her be stolen from them. She thinks of Finn, forced to inflict pain and misery a job he never wanted. There must be countless other people suffering under Palpatine’s iron grip. This isn’t just about revenge.</p><p>“I know, and I love you for it.”</p><p>She closes her eyes for a moment and takes in a deep breath. The air smells like night-time and moonlight.</p><p>“We do it together,” she swears. “Whatever happens, we do it together.”</p><p>Ben presses a fierce kiss to the top of her head as he looks out, way beyond the city, way beyond the mountains, to the future calling them beyond the horizon. “Always.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This fic was a quarantine project that I never expected to finish and yet here we are three months later with this the final chapter and a sequel in the works. Thank you to all my friends I've made since starting this fic and all the lovely comments and kudos and support. Come find me on twitter for updates, nonsense and general reylo shitposting, <a href="https://twitter.com/annareginar">@annareginar</a> !<br/>See you all soon for the second part: Beyond the Horizon<br/>mwah xxx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>